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Enjo-kōsai(援助交際?, shortened form enkō 援交) means 'compensated dating' and is the Japanese language term for the practice of older men giving money and/or luxury gifts to attractive women for their companionship or possibly for sexual favors. The female participants range from school girls to housewives. Enjo-kōsai does not always involve some form of sexual activity. In the opposite case of women paying men, it is called gyaku-enjo-kōsai(逆援助交際?), or 'reverse compensated dating'.[not verified in body]
- 6Spread to other countries
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The nature of enjo-kōsai is heavily contested within Japan. The most common connotation is that it is a form of child prostitution whereby participating girls sell their bodies in exchange for designer goods or money. However, to label enjo-kōsai by the most basic definition of prostitution whereby a person attains money through the exchange of sexual acts[1] excludes an array of other activities.
Many groups, including women's centers and associations within Japan, include 'the exchange of a girl's company or time' as part of this equation[2] and insist that these other activities define enjo-kōsai. AnthropologistLaura Miller argues in her research that the majority of enjo-kōsai dates consists of groups of girls going with a group of older men to a karaoke bar for several hours and being paid for their time.[3]
Furthermore, in a 1998 survey by the Asian Women's Fund, researchers found that fewer than 10 percent of all high school girls engage in enjo-kōsai and over 90 percent of the girls interviewed attested to feeling uncomfortable with the exchange or purchase of sexual services for money.[4]
Perceptions in Japanese society
A 1997 poll in the Japanese TV Asahi program Asa Made Nama Terebi showed that 70 percent of respondents opposed enjo-kōsai involving sexual interactions, while 30 percent approved of it.[5] Typically, it is perceived as an extension of Japan's growing focus on materialism, much of which is what critics claim is the cause of enjo-kōsai. Critics worry that girls involved in enjo-kōsai will grow up to be unfit wives and mothers. This perception arises from suspicions that when these girls are adults, they will quickly abandon their loyalties and commitments to their family for offers of money and material benefits.[5] However, certain feminist groups and critics regard enjo-kōsai as an empowering way to 'undermine patriarchal models of propriety used to evaluate and control women'. Control over their bodies and means to support themselves is a new kind of independence for these girls. Good women in Japan are supposed to be sensible, modest, nurturing and respectful, yet girls participating in enjo-kōsai clearly reject such virtues of female restraint and modesty in Japan. Feminists such as Chizuko Ueno point out that the accidental access of girls to this dating market was not a matter of ethics, but of probability.[5] Sooner or later, these girls and young women would, in a desire for financial independence, tap into this market for their own empowerment.
Media depiction
Within Japan, the media tends to show enjo-kōsai in a rather negative light. The typical scenario involves a girl desperate for money, so she decides to partake in enjo-kōsai. Only later does she stop when a friend or individual intervenes and informs her of the potential risks and consequences of her behavior. Several examples from films and television series are listed below.
In Hideaki Anno's 1998 movie Love & Pop, the main character, a 16-year-old high school girl named Hiromi, goes on subsidized dates in order to purchase a ring she adores. Her parents do not pay much attention to her and Hiromi often hangs out with her three closest friends who have been going on subsidized dates. Hiromi follows her friends and begins doing the same. Throughout the movie, they meet with different kinds of men and accompany them in various activities. These activities include having dinner at a restaurant, tasting a man's cooking, singing at a karaoke bar and visiting in a video rental store. Although Hiromi nearly gives in and has sex for the remainder of money needed for the ring, her date gives her a lesson on why she should not do so.
In the Japanese live action drama series GTO (Great Teacher Onizuka), a female student named Miyabi, out of boredom and lack of adult supervision at home, pressures her friends, Chikako and Erika, to go on subsidized dates with older men, and to steal their money when the men are in the showers. Chikako accidentally meets their teacher Onizuka on one of these dates. In the hotel room, Chikako insists that Onizuka take a shower. Onizuka realizes the trap, stops Chikako's attempt to escape, and teaches her a lesson why her first sexual experience should come out of love and not have anything to do with money. Incidentally, Onizuka (himself a virgin) learns the same lesson from that very occasion.
Conversation over the controversy of enjo-kōsai even finds its way into shows geared toward girls (shōjo) between the ages of 11 and 14 in the form of the highly popular Super Gals! anime series. During the first episode of the series, straight A student Aya goes on subsidized dates because she wants to have money and fun like the other girls, but also because her strict parents and schedule do not allow her to have a job. In the anime series Initial D, highschool student Natsuki Mogi is into enjo-kōsai, going out with a rich older man ('Papa') who gives her gifts in exchange. In the anime series My-HiME, it's believed that a shady girl named Nao Yuuki is into enjo-kōsai. She does use her computer to arrange dates over the internet, under the name Juliet... but instead of going through them, she uses her child Julia to rob her 'suitors' and beat them up. It's explained later that Nao does it out of revenge on men and especially thieves, since thieves killed her father and seriously injured Nao's mother leaving her in a coma.
Japanese idol group AKB48's second major label single, Seifuku ga Jama o Suru(制服が邪魔をする(School) uniform is getting in the way?) drew public attention with its controversial music video, which is a literal visualization of the lyrics, somewhat hinting at the subject of enjo kosai. Even the sales copy on its TV commercial was 'Otousan, gomennasai' (お父さん、ごめんなさいSorry, dad?), a comment made by Atsuko Maeda, who played a key role on its video clip.[6]
Societal backdrop
Although the greater part of Japanese society discourages this type of behavior, that has not stopped teachers, monks, government officials, company executives, and others of high social status from being arrested for their involvement with enjo kōsai.[7]
Government regulation
Coitus prostitution has been illegal in Japan since 1958, but only prostitutes and pimps were punished, with clients escaping any penalty from the law. During SCAP's occupation of Japan, the Child Welfare Law was introduced into legislation as a means to protect children from 'lewd behavior'. Many have criticized the law as being too vague to protect Japanese children from sexual abuse and say it does not do enough to keep girls away from sex markets.[5]
During the 1990s enjo kōsai, as well as other forms of child exploitation, gained national attention in Japan leading to international awareness.[8] Due to pressure from outside NGOs and other industrialized nations, the Tokyo government updated its laws relating to child exploitation. The Law for Punishing Acts Related to Child Prostitution and Child Pornography and for Protecting Children, which prohibited an adult from paying a person under the age of 18 for obscene acts, was passed in 1999.[9]
To combat enjo kōsai and other forms of juvenile misbehavior, many prefectures have instituted a program of hodō(補導?, 'guidance', 'protective custody'). Hodōin are plain-clothed police officers and volunteers who approach youths who appear to be participating in juvenile delinquency (out past 11 p.m., under-age smoking, wearing expensive accessories, etc.) and offer guidance against such behavior. When police consider it necessary, teens are taken to a juvenile center or police station for 'formal guidance' and entered into a confidential police directory.[5] Since enjo kōsai is seen as a moral problem relating to Japanese youth, care is taken not to ostracize the girls but instead give them assistance and advice to steer them away from enjo-kōsai.
Spread to other countries
Taiwan
The use of the term began to spread to other East Asian nations in the late 1990s via media. The idea of compensated dating became popular in Taiwan after the airing of the Japanese doramaGod, Please Give Me More Time (JOCX), in which a young woman engages in the activity and suffers social and physical costs. In the end, however, the heroine is able to turn her life around and seems to project a positive image for youth. According to scholar Oi-Wan Lam, Taiwanese teens identified with the love story's plot and the subculture of the characters. Lam also points to the similarities between Taiwanese and Japanese subcultures, and the notion that enjo-kōsai is not actually an occupation, writing, 'Sex work is not recognized by the society as a form of work.'[10] Due to this recognition, teens in both cultures feel they will not suffer consequences for participating in the activity.
A key difference between enjo-kōsai in Japan and Taiwan is the way in which girls set up dates with clients. While telephone clubs were the main venues that facilitated enjo-kōsai in Japan, the Internet facilitates meetings between girls and clients in Taiwan. Due to this, there have been attempts by several NGOs and the Taiwanese government to regulate Internet sites. Efforts at regulation are compounded by the fact that NGOs and the Taiwanese government sometimes apply the term enjo-kōsai to mean more than just teenage compensated dating, but also prostitution and Internet pornography sites.
South Korea
Compensated dating also happens in South Korea, where the South Korean government considers it a form of prostitution. An annual report by ECPAT International, published in 2004, asserts that 222 girls 18 and younger were arrested for participating in enjo-kōsai in the year 2000.[11] South Korea, similar to Japan, passed a law in 2000 protecting children from exploitation and prostitution. Yet due to the nature of enjo-kōsai, specifically the decision of the girl to participate in the act, the girls who do enjo-kōsai are not protected under the law and are subject to punishment under the law.
Hong Kong
According to social workers, teenagers as young as 15 advertise themselves as available for 'compensated dating'.[12] The practice is becoming more acceptable among Hong Kong teenage girls, who do not think compensated dating is a kind of prostitution. Some believe it is different because it does not involve sexual intercourse and they can choose their clients, who range from teenage boys to married men. Some even think they are helping others.[12] The internet allows girls more opportunities to offer to shop, eat out or go to a movie with men in return for payment to fulfill their material needs. In April 2008, the brutal murder of a 16-year-old girl, Wong Ka-mui, who was taking part in compensated dating, drew attention to the issue.[13]
United States
With the economy in recession and tuition costs rising, many students are heavily in debt. Faced with financial difficulties, a number of female college students or new grads are turning to a 'sugar daddy' for financial help. According to a report by The Huffington Post in 2011, the arrangements involve women signing up for free on websites as 'sugar baby' candidates, using their college email addresses. Male clients, referred to as 'sugar daddies', join these websites with paid subscriptions as proof of their financial means. The individuals are matched online, followed by in-person meetings at a public place, such as a coffee shop. Each candidate decides whether the other candidate is suitable, i.e. age, physique, personality etc. If the candidate is desirable the next date may involve sex. The Huffington Post reported compensation of about $500 per night. Ideal 'sugar babies' appear to be college students below the 'mid twenties'.[14]
Russia and the Former Soviet Union
Dating sites in the .ru domain often ask females to state whether they desire a 'sponsor', and male profiles to mark whether they are interested in such relationships (though each can typically abstain and leave it blank). Curiously, many sites also permit open admission of 'seeking sex for money' or an alternate escort-type profile, commonly displayed with pink backgrounds or pink borders around user photos. Because of this, some confusion exists, with older women believing that non-'sponsors' wish to 'go Dutch', are unwilling or unable to spend any money at all on dates, or even wish to mooch (highly socially unacceptable behaviour in the culture). As such, most users leave the question blank, and vagueness persists. Younger teenage girls, however, treat it as typical enjo kosai. A common opinion is that this presumes a kept woman/mistress arrangement of sorts, with implied pretense of faithfulness, and differs from an escort because the girl enters into a continuing arrangement and may reject the man on the first date instead. After that, sex for money is implied until the relationship is terminated. Gifts, luxury travel, or renting an apartment for her use may also be involved.
The sponsor is typically not bound by expectations of monogamy and is generally twenty years older and married with children.
See also
References
- ↑'prostitution' Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of Law. Merriam-Webster, Inc. 1 October 2007. <Dictionary.com>
- ↑'The Meaning of Enjo-Kousai' DawnCenter Official Web Site. 2003. Dawn Center- Osaka Women's Prefectural Center. 12 October 2007.
- ↑Laura Miller (2004). 'Those Naughty Teenage Girls: Japanese Kogals, Slang, and Media Assessments'. Journal of Linguistic Anthropology. 14 (2): 225–247. doi:10.1525/jlin.2004.14.2.225.<templatestyles src='Module:Citation/CS1/styles.css'></templatestyles>
- ↑Fukutomi Mamoru (March 1997). 'An Analytical Study on the Causes of and Attitudes Toward 'Enjo Kōsai' among Female High School Students in Japan'. Professor, Tokyo Gakugei University. Asian Women's Fund: 75–76.<templatestyles src='Module:Citation/CS1/styles.css'></templatestyles>
- ↑ 5.05.15.25.35.4Leheny, David. Think Global, Fear Local: Sex, Violence and Anxiety in Contemporary Japan. New York: Cornell University Press, 2006.
- ↑AKB48's 'Seifuku ga jama wo suru'
- ↑Kingston, Jeff. Japan's Quiet Transformation: Social Change and Civil Society in the 21st Century. RoutledgeCurzon, New York: 2004.
- ↑Goodman, Roger. Family and Social Policy in Japan: Anthropological Approaches (Contemporary Japanese Society). Cambridge University Press. 2002.
- ↑Tokyo bill to outlaw sex with youths for money. New York Times; 4 April 1997, Vol. 146
- ↑Oi-Wan Lam, 'Why Did Enjo Kōsai Anchor in Taiwan But Not in Hong Kong? Or the Convergence of 'Enjo' and 'Kōsai' in Teenage Sex Work.' Inter-Asia Cultural Studies; August 2003, Vol. 4 Issue 2, p353, 11p
- ↑Yoshimi Nagamine (5 May 2004). The Daily Yomiuri https://web.archive.org/20090318065813/http://www.lexisnexis.com:80/us/lnacademic/results/docview/docview.do?risb=21_T2500913662&format=GNBFI&sort=BOOLEAN&startDocNo=1&resultsUrlKey=29_T2500913673&cisb=22_T2500913672&treeMax=true&treeWidth=0&csi=145202&docNo=1. Archived from the original on 18 March 2009.Unknown parameter
deadurl=ignored (help);Missing or emptytitle=(help)<templatestyles src='Module:Citation/CS1/styles.css'></templatestyles> - ↑ 12.012.1Nickkita Lau (15 October 2007). 'Teen girls sell sex via the internet'. The Standard.Italic or bold markup not allowed in:
publisher=(help)<templatestyles src='Module:Citation/CS1/styles.css'></templatestyles> - ↑Carol Chung (30 June 2008). 'Teen escorts risk sex fiends'. The Standard.Italic or bold markup not allowed in:
publisher=(help)<templatestyles src='Module:Citation/CS1/styles.css'></templatestyles> - ↑'College Students Using 'Sugar Daddies' To Pay Off Loan Debt'. Huffington Post. 29 July 2011.<templatestyles src='Module:Citation/CS1/styles.css'></templatestyles>
External links
- Girls sell sex in Hong Kong to earn shopping money from CNN.com
Retrieved from 'https://infogalactic.com/w/index.php?title=Enjo_kōsai&oldid=713609994'
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Completing the Matrix: December 2005 Production Notes for Doctor Who Magazine #364: The Twelve Facts of Christmas - Russell T Davies is back to tempt us with more behind the scenes goss...
2021.12.24 19:47 The_Silver_AvengerCompleting the Matrix: December 2005 Production Notes for Doctor Who Magazine #364: The Twelve Facts of Christmas - Russell T Davies is back to tempt us with more behind the scenes goss...
This was written by Russell T Davies and it was from before The Christmas Invasion was broadcast, and the issue previewed that episode. The latest issue of Doctor Who Magazine, which previews the New Year's Day special, is on sale now.Want an archive of the previous Production Notes that have been posted on /gallifrey?: Follow this link or this one.
The Twelve Facts of Christmas!
Hooray! It's me! Ha ha! I'm back! (As Lucy always says to Charlie Brown, 'Have you been away?') But it's Christmas, so I'm going to do a whole twelve-days format-thing concept-type sort-of-idea. But with Doctor Who words. Not partridges. D'you get it? Brilliant!Twelve eps-a-ready! Yes, there's just one more to be written for Series Two, and that's my Episode 10. But then it's straight on to Series Three - we've already got one script on its third draft, alongside a two-parter which we've been planning since, ooh, June. Kept that secret, didn't we?
Eleven months-a-counting! I'm typing this in early November, and blimey, wasn't that the longest year ever? Doctor Who and the Endless Time. On the first day of 2005, there was that fleeting glimpse, a quick, cryptic promo shown before The Vicar of Dibley. And then, the deluge. Series One, then two more commissioned, one Christmas Special, then a second commissioned, a second series of Confidential ordered up, oh, those trailers, a million repeats, an interactive game, the beautiful BBC website, DVDs, the novels, the toys, the Annual... Who could have seen all of that coming? Really though? Well, maybe Verity Lambert and her crew, way back in 1963. Oh yes. I think they always knew.
Ten kids-a-queueing!* At the Waterstone's book signing in Cardiff, where Helen Raynor and I sat like husband and wife, except happier. A good few fans came along, though most we'd met already at the Charity Dinner. Sometimes you think there are thousands of fans; sometimes you think there are five. But the kids! A litany of 'Daleks, Slitheen, Daleks, Slitheen, Daleks, Slitheen!' And that, you might say, is the whole bloody point of it.
(*All right, there were more than ten. But I've got a format here, d'you see? A format!)
Nine hours a-Frenching! No, what I mean is, that's how long Julie Gardner and I were in Paris, to launch Medecin Qui on France 4. I'm kidding, oh my sides, it's still called Doctor Who. But we sat and watched Episode 1 dubbed rather brilliantly into French. Rose cries out 'Weel-san, Weel-san!' To make the lip-synch better, the Doctor doesn't send her home for beans on toast but for boeuf bourguignon! And she didn't get the bronze, but the gold. (What the hell does that do to canon?) I did wonder what they were going to do with 'lots of planets have a north' but I confess, dear reader, I fell asleep in that bit. I've seen that episode too many times now.
Eight days-a-raining! Yes, mark the date, 8 November 2005. The first day that filming on our version of Doctor Who has ever been rained off. Torrential! Wales awash! Everyone sent home. Bah, humbug.
Seven weeks-a-shopping! Until Christmas, at the time of writing. Hmm, you might buy a DVD box set. Hmm, you might even wonder where the deleted scenes are, the ones we keep mentioning in the commentaries. Hmm. Well. Um. How can I put this...? We've been wondering how to tell you, and this column drew the short straw. So. Um. Deep breath. We lost them. Genuinely, lost, forgotten, dumped. Yikes. This is what happened: every time a line or scene was deleted, we'd make a mental note to keep it. But mental notes aren't very visible. When the box set was being compiled, everyone assumed that someone else was in charge of the deleted stuff. (Be fair! We were busy!) And meanwhile, after the transmission of The Parting of the Ways, editing suites were being powered down, Series One archived, material lost. By the time we realised what had happened - oh, Julie's horror, she didn't even tell me for a fortnight - it was too late, the DVD deadline had sailed past. But don't worry! Work has been done since, at great length, and thank God, everything can now be redigitised and retrieved. A digital resurrection! The lost scenes have been found, just not in time for the first (still very brilliant) box set. Maybe next year. Sorry.
Six-pages-filming! That's how long the Children In Need scene was - which is a whole day's shoot, so enormous thanks to everyone for turning that around. The scene was Julie's idea - I'd said no, no, a thousand times no, to skits and sketches and musical numbers with TARDIS-a-go-go on Planet Pudsey, until Julie said oh-so-casually of The Christmas Invasion, 'I've always wondered what happened just before scene one...' Ooh. Got me. Good idea!
Five gooo-ooold riiiings! Love that bit.
Four facts a-gleaming! Yes, there will be four brand-new facts about Series Two in the bumper-issue Christmas Radio Times. Including two new episode titles! I'm sorry, DWM, but it's the Radio Times. They have infinite power. My masters, my masters, they hide in the dark space...
Three awards-a-winning! Hooray for the NTAs, that was a laugh. I kissed all the Hollyoaks boys. In my mind. Tony Warren told me he loved Doctor Who, especially 'the baby coming through the letterbox.' Ant and Dec gave genuine congratulations, which really meant a lot. And at one point, Barbara Windsor was turned round in her chair, yelling, 'Russell! Russell! Well done!' I waved, accidentally-regally, all the while thinking, how does she know my name? Does she watch Doctor Who Confidential? What does she prefer, the classic montages or new set reports?
Two eps-a-swapping! Oh my God! We're changing the running order of next year's episodes? No?!! Yes!!!! Why?! 'Cos we've found a better way! More next year! Place your bets!! Exclamation marks!!!
And a ferret in a Newport Studio! Yes, really. Two weeks ago, a live, Welsh ferret just ran on to the set of The Girl In The Fireplace. I said to Phil, what did you do? 'We put it in a cage.' Oh. Where did you get a cage? Pause. 'I've no idea. It was very posh.' I suspect Madame de Pompadour's parrot has been ousted, or eaten. It's a showbiz tale.
Nadolig Llawen!
submitted byThe_Silver_Avengertogallifrey [link][comments]
2021.12.24 02:46 KarmaRan0verMyDogmaReserving judgment on the RHOC freshman, Noella Bergener, but her husband seems like a jerk.
submitted byKarmaRan0verMyDogmatorealhousewives [link][comments]Thanksgiving 2020 OK, first of all. Anyone who calls themselves Sweet James is sus. Unless he's a New Orleans trumpet player, then that would be cool, but not a white ex-Morman Here's the timeline. These dates are best guesses
What it looks like from the outside is that Noella and James had a long-term affair. Seems they're pretty free with their sexuality and I'm not sure what the deal was with Noella and Braunwyn (friendship or affair), but they became BFFs just when Noella's son was born. *** Just in case - all of this is alleged based on internet research. Edited to add residence dates in Puerto Rico from Ronald Richards Tweethttps://twitter.com/RonaldRichards/status/1425117987586121730/photo/2 |
2021.12.23 11:31 jason_kandelJust finished the show for the first time, and here are my thoughts
• Seth is someone i related to greatly because I was once that socially awkward unconfident teenage boy, but I’ve grown up so much since then so seeing his character development made me see a lot of myself. Not to mention his quick wit and banter was the best part of the show. And him and Summer were definitely my favorite couple on the show, they loved each other so much and it was such a genuine and healthy friendship. Summer’s transformation to a more caring person as she dated Seth was so great to see, and her rage blackouts were some of the most iconic OC moments! My favorite TV couple ever and I love both characters as individuals as well.
• Marissa Cooper. Where to begin. An alternate title for this show should be “The Increasingly Poor Decision Making of Marissa Cooper” because she had absolutely no development and never seemed to learn her lesson. From Oliver to Johnny she would always let some guy she claimed to not have feelings for get in the way of her relationship with Ryan and always tried surrounding herself with the wrong people, like Volchok and Trey. I disliked her relationship with Ryan because she refused to realize he was just trying to look out for her and their relationship, while she would spiral if he even made eye contact with another girl, which didn’t see fair. I actually liked Ryan with both Lindsay and Sadie more. I will admit however that her death was devastating, and Season 4 missed her dearly, and it didn’t feel the same with Taylor trying to replace her.
• The Julie Cooper redemption arc was my favorite plot point. I went from despising this woman with every bone in my body in Season 1 to her becoming one of my favorites in Season 4. She had been through a lot but she stayed strong and always stayed true to the people she loved, even if she got extreme at times. And her entire arc with Caleb was such a fun train wreck to watch. Jimmy was an absolute bozo for screwing that up not once but twice. Plus Jimmy‘s chemistry with Hailey I liked better. Julie was comedic gold just like Seth and I loved her dynamic with the Cohens.
• I wish Anna hadn’t left after Seth and Summer got together, because I really liked her as another friend for the group, even though Seth clearly loved Summer and she would always be second place. I think she would’ve made a lot of sense with Zach, with the comic book and both being on the outside looking in with Seth and Summer.
• Sandy is such a fun character to root for. I like him for the same reasons Superman is my favorite superhero. I just love the ambition to do as much good and help the most people he can. I didn’t like seeing him compromise his beliefs while working at the Newport Group, it felt out of character.
• Ryan’s dad didn’t feel needed, he was in prison and did horrible things to his family, so how was everyone willing to forgive and forget so fast?
• I loved Che, big Chris Pratt fan. Has always been actor that has made me crack up and that was true to the OC as well.
• Olivia Wilde was so much fun as Alex, and Zach was great too. No reason to turn him bad to end the season, Seth and Summer were meant to be clearly.
• The redemption arcs of Taylor and Luke were great storylines, and seeing them both go from foe to that psychotic friend was funny! I felt so bad about the messes of their home lives though.
• And finally, Ryan. I felt Theresa was overused in his story and they never should’ve went anywhere; that baby wasn’t his but he’s a hell of a guy for willing to help Theresa in any way with the baby and leave his home to do so. His ability to always want to help people is envious, and it’s why I see Ben as such a perfect Jim Gordon (I watched Gotham before this) Ryan changed a lot over the years and his story was definitely the most compelling to me out of any character on the show and his development was executed perfectly. Even if he was annoyed he managed to stay logical and level headed, I think he deserves much better than Marissa Cooper. His best love interest was Sadie, and it ain’t close.
Show: 8/10
submitted byjason_kandeltoTheOC [link][comments]• Marissa Cooper. Where to begin. An alternate title for this show should be “The Increasingly Poor Decision Making of Marissa Cooper” because she had absolutely no development and never seemed to learn her lesson. From Oliver to Johnny she would always let some guy she claimed to not have feelings for get in the way of her relationship with Ryan and always tried surrounding herself with the wrong people, like Volchok and Trey. I disliked her relationship with Ryan because she refused to realize he was just trying to look out for her and their relationship, while she would spiral if he even made eye contact with another girl, which didn’t see fair. I actually liked Ryan with both Lindsay and Sadie more. I will admit however that her death was devastating, and Season 4 missed her dearly, and it didn’t feel the same with Taylor trying to replace her.
• The Julie Cooper redemption arc was my favorite plot point. I went from despising this woman with every bone in my body in Season 1 to her becoming one of my favorites in Season 4. She had been through a lot but she stayed strong and always stayed true to the people she loved, even if she got extreme at times. And her entire arc with Caleb was such a fun train wreck to watch. Jimmy was an absolute bozo for screwing that up not once but twice. Plus Jimmy‘s chemistry with Hailey I liked better. Julie was comedic gold just like Seth and I loved her dynamic with the Cohens.
• I wish Anna hadn’t left after Seth and Summer got together, because I really liked her as another friend for the group, even though Seth clearly loved Summer and she would always be second place. I think she would’ve made a lot of sense with Zach, with the comic book and both being on the outside looking in with Seth and Summer.
• Sandy is such a fun character to root for. I like him for the same reasons Superman is my favorite superhero. I just love the ambition to do as much good and help the most people he can. I didn’t like seeing him compromise his beliefs while working at the Newport Group, it felt out of character.
• Ryan’s dad didn’t feel needed, he was in prison and did horrible things to his family, so how was everyone willing to forgive and forget so fast?
• I loved Che, big Chris Pratt fan. Has always been actor that has made me crack up and that was true to the OC as well.
• Olivia Wilde was so much fun as Alex, and Zach was great too. No reason to turn him bad to end the season, Seth and Summer were meant to be clearly.
• The redemption arcs of Taylor and Luke were great storylines, and seeing them both go from foe to that psychotic friend was funny! I felt so bad about the messes of their home lives though.
• And finally, Ryan. I felt Theresa was overused in his story and they never should’ve went anywhere; that baby wasn’t his but he’s a hell of a guy for willing to help Theresa in any way with the baby and leave his home to do so. His ability to always want to help people is envious, and it’s why I see Ben as such a perfect Jim Gordon (I watched Gotham before this) Ryan changed a lot over the years and his story was definitely the most compelling to me out of any character on the show and his development was executed perfectly. Even if he was annoyed he managed to stay logical and level headed, I think he deserves much better than Marissa Cooper. His best love interest was Sadie, and it ain’t close.
Show: 8/10
2021.12.17 18:18 cmgreyes1Must try date night restaurants?
Date night restaurants (good food & vibe) in downtown JC/newport/exchange place and maybe Hoboken?
Already have been to: Ani Ramen Dullboy South House Honshu Tamborim Orale (Trying Cellar 335 next week)
Was considering Latham House. Worth trying? TIA
submitted bycmgreyes1tojerseycity [link][comments]Already have been to: Ani Ramen Dullboy South House Honshu Tamborim Orale (Trying Cellar 335 next week)
Was considering Latham House. Worth trying? TIA
2021.12.17 04:24 BenSFletcher_Chapter Nine
“Well, There Goes My Tenure”
Billy didn’t think it would have been possible for him to meet a person he hated more than Yate, but that was before he’d met Austin Hickinbottom. He felt lucky, though, that they didn’t have to see much of him, as the only lessons they shared with the Crocodilians were Alchemy. Or at least that was until they read a notice that had been pinned up in the common room one morning.
First-years would be starting bouncing lessons on Friday afternoon, and the Osphranters would be learning with the Crocodilians.
“Brilliant,” said Billy, as they made their way down to the Banquet Hall for breakfast. “Just the way I wanted to end the week. Spending more time with the Crocodilians.”
He had been looking forward to learning how to bounce and finding out about the rules of Frogsports considerably more than the writer of this book had been about working out what they actually were.
“Look on the bright side,” said Ed, “We’ll get to see Austin embarrass himself. I know he keeps talking about how great he is, but I bet he’s just trying to show off.”
Austin certainly spent a lot of time talking about bouncing, and he was always complaining to whoever would listen about how unfair it was that first-years weren’t allowed their own space hoppers and never got picked for their house team.
He wasn’t alone, though. In fact, all those who’d grown up in magical families talked of nothing but Frogsports most of the time. Ed had already had an argument with Simon Philips, who shared their dormitory, about football. Ed just couldn’t understand what was so interesting about a sport that didn’t have a pantomime horse as a Keeper.
Josh had never been on a space hopper in his life, and he’d never been allowed to own a hockey stick. His grandmother had always thought it might be dangerous to let him. Billy, he had to admit, thought she had a good point, because Josh was an idiot who neither knew what was best for himself or ever realised when he had something valuable in his life that was worth keeping.
The only person more nervous about bouncing than Josh was Elahoraella Parker. Bouncing wasn’t something she could learn by studying from books — not that she hadn’t given it a good go. At breakfast on Friday, she sat at the table reading a book she’d taken from the library called Frogsports: A Tale of Highs, Lows, and then Highs Again. She didn’t seem to find much that would help her though, and everyone was relieved when her complaints about the book being too lily pad out with pointless facts were interrupted by the arrival of the morning post.
Billy hadn’t received a single letter since the one from Barry inviting him for tea, or at least not any actually addressed to him. Today Yodel dropped two letters in front of him. The first was addressed to the Russian Embassy in Washington, D.C. — the return address on the back told him it had come from 1211 6th Avenue — and the second to a boutique shoe shop in Stavanger.
A second pigeon flew down and dropped a small package in front of Josh. He opened it excitedly as the pigeon flew off. “It’s from my gran,” he said, taking out a small black fly-like object from inside of it. “It’s a Reflyder!” he explained. “She knows I’m always forgetting things — this helps remind you what you’ve forgotten. Look, you just let go, and if you’ve forgotten something, it bites you and you remember.”
He let go of the Reflyder. It flew a lap around his head and then landed on his hand. “Ouch!” he said as the Reflyder bit him. “Potatoes, onions, and apples all have the same taste,” he said. “The only difference is the smell. If you put a peg on your nose and wore a blindfold, you wouldn’t be able to tell one apart from the other two.”
Josh was just remembering how Arthur Conan Doyle (best known for creating Sherlock Holmes) was knighted in 1902 for his work defending the British Army’s invention of the concentration camp during the Boar War, when Austin Hickinbottom, who had found an excuse to pass by the Osphranter table, grabbed the Reflyder off of Josh’s hand.
Billy and Ed got to their feet, hoping for the chance to fight Austin, but Professor McDouglass appeared out of nowhere by their side.
“What is going on here?” she asked, suspiciously.
“Austin took my Reflyder, Professor.”
“Hickinbottom, is that true?”
Sneering, Austin let the Reflyder go.
“I was just admiring it,” he said, and he strode off.
“Brigadier Sir Nils Olav the Third is a penguin holding high rank in the Norwegian King’s Guard,” said Josh as the Reflyder landed back on his hand. “He often inspects the troops of the King’s Guard and can be recognised by the military badge he wears on his right flipper.”
“Are you feeling okay today, Mr Hansen?” asked Professor McDouglass.
“No one has ever witnessed an ostrich burying its head in the sand.”
Billy and Ed were just taking their seats again when — “SMITH! BEAVERSLEY!” said Professor McDouglass. “Just what do you think you are doing?”
“Professor?” said Billy, unsure what he was supposed to have done wrong.
“Those croissants you’re eating. Why are they bendy?”
“They came like that.”
“Well, it really won’t do. It’s far too European. We can’t have bendy croissants in this school.” And she took out her enchanted celery and pointed it as the pastries. Billy and Ed watched as the croissants uncurled in front of them. “There we go. It’s much easier to spread butter and jam on them when they’re straight.”
At two o’clock that afternoon, Billy, Ed, and the rest of the Osphranter first-years made their way out of the castle and into the grounds for their first bouncing lesson. It was a clear and warm day, but a light breeze caused waves to ripple through the grass as though the wind was being conducted to a fully orchestrated arrangement of Himno Nacional Argentino.
As they approached the flat plain of lawn by the edge of the loch, they found the Crocodilians were already there, and so were twenty deflated space hoppers lying in neat lines on the grass. Billy had heard Chad and Larry Beaversley complaining about the school space hoopers and how they had a habit of puncturing too easily, or how if the air inside them because too hot, they’d start screaming about being the unfair target of a campaign to cancel them.
Their teacher, Madam Webb — because apparently sport wasn’t important enough to give her the title of professor — arrived. She had short, brown hair, and orange eyes with circular black pupils. Elahoraella had told the Osphranters at lunch about how Madam Webb had been a professional Frogsports player, starting her career with the Hannover Hopscotches before becoming captain of the Tiverton Tadpoles and leading them to a historic win against the Newport Newts — the match was said to have been so tense the team mascot, MC Hopper, actually passed out and had to be substituted with Snoop Froggy Frog.
“Good afternoon,” she said, moving between them. “If you could all please stand by a space hopper, and we’ll get right to it.”
Billy glanced down at his space hopper. The colour was faded and it had a face drawn on it that looked rather sad. Still, thought Billy, it looked better than Ed’s, which was a patchy orange and sporting a toupee.
“Now, I want you all to stick both hands out as though you’re holding down an invisible balloon,” Madam Webb instructed them. “Then when you’re ready, say inflate!”
“Inflate!”
Billy’s space hopper filled with air at once, the sad face on the front becoming one of instant glee. No one else had such luck. While Ed’s space hopper had inflated, it had become much larger than expected, and was now making whoopee cushion noises from the unusually small mouth drawn on the front of it.”
“Yours has a face drawn on it too,” laughed Billy.
“That’s not a real — oh, wait, it is,” said Ed.
Madam Webb came over to help him. “Ah, Mr Beaversley. You’ve drawn the short straw I’m afraid — paper straw, that is — and become the person to show us the phenomenon we call Donald Toad.” She turned to the rest of the class. “Donald Toad is what happens when you’re not paying enough attention. That’s why it’s always important to focus on what’s going on.”
She took Ed’s overinflated space hopper and gave him a spare one. Then she began walking between the students and helping them inflate their own. When the class were ready to move on, she showed them how to mount and grip their space hoppers.
Billy and Ed found it hard not to laugh when she told Austin he’d been doing it wrong his whole life.
“Okay, I think we’re ready to start bouncing,” said Madam Webb. “When I blow my kazoo, I want you all to bounce three times on the spot, and then stop again. On my kazoo then. Three… two —”
But before the kazoo had even touched Madam Webb’s lips, Josh had taken a bounce forward — then another — and another — on his fourth he bounced straight over the rest of the class, but he didn’t stop there. He was bouncing higher and higher, and then — SMACK! — he bounced into the broad trunk of an oak tree and fell backward onto the grass in a heap.
“Well, there goes my tenure,” Madam Webb said to herself.
She ran up to Josh and bent over him. “It’s okay boy,” Billy heard her say. “You’ve only Ryanaired yourself — it’s all right, up you get.”
She turned to the rest of the class.
“None of you are to go anywhere or do anything until I return. Not one bounce while I help this boy to the hospital wing, or you’ll be hopping your way straight out the front gates.”
Madam Webb led a tearful, limping Josh back towards the castle. “Come on, we’ll get you fixed.”
“What does she mean he Ryanaired himself?” Billy asked Ed.
“It’s when you have a really uncomfortable journey and end up no where near where you actually wanted to go.”
“I thought Ryanairing meant somebody also has to start clapping at the end?” said Patrick O’Connor.
“Maybe if the idiot was being bitten by this stupid thing, he’d have remembered to book with a better airline.”
Billy turned around. Austin was wearing a smug expression and holding up Josh’s Reflyder.
“Give that here, Austin,” said Billy, fronting up to him. The Crocodilians all stopped laughing to watch.
Austin gave a quiet “heh” as he sized Billy up. “I don’t think I’m going to do that.”
“GIVE IT HERE!” Billy shouted, but Austin had jumped onto his space hopper and was now bouncing away from the group.
Billy grabbed his own space hopper.
“Coming to get it, are you, Smith?”
“Don’t do it,” said Elahoraella Parker. “Madam Webb told us to stay where we are — you’ll get into awful trouble.”
Billy ignored her. He mounted his space hopper and bounced off after Austin. And then he felt it — a feeling like he’d never felt before. A feeling that he could leave all his worries two inches below as he skimmed the tops of the tallest blades of grass. He felt the breeze in his hair, and his dressing gown catching the wind as though it was a parachute. This was easy, he thought to himself. This was wonderful. He pushed down hard on his next landing, and the momentum pushed him upwards to even greater heights. There was a cheer from Ed as he reached a clear five inches off the ground.
Austin stopped a little ahead and watched Billy with a stunned expression on his face.
“I said give it here, Austin,” Billy called. “Or I’ll put a puncture in that space hopper.”
“Oh, yeah?” Said Austin, his confidence faltering slightly.
Somehow, Billy knew what he had to do. He leant forward and tightly gripped the handles of the space hopper. Suddenly he was bouncing twice as fast, and Austin only just got out of the way in time to avoid the mild discomfort of a friction burn on his lower leg. Billy made a turn, and both he and the smily face on the front of his space hopper began staring Austin down.
“No Alastair and David to help you now, Austin,” said Billy.
“Have it then,” said Austin, and he threw the Reflyder at Billy.
Billy could see it coming straight for his face and knew he’d need a plaster if it hit his nose. He thought about ducking out the way, but at the very last moment he bounced upwards, and on his way back down, he reached out his arm and swatted the Reflyder from its flightpath and down to the ground.
“BILLY SMITH!”
He felt himself deflate quicker than a puffer fish in a YO! Sushi. Professor McDouglass was running over to them. He got off his space hopper and stood waiting nervously.
“Never — in all my time as a teacher —”
Professor McDouglass seemed to be in shock, and she looked furious. “How dare you, Smith — do you have any idea? — You might have suffered whiplash —”
“It wasn’t him, Professor —”
“Be quiet, Mr Beaversley. Smith, follow me.”
Billy could hear Austin and the rest of the Crocodilians laughing as he followed Professor McDouglass numbly back towards the school. He was going to be kicked out, he was sure of it. He wanted to try to defend himself, to explain why he’d done it, but he didn’t seem to be able to say anything. Professor McDouglass led him down corridors, through doors, up staircases, and then down another, all without saying anything to him.
Eventually, she led him to the bridge leading to the Vigilantism classroom.
“Why could the dog’s owner not say exactly how long the dog had been playing for?” asked the troll that guarded the bridge.
“I don’t know,” said Professor McDouglass. “The owner’s watch was broken?”
“Incorrect.”
“Smith, do you have any ideas?” she said, finally speaking to him.
“They could only give a ball-park figure?”
“They could only give a ball-park figure?” Professor McDouglass repeated to the troll.
“Correct,” said the troll, moving out the way to allow them passage.
“That was very good, Smith,” said Professor McDouglass, turning back to Billy and looking impressed.
She told Billy to wait there and crossed the bridge alone. He watched as she knocked on the classroom door and then went inside.
A moment later, Professor McDouglass came back out, but she wasn’t alone. A tall fourth-year boy Billy had seen in the common room followed her. The boy looked just as confused as Billy was now feeling.
Professor McDouglass led the boy across the bridge, told Billy to follow as well, and then continued down another corridor.
“In here,” she said.
Professor McDouglass pointed them into a classroom which was empty, except for Karen, who was busy adjusting the validity dates on a pile of coupons.
“Out, Karen!” she said sternly.
Karen looked up at her. “I DEMAND TO SEE THE MANGER,” she said, floating towards them.
“I am the manager and you are banned.”
Professor McDouglass pulled a mobile phone from the pocket of her dressing gown and pressed record.
“NO — DON’T VIDEO ME — STOP VIDEOING ME.” Billy couldn’t understand why Karen kept moving closer to the camera if she didn’t want to be recorded, but Professor McDouglass’ plan seemed to be working. “YOU’RE ATTACKING ME — STOP ATTACKING MEEE…” As her voice faded away, Karen exploded into a burst of negative energy.
Professor McDouglass put away her phone and rubbed her hands together. “That is how you deal with that,” said said, turning back to them with a smile.
“Now, Smith, I would like you to meet Henry Plank. Plank, you know who this is already, of course, but let me introduce you to your new Swatter.”
Plank’s confused expression faded immediately.
“Do you mean it, Professor?”
“Certainly,” said Professor McDouglass sincerely. “The boy’s a natural. I’ve just watched him and I’ve never seen anything like it. Was that your first time on a space hopper, Smith?”
Billy wasn’t sure what was going on, but he didn’t appear to be being expelled. “Er, yes,” he said. “That was our first bouncing lesson.”
“I’m telling you, Plank, he swatted that thing down as easy as anything,” said Professor McDouglass. “And it was fast too — add in the sun shining in his eyes, and well, he’s exactly what the team needs.”
Plank looked as though he was the happiest he had ever been.
“Ever watched a game of Frogsports, Smith?” he asked.
“Plank is the Osphranter team captain,” explained Professor McDouglass.
“He’s the right build to play Swatter, too,” said Plank. “Agile — quick — he’ll need a good space hopper, though, Professor — nothing less than a BunnyRibbit Eleven or a Merry-go-Bounce, if we want him to play his best.”
“I shall see what can be done about that,” said Professor McDouglass. “I’ve got evidence the headmaster has stealing office supplies again, so I’m sure I can convince him to loosen the first-year ban.”
“You must be joking — really?”
It was dinner. Billy had just told Ed what had happened when he’d left the grounds with Professor McDouglass.
“Swatter,” said Ed. “But first-years never make — you must be —”
“More important than everybody else, so these things will always happen to me,” said Billy. “That’s what Professor McDouglas told me.”
Ed stared at Billy with admiration.
“Training starts next week,” said Billy. “But Plank doesn’t want anybody to know I’m on the team.”
Chad and Larry Beaversley entered the hall, found Billy, and ran over.
“Good one,” said Chad in a whisper. “Plank’s just told us the news. We’re on the team too — Bouncers.”
“I think this is our year for sure,” said Larry.
“Anyway, we’ve got to make a convenient exit so some other characters can enter. See you.”
Chad and Larry had been gone barely a moment when someone far less welcome appeared: Austin, with Alastair on one side and David on the other.
“Your train home delayed, Smith? Have time for a quick meal first?”
“You seem a lot braver now you’ve got your little friends with you,” said Billy. It might only have been a figure of speech, but if Josh’s Reflyder landed on your hand, you’d suddenly remember that neither Alastair nor David were little.
“I could take you on anytime on my own,” said Austin. “Tonight, if you’re not too scared. Magician’s duel. Sorcery only. What’s the matter? Never heard of a magician’s duel before, Smith?”
“Of course he has,” said Ed, getting to his feet. “I’m his assistant, who’s yours?”
Austin looked at Alastair, and then to David.
“David,” he said, shrugging. “We’ll start at midnight, if that’s not past your bedtimes? We’ll meet you in the security office just off the main hall.”
When Austin had walked off, Billy turned to Ed. “What is a magician’s duel?” he asked him.
“It’s where two magicians face off by seeing who can pull the biggest objects out of the smallest hat.”
“And what do you mean, you’re my assistant?”
“Well, an assistant is there to go ta-da!” said Ed.
“Ta-da?”
“Ta-da!”
“And what if I can’t pull anything out of the hat?”
Ed shrugged. “Just pull it over his head and push him down the stairs.”
“Excuse me.”
They both looked up. It was Elahoraella Parker.
“I couldn’t help but overhear what you and Austin were talking about —”
“Of course, you couldn’t,” said Ed.
“— and, well, I think it’s very stupid to be fighting with him. Especially at night. Think of what will happen if you get caught — and you’re bound to be. Think of the credits you’ll lose Osphranter house. It’s very selfish of you.”
“And it really is nothing to do with you,” said Billy.
However annoying he might have found Elahoraella, as he lay awake, waiting for midnight to arrive, he had to admit she had a point about their chances of being caught. Chad and Larry often talked about their nighttime adventures around the castle, and none of their stories failed to include at least one close encounter with a teacher. Billy and Ed didn’t know their way around as well as the twins, and they certainly had no idea where any of the hidden shortcuts or hiding places were. On the other hand, Billy wanted nothing more than to face Austin head on.
“Quarter to twelve,” said Ed at last. “It’s time to go.”
They pulled on their dressing gowns, picked up their enchanted celeries, and made their way quietly out of the dormitory, down the stairs, and across the common room. They were just about to reach the door when a voice spoke behind them. “I can’t believe you’re both risking this.”
Ed let out a high-pitched scream, but Billy covered his mouth before it could wake anyone up.
“Thanks,” said Ed.
A light flickered on as they turned back. Elahoraella Parker was sat in an armchair.
“What are you doing here?” asked Ed.
“I’m here to stop you.”
“This is nothing to do with you.”
Billy couldn’t believe anyone could be so interfering, but he wondered if a less negative adjective or perhaps even a heroic description might be used later on if a male character did the same thing.
“Come on,” said Billy. “We need to go.” He pushed open the door and stepped out into the corridor.
Elahoraella wasn’t prepared to give up just yet, however, and she followed them out of the common room.
“Don’t you care about the rest of our house? You’ll lose so many credits if you’re caught.”
“We’re less likely to get caught if you just shut up.”
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Be quiet, both of you!” said Billy suddenly. “I can hear something.”
Ahead of them, the sound of snoring came from the darkness.
“Do you think it’s Kevin? He might have fallen asleep on guard duty.”
But it wasn’t the caretaker. It was Josh, and he was curled up on the floor, fast asleep. He jolted awake as they got closer.
“Oh, it’s you three,” he said. “I’ve been stuck out here for hours. I couldn’t perform the new passdance to get into the common room because of my arm.” And he showed them the sling supporting his left arm.
Billy pulled Josh’s Reflyder out of his pocket and handed it back to him. “Here. I got this back from Austin for you,” he said.
“Thanks, Billy,” said Josh. He let the Reflyder go, and it landed on his hand. “Did you know that the town of Cormorant in Minnesota elected a dog called Duke as mayor for four consecutive terms?”
“Er, sure — look, Josh, Ed and I have somewhere we need to be. Elahoraella will help you get back into the common room —”
“Oh no, I won’t,” said Elahoraella sternly. “I’m coming with both of you so that I can tell a teacher exactly what’s going on if you’re caught.”
“Don’t leave me here alone,” said Josh, getting to his feet. “Baroness Thatcher has already been past three times to call me a drain on the state.”
Billy glanced down at his watch — it was now five minutes to midnight — and then glared at Josh and Elahoraella.
“Fine, come with us then. But just be quiet.”
They ran along corridors and down staircases, stopping every few moments to listen for the sound of approaching teachers. At every turn they expected to run into one of the ghosts or Kevin, but they were lucky. When they reached the entrance hall, it too was empty. They ran across it and entered through the small door they knew led to the security office.
What they found inside came as a surprise. Along one wall was a large desk with at least forty computer screens set up around it, each of them showing a camera feed from a different part of the castle. They watched Professor Crumbleceiling playing air guitar atop the teacher’s table in the Banquet Hall before noticing another screen where Professor Grape was looking suspicious as he carried equipment out of one of the school greenhouses. There was no sign of Austin or David anywhere.
“Maybe they’re too scared to come?” said Ed.
“Or they’re just late.”
“Oh my goodness,” said Elahoraella, pointing at one of the screens.
“What is it?” asked Billy. “Can you see them coming?”
“There are — slaves. Slaves are cleaning the school at night. I can see them on the cameras.”
They both looked at where she was pointing.
“I know what they are,” said Ed. “They’re elves.”
“I don’t think we’re supposed to know about this for another few years,” said Billy.
“Really, Billy, is it any better to be taught about slavery as though it’s a perfectly normal and acceptable thing when we’re fourteen compared to when we’re eleven?” said Elahoraella.
Billy thought about this for a moment — Elahoraella was right. There was something seriously messed up about introducing slavery to children by framing it as being okay so long as privileged people don’t have to clean up after themselves.
And then a voice made them all jump.
“In the 1960s, the CIA attempted to train a cat to become a spy, so they could eavesdrop on conversations between Soviet operatives, but the mission failed because the cat kept ignoring instructions when it was hungry.”
They had almost forgotten Josh was with them and for a moment thought Kevin had found them.
“Be quiet, Josh, or somebody will —”
“IS ANYBODY IN THERE?” This time it really was Kevin, and he was stood just outside the door.
Billy made straight for a second door which he knew led to the Banquet Hall, and waved for the others to follow. They made it just in time. As Billy closed the door behind Josh, he heard Kevin talking.
“Hiding are you?” he called out. “I know you’re in here somewhere. I heard you.”
“I think we’ll be safe —”
He fell silent as he turned around and found himself face to face with Professor Crumbleceiling, who had just stage dived onto Ed, Elahoraella, and Josh.
“I won’t say anything if you don’t,” said Crumbleceiling. Silently, they gave each other a nod.
Crumbleceiling bowed them all goodnight and left.
“Come on!” Billy said to the others. Scared about running into another teacher, they left the Banquet Hall, ran back across the entrance hall and up the stairs to a corridor on the second floor.
They were just catching their breath when Josh declared, “Chickens can get depressed.”
“Shut up —”
“Who was that?”
It was Professor McDouglass’ voice that spoke this time.
“Run!” whispered Billy, and the four of them sprinted down the corridor, not looking back to see if anyone was following — they turned the corner and ran down a corridor then another, Billy leading the group but not knowing where he was leading them to. They came to a stop outside Professor Millbrook’s classroom.
“I think we’re okay here,” Billy panted. “I don’t think anybody followed us.”
“Don’t the teachers ever sleep?”
“I — told — you,” Elahoraella gasped. “I told you this would happen.”
“We need to get back to the common room,” said Ed.
“Austin tricked you,” said Elahoraella. “You know that, don’t you? He just wanted to get you both kicked out.”
“That doesn’t matter now,” Billy snapped at her. He nodded at Ed and then said, “Let’s go.”
But no sooner had they started to run again when a ghostly figure flew past them, then stopped to block the way forward.
It was Karen, and she looked as though she’d just found her prey.
“Ooo, you’re not mangers, are you? You’re not even supervisors — I could get you all expelled if you don’t help me.”
“Go away, Karen.”
Karen laughed.
“I’ve got a little problem you can help me with first — I’ve got this t-shirt, see, and it says If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. But it doesn’t work. People still talk to me and tell me to get over myself.”
“How is that our problem?”
“Should call corporate, I should,” said Karen in a superior voice. “They’d explain how it’s your problem.”
“Just leave us alone,” snapped Ed, but he knew right away he had made a mistake.
“POLICE! POLICE!” Karen screamed at the top of her voice. “HELP, I’M BEING OPPRESSED! THEY’RE DENYING ME MY FREE SPEECH!”
Diving under Karen, they ran for it. They turned a corner and sprinted down a long corridor with just a single door at the end of it — but it wouldn’t open.
“What do we do now?” said Ed, panicking. “The door’s locked.”
“In ancient China, owning locks and keys was a status symbol afforded only to the wealthy. The ruling class often had padlocks shaped as animals,” said Josh.
“How is that helpful right now?”
Behind them, they could hear running as Kevin followed Karen’s shouts.
“We’re done for,” said Billy.
“Oh, move over and let me do it,” said Elahoraella, pushing Billy out of the way. She pulled out her enchanted celery, pointed it at the lock and whispered, “Open Sesame!”
The lock clicked and the door swung open — they rushed through it, closed it behind them, and then listened with their ears pressed up against the wood.
“Where are they, Karen?” they could hear Kevin asking. “Which way did they go?”
“Excuse me? I don’t work for you. You work for me.”
“Just tell me where they went.”
“Are you paying me to help you? I think you’ll find that it’s you who should be telling me where they went.”
“I think we’re safe,” whispered Billy. “Karen isn’t telling him anything — stop it, Josh!” Josh had been pulling at the sleeve of his dressing gown. “What?”
Billy turned around — and saw, quite clearly, that they weren’t safe at all.
They weren’t in a cupboard as he had thought. They were in a passageway. They were in the proscribed passageway on the second floor. And now they knew why it was proscribed.
They were staring straight into the eyes of a gigantic mallard duck. A duck with two heads that filled the whole passageway.
Two pairs of black eyes that blinked curiously at them; two giant bills that could crack them in half as easily as if they were twigs. They looked down; two enormous webbed feet which could crush them all with a single step. It was as if the Quacken had risen.
“I’m sure there’s a simple egg-splanation for this,” said Billy.
“Do any of you have any duck tape with you?” asked Ed. “We could tape its bills shut.”
“Why don’t we distract it with food? I saw something on a duckumentary about that once.”
“I don’t have any quackers with me.”
“What about some quackamole?”
“Will you stop quacking jokes and focus,” said Elahoraella.
“We could throw a fire-quacker to startle it?”
It was Josh’s turn. “Ducks don’t normally mate for life. Most ducks seek out a new mate each year, often choosing the strongest and healthiest mate for that breeding season.”
One of the duck’s heads moved forward and gently nudged Ed as though checking to see if he was ripe.
“I think we should stop with the wise quacks now.”
Billy’s hand searched for the doorknob as, “QUACKKKKKK!” The duck’s second head harmonised with its first. Billy found the knob and as he pushed the door open, they fell backward out of the passageway. Billy jumped to his feet and slammed the door shut before the duck could push one of its heads through.
They were grateful that nothing else happened on their way back to the common room. Kevin had obviously gone off to look for them somewhere else, while Karen must have gone to leave the caretaker a negative Google review.
Billy performed an out-of-breath version of the passdance and they clambered into the common room before collapsing silently into armchairs by the fire. It was some time before any of them spoke.
“That duck had a quackitude,” said Ed finally. “What’s it doing inside a school?”
Elahoraella had got her breath back, and she was in a bad mood. “Didn’t any of you use your eyes?” she snapped. “It was standing on something.”
“Standing on something?”
“Didn’t you see the trapdoor below its feet? It’s obviously guarding something.”
“Protecting something from a robber ducky, you mean?”
Elahoraella stood up, glaring at them.
“I hope you’re both very pleased with yourselves. You could have got us all killed.”
“We didn’t make you come with us.”
“Go duck yourself, Ed,” said Elahoraella. And with that, she went off to her dormitory.
Ed felt Elahoraella’s comment had been fowl-play, but as he climbed back into bed five minutes later, Billy was thinking about something else she had said. The duck was guarding something… and then he remembered what Billy had told him months earlier; the only place more secure than the Sino Pauper Edo Recondo Mammonas Bank was Frogsports.
It looked as though he had just found out where the tiny package Barry had taken from vault sixty-nine was now hiding.
“Hey, Billy,” whispered Ed from his own bed. “This place is seriously messed up, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” said Billy. “It is.”
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A Small Ask
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Writing comedy like this is my job (and this is no short parody, it really is over 100k words) and like 99% of creatives right now, even the smallest contributions can make a difference to help us survive and continue doing what we do.
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Billy didn’t think it would have been possible for him to meet a person he hated more than Yate, but that was before he’d met Austin Hickinbottom. He felt lucky, though, that they didn’t have to see much of him, as the only lessons they shared with the Crocodilians were Alchemy. Or at least that was until they read a notice that had been pinned up in the common room one morning.
First-years would be starting bouncing lessons on Friday afternoon, and the Osphranters would be learning with the Crocodilians.
“Brilliant,” said Billy, as they made their way down to the Banquet Hall for breakfast. “Just the way I wanted to end the week. Spending more time with the Crocodilians.”
He had been looking forward to learning how to bounce and finding out about the rules of Frogsports considerably more than the writer of this book had been about working out what they actually were.
“Look on the bright side,” said Ed, “We’ll get to see Austin embarrass himself. I know he keeps talking about how great he is, but I bet he’s just trying to show off.”
Austin certainly spent a lot of time talking about bouncing, and he was always complaining to whoever would listen about how unfair it was that first-years weren’t allowed their own space hoppers and never got picked for their house team.
He wasn’t alone, though. In fact, all those who’d grown up in magical families talked of nothing but Frogsports most of the time. Ed had already had an argument with Simon Philips, who shared their dormitory, about football. Ed just couldn’t understand what was so interesting about a sport that didn’t have a pantomime horse as a Keeper.
Josh had never been on a space hopper in his life, and he’d never been allowed to own a hockey stick. His grandmother had always thought it might be dangerous to let him. Billy, he had to admit, thought she had a good point, because Josh was an idiot who neither knew what was best for himself or ever realised when he had something valuable in his life that was worth keeping.
The only person more nervous about bouncing than Josh was Elahoraella Parker. Bouncing wasn’t something she could learn by studying from books — not that she hadn’t given it a good go. At breakfast on Friday, she sat at the table reading a book she’d taken from the library called Frogsports: A Tale of Highs, Lows, and then Highs Again. She didn’t seem to find much that would help her though, and everyone was relieved when her complaints about the book being too lily pad out with pointless facts were interrupted by the arrival of the morning post.
Billy hadn’t received a single letter since the one from Barry inviting him for tea, or at least not any actually addressed to him. Today Yodel dropped two letters in front of him. The first was addressed to the Russian Embassy in Washington, D.C. — the return address on the back told him it had come from 1211 6th Avenue — and the second to a boutique shoe shop in Stavanger.
A second pigeon flew down and dropped a small package in front of Josh. He opened it excitedly as the pigeon flew off. “It’s from my gran,” he said, taking out a small black fly-like object from inside of it. “It’s a Reflyder!” he explained. “She knows I’m always forgetting things — this helps remind you what you’ve forgotten. Look, you just let go, and if you’ve forgotten something, it bites you and you remember.”
He let go of the Reflyder. It flew a lap around his head and then landed on his hand. “Ouch!” he said as the Reflyder bit him. “Potatoes, onions, and apples all have the same taste,” he said. “The only difference is the smell. If you put a peg on your nose and wore a blindfold, you wouldn’t be able to tell one apart from the other two.”
Josh was just remembering how Arthur Conan Doyle (best known for creating Sherlock Holmes) was knighted in 1902 for his work defending the British Army’s invention of the concentration camp during the Boar War, when Austin Hickinbottom, who had found an excuse to pass by the Osphranter table, grabbed the Reflyder off of Josh’s hand.
Billy and Ed got to their feet, hoping for the chance to fight Austin, but Professor McDouglass appeared out of nowhere by their side.
“What is going on here?” she asked, suspiciously.
“Austin took my Reflyder, Professor.”
“Hickinbottom, is that true?”
Sneering, Austin let the Reflyder go.
“I was just admiring it,” he said, and he strode off.
“Brigadier Sir Nils Olav the Third is a penguin holding high rank in the Norwegian King’s Guard,” said Josh as the Reflyder landed back on his hand. “He often inspects the troops of the King’s Guard and can be recognised by the military badge he wears on his right flipper.”
“Are you feeling okay today, Mr Hansen?” asked Professor McDouglass.
“No one has ever witnessed an ostrich burying its head in the sand.”
Billy and Ed were just taking their seats again when — “SMITH! BEAVERSLEY!” said Professor McDouglass. “Just what do you think you are doing?”
“Professor?” said Billy, unsure what he was supposed to have done wrong.
“Those croissants you’re eating. Why are they bendy?”
“They came like that.”
“Well, it really won’t do. It’s far too European. We can’t have bendy croissants in this school.” And she took out her enchanted celery and pointed it as the pastries. Billy and Ed watched as the croissants uncurled in front of them. “There we go. It’s much easier to spread butter and jam on them when they’re straight.”
At two o’clock that afternoon, Billy, Ed, and the rest of the Osphranter first-years made their way out of the castle and into the grounds for their first bouncing lesson. It was a clear and warm day, but a light breeze caused waves to ripple through the grass as though the wind was being conducted to a fully orchestrated arrangement of Himno Nacional Argentino.
As they approached the flat plain of lawn by the edge of the loch, they found the Crocodilians were already there, and so were twenty deflated space hoppers lying in neat lines on the grass. Billy had heard Chad and Larry Beaversley complaining about the school space hoopers and how they had a habit of puncturing too easily, or how if the air inside them because too hot, they’d start screaming about being the unfair target of a campaign to cancel them.
Their teacher, Madam Webb — because apparently sport wasn’t important enough to give her the title of professor — arrived. She had short, brown hair, and orange eyes with circular black pupils. Elahoraella had told the Osphranters at lunch about how Madam Webb had been a professional Frogsports player, starting her career with the Hannover Hopscotches before becoming captain of the Tiverton Tadpoles and leading them to a historic win against the Newport Newts — the match was said to have been so tense the team mascot, MC Hopper, actually passed out and had to be substituted with Snoop Froggy Frog.
“Good afternoon,” she said, moving between them. “If you could all please stand by a space hopper, and we’ll get right to it.”
Billy glanced down at his space hopper. The colour was faded and it had a face drawn on it that looked rather sad. Still, thought Billy, it looked better than Ed’s, which was a patchy orange and sporting a toupee.
“Now, I want you all to stick both hands out as though you’re holding down an invisible balloon,” Madam Webb instructed them. “Then when you’re ready, say inflate!”
“Inflate!”
Billy’s space hopper filled with air at once, the sad face on the front becoming one of instant glee. No one else had such luck. While Ed’s space hopper had inflated, it had become much larger than expected, and was now making whoopee cushion noises from the unusually small mouth drawn on the front of it.”
“Yours has a face drawn on it too,” laughed Billy.
“That’s not a real — oh, wait, it is,” said Ed.
Madam Webb came over to help him. “Ah, Mr Beaversley. You’ve drawn the short straw I’m afraid — paper straw, that is — and become the person to show us the phenomenon we call Donald Toad.” She turned to the rest of the class. “Donald Toad is what happens when you’re not paying enough attention. That’s why it’s always important to focus on what’s going on.”
She took Ed’s overinflated space hopper and gave him a spare one. Then she began walking between the students and helping them inflate their own. When the class were ready to move on, she showed them how to mount and grip their space hoppers.
Billy and Ed found it hard not to laugh when she told Austin he’d been doing it wrong his whole life.
“Okay, I think we’re ready to start bouncing,” said Madam Webb. “When I blow my kazoo, I want you all to bounce three times on the spot, and then stop again. On my kazoo then. Three… two —”
But before the kazoo had even touched Madam Webb’s lips, Josh had taken a bounce forward — then another — and another — on his fourth he bounced straight over the rest of the class, but he didn’t stop there. He was bouncing higher and higher, and then — SMACK! — he bounced into the broad trunk of an oak tree and fell backward onto the grass in a heap.
“Well, there goes my tenure,” Madam Webb said to herself.
She ran up to Josh and bent over him. “It’s okay boy,” Billy heard her say. “You’ve only Ryanaired yourself — it’s all right, up you get.”
She turned to the rest of the class.
“None of you are to go anywhere or do anything until I return. Not one bounce while I help this boy to the hospital wing, or you’ll be hopping your way straight out the front gates.”
Madam Webb led a tearful, limping Josh back towards the castle. “Come on, we’ll get you fixed.”
“What does she mean he Ryanaired himself?” Billy asked Ed.
“It’s when you have a really uncomfortable journey and end up no where near where you actually wanted to go.”
“I thought Ryanairing meant somebody also has to start clapping at the end?” said Patrick O’Connor.
“Maybe if the idiot was being bitten by this stupid thing, he’d have remembered to book with a better airline.”
Billy turned around. Austin was wearing a smug expression and holding up Josh’s Reflyder.
“Give that here, Austin,” said Billy, fronting up to him. The Crocodilians all stopped laughing to watch.
Austin gave a quiet “heh” as he sized Billy up. “I don’t think I’m going to do that.”
“GIVE IT HERE!” Billy shouted, but Austin had jumped onto his space hopper and was now bouncing away from the group.
Billy grabbed his own space hopper.
“Coming to get it, are you, Smith?”
“Don’t do it,” said Elahoraella Parker. “Madam Webb told us to stay where we are — you’ll get into awful trouble.”
Billy ignored her. He mounted his space hopper and bounced off after Austin. And then he felt it — a feeling like he’d never felt before. A feeling that he could leave all his worries two inches below as he skimmed the tops of the tallest blades of grass. He felt the breeze in his hair, and his dressing gown catching the wind as though it was a parachute. This was easy, he thought to himself. This was wonderful. He pushed down hard on his next landing, and the momentum pushed him upwards to even greater heights. There was a cheer from Ed as he reached a clear five inches off the ground.
Austin stopped a little ahead and watched Billy with a stunned expression on his face.
“I said give it here, Austin,” Billy called. “Or I’ll put a puncture in that space hopper.”
“Oh, yeah?” Said Austin, his confidence faltering slightly.
Somehow, Billy knew what he had to do. He leant forward and tightly gripped the handles of the space hopper. Suddenly he was bouncing twice as fast, and Austin only just got out of the way in time to avoid the mild discomfort of a friction burn on his lower leg. Billy made a turn, and both he and the smily face on the front of his space hopper began staring Austin down.
“No Alastair and David to help you now, Austin,” said Billy.
“Have it then,” said Austin, and he threw the Reflyder at Billy.
Billy could see it coming straight for his face and knew he’d need a plaster if it hit his nose. He thought about ducking out the way, but at the very last moment he bounced upwards, and on his way back down, he reached out his arm and swatted the Reflyder from its flightpath and down to the ground.
“BILLY SMITH!”
He felt himself deflate quicker than a puffer fish in a YO! Sushi. Professor McDouglass was running over to them. He got off his space hopper and stood waiting nervously.
“Never — in all my time as a teacher —”
Professor McDouglass seemed to be in shock, and she looked furious. “How dare you, Smith — do you have any idea? — You might have suffered whiplash —”
“It wasn’t him, Professor —”
“Be quiet, Mr Beaversley. Smith, follow me.”
Billy could hear Austin and the rest of the Crocodilians laughing as he followed Professor McDouglass numbly back towards the school. He was going to be kicked out, he was sure of it. He wanted to try to defend himself, to explain why he’d done it, but he didn’t seem to be able to say anything. Professor McDouglass led him down corridors, through doors, up staircases, and then down another, all without saying anything to him.
Eventually, she led him to the bridge leading to the Vigilantism classroom.
“Why could the dog’s owner not say exactly how long the dog had been playing for?” asked the troll that guarded the bridge.
“I don’t know,” said Professor McDouglass. “The owner’s watch was broken?”
“Incorrect.”
“Smith, do you have any ideas?” she said, finally speaking to him.
“They could only give a ball-park figure?”
“They could only give a ball-park figure?” Professor McDouglass repeated to the troll.
“Correct,” said the troll, moving out the way to allow them passage.
“That was very good, Smith,” said Professor McDouglass, turning back to Billy and looking impressed.
She told Billy to wait there and crossed the bridge alone. He watched as she knocked on the classroom door and then went inside.
A moment later, Professor McDouglass came back out, but she wasn’t alone. A tall fourth-year boy Billy had seen in the common room followed her. The boy looked just as confused as Billy was now feeling.
Professor McDouglass led the boy across the bridge, told Billy to follow as well, and then continued down another corridor.
“In here,” she said.
Professor McDouglass pointed them into a classroom which was empty, except for Karen, who was busy adjusting the validity dates on a pile of coupons.
“Out, Karen!” she said sternly.
Karen looked up at her. “I DEMAND TO SEE THE MANGER,” she said, floating towards them.
“I am the manager and you are banned.”
Professor McDouglass pulled a mobile phone from the pocket of her dressing gown and pressed record.
“NO — DON’T VIDEO ME — STOP VIDEOING ME.” Billy couldn’t understand why Karen kept moving closer to the camera if she didn’t want to be recorded, but Professor McDouglass’ plan seemed to be working. “YOU’RE ATTACKING ME — STOP ATTACKING MEEE…” As her voice faded away, Karen exploded into a burst of negative energy.
Professor McDouglass put away her phone and rubbed her hands together. “That is how you deal with that,” said said, turning back to them with a smile.
“Now, Smith, I would like you to meet Henry Plank. Plank, you know who this is already, of course, but let me introduce you to your new Swatter.”
Plank’s confused expression faded immediately.
“Do you mean it, Professor?”
“Certainly,” said Professor McDouglass sincerely. “The boy’s a natural. I’ve just watched him and I’ve never seen anything like it. Was that your first time on a space hopper, Smith?”
Billy wasn’t sure what was going on, but he didn’t appear to be being expelled. “Er, yes,” he said. “That was our first bouncing lesson.”
“I’m telling you, Plank, he swatted that thing down as easy as anything,” said Professor McDouglass. “And it was fast too — add in the sun shining in his eyes, and well, he’s exactly what the team needs.”
Plank looked as though he was the happiest he had ever been.
“Ever watched a game of Frogsports, Smith?” he asked.
“Plank is the Osphranter team captain,” explained Professor McDouglass.
“He’s the right build to play Swatter, too,” said Plank. “Agile — quick — he’ll need a good space hopper, though, Professor — nothing less than a BunnyRibbit Eleven or a Merry-go-Bounce, if we want him to play his best.”
“I shall see what can be done about that,” said Professor McDouglass. “I’ve got evidence the headmaster has stealing office supplies again, so I’m sure I can convince him to loosen the first-year ban.”
“You must be joking — really?”
It was dinner. Billy had just told Ed what had happened when he’d left the grounds with Professor McDouglass.
“Swatter,” said Ed. “But first-years never make — you must be —”
“More important than everybody else, so these things will always happen to me,” said Billy. “That’s what Professor McDouglas told me.”
Ed stared at Billy with admiration.
“Training starts next week,” said Billy. “But Plank doesn’t want anybody to know I’m on the team.”
Chad and Larry Beaversley entered the hall, found Billy, and ran over.
“Good one,” said Chad in a whisper. “Plank’s just told us the news. We’re on the team too — Bouncers.”
“I think this is our year for sure,” said Larry.
“Anyway, we’ve got to make a convenient exit so some other characters can enter. See you.”
Chad and Larry had been gone barely a moment when someone far less welcome appeared: Austin, with Alastair on one side and David on the other.
“Your train home delayed, Smith? Have time for a quick meal first?”
“You seem a lot braver now you’ve got your little friends with you,” said Billy. It might only have been a figure of speech, but if Josh’s Reflyder landed on your hand, you’d suddenly remember that neither Alastair nor David were little.
“I could take you on anytime on my own,” said Austin. “Tonight, if you’re not too scared. Magician’s duel. Sorcery only. What’s the matter? Never heard of a magician’s duel before, Smith?”
“Of course he has,” said Ed, getting to his feet. “I’m his assistant, who’s yours?”
Austin looked at Alastair, and then to David.
“David,” he said, shrugging. “We’ll start at midnight, if that’s not past your bedtimes? We’ll meet you in the security office just off the main hall.”
When Austin had walked off, Billy turned to Ed. “What is a magician’s duel?” he asked him.
“It’s where two magicians face off by seeing who can pull the biggest objects out of the smallest hat.”
“And what do you mean, you’re my assistant?”
“Well, an assistant is there to go ta-da!” said Ed.
“Ta-da?”
“Ta-da!”
“And what if I can’t pull anything out of the hat?”
Ed shrugged. “Just pull it over his head and push him down the stairs.”
“Excuse me.”
They both looked up. It was Elahoraella Parker.
“I couldn’t help but overhear what you and Austin were talking about —”
“Of course, you couldn’t,” said Ed.
“— and, well, I think it’s very stupid to be fighting with him. Especially at night. Think of what will happen if you get caught — and you’re bound to be. Think of the credits you’ll lose Osphranter house. It’s very selfish of you.”
“And it really is nothing to do with you,” said Billy.
However annoying he might have found Elahoraella, as he lay awake, waiting for midnight to arrive, he had to admit she had a point about their chances of being caught. Chad and Larry often talked about their nighttime adventures around the castle, and none of their stories failed to include at least one close encounter with a teacher. Billy and Ed didn’t know their way around as well as the twins, and they certainly had no idea where any of the hidden shortcuts or hiding places were. On the other hand, Billy wanted nothing more than to face Austin head on.
“Quarter to twelve,” said Ed at last. “It’s time to go.”
They pulled on their dressing gowns, picked up their enchanted celeries, and made their way quietly out of the dormitory, down the stairs, and across the common room. They were just about to reach the door when a voice spoke behind them. “I can’t believe you’re both risking this.”
Ed let out a high-pitched scream, but Billy covered his mouth before it could wake anyone up.
“Thanks,” said Ed.
A light flickered on as they turned back. Elahoraella Parker was sat in an armchair.
“What are you doing here?” asked Ed.
“I’m here to stop you.”
“This is nothing to do with you.”
Billy couldn’t believe anyone could be so interfering, but he wondered if a less negative adjective or perhaps even a heroic description might be used later on if a male character did the same thing.
“Come on,” said Billy. “We need to go.” He pushed open the door and stepped out into the corridor.
Elahoraella wasn’t prepared to give up just yet, however, and she followed them out of the common room.
“Don’t you care about the rest of our house? You’ll lose so many credits if you’re caught.”
“We’re less likely to get caught if you just shut up.”
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Be quiet, both of you!” said Billy suddenly. “I can hear something.”
Ahead of them, the sound of snoring came from the darkness.
“Do you think it’s Kevin? He might have fallen asleep on guard duty.”
But it wasn’t the caretaker. It was Josh, and he was curled up on the floor, fast asleep. He jolted awake as they got closer.
“Oh, it’s you three,” he said. “I’ve been stuck out here for hours. I couldn’t perform the new passdance to get into the common room because of my arm.” And he showed them the sling supporting his left arm.
Billy pulled Josh’s Reflyder out of his pocket and handed it back to him. “Here. I got this back from Austin for you,” he said.
“Thanks, Billy,” said Josh. He let the Reflyder go, and it landed on his hand. “Did you know that the town of Cormorant in Minnesota elected a dog called Duke as mayor for four consecutive terms?”
“Er, sure — look, Josh, Ed and I have somewhere we need to be. Elahoraella will help you get back into the common room —”
“Oh no, I won’t,” said Elahoraella sternly. “I’m coming with both of you so that I can tell a teacher exactly what’s going on if you’re caught.”
“Don’t leave me here alone,” said Josh, getting to his feet. “Baroness Thatcher has already been past three times to call me a drain on the state.”
Billy glanced down at his watch — it was now five minutes to midnight — and then glared at Josh and Elahoraella.
“Fine, come with us then. But just be quiet.”
They ran along corridors and down staircases, stopping every few moments to listen for the sound of approaching teachers. At every turn they expected to run into one of the ghosts or Kevin, but they were lucky. When they reached the entrance hall, it too was empty. They ran across it and entered through the small door they knew led to the security office.
What they found inside came as a surprise. Along one wall was a large desk with at least forty computer screens set up around it, each of them showing a camera feed from a different part of the castle. They watched Professor Crumbleceiling playing air guitar atop the teacher’s table in the Banquet Hall before noticing another screen where Professor Grape was looking suspicious as he carried equipment out of one of the school greenhouses. There was no sign of Austin or David anywhere.
“Maybe they’re too scared to come?” said Ed.
“Or they’re just late.”
“Oh my goodness,” said Elahoraella, pointing at one of the screens.
“What is it?” asked Billy. “Can you see them coming?”
“There are — slaves. Slaves are cleaning the school at night. I can see them on the cameras.”
They both looked at where she was pointing.
“I know what they are,” said Ed. “They’re elves.”
“I don’t think we’re supposed to know about this for another few years,” said Billy.
“Really, Billy, is it any better to be taught about slavery as though it’s a perfectly normal and acceptable thing when we’re fourteen compared to when we’re eleven?” said Elahoraella.
Billy thought about this for a moment — Elahoraella was right. There was something seriously messed up about introducing slavery to children by framing it as being okay so long as privileged people don’t have to clean up after themselves.
And then a voice made them all jump.
“In the 1960s, the CIA attempted to train a cat to become a spy, so they could eavesdrop on conversations between Soviet operatives, but the mission failed because the cat kept ignoring instructions when it was hungry.”
They had almost forgotten Josh was with them and for a moment thought Kevin had found them.
“Be quiet, Josh, or somebody will —”
“IS ANYBODY IN THERE?” This time it really was Kevin, and he was stood just outside the door.
Billy made straight for a second door which he knew led to the Banquet Hall, and waved for the others to follow. They made it just in time. As Billy closed the door behind Josh, he heard Kevin talking.
“Hiding are you?” he called out. “I know you’re in here somewhere. I heard you.”
“I think we’ll be safe —”
He fell silent as he turned around and found himself face to face with Professor Crumbleceiling, who had just stage dived onto Ed, Elahoraella, and Josh.
“I won’t say anything if you don’t,” said Crumbleceiling. Silently, they gave each other a nod.
Crumbleceiling bowed them all goodnight and left.
“Come on!” Billy said to the others. Scared about running into another teacher, they left the Banquet Hall, ran back across the entrance hall and up the stairs to a corridor on the second floor.
They were just catching their breath when Josh declared, “Chickens can get depressed.”
“Shut up —”
“Who was that?”
It was Professor McDouglass’ voice that spoke this time.
“Run!” whispered Billy, and the four of them sprinted down the corridor, not looking back to see if anyone was following — they turned the corner and ran down a corridor then another, Billy leading the group but not knowing where he was leading them to. They came to a stop outside Professor Millbrook’s classroom.
“I think we’re okay here,” Billy panted. “I don’t think anybody followed us.”
“Don’t the teachers ever sleep?”
“I — told — you,” Elahoraella gasped. “I told you this would happen.”
“We need to get back to the common room,” said Ed.
“Austin tricked you,” said Elahoraella. “You know that, don’t you? He just wanted to get you both kicked out.”
“That doesn’t matter now,” Billy snapped at her. He nodded at Ed and then said, “Let’s go.”
But no sooner had they started to run again when a ghostly figure flew past them, then stopped to block the way forward.
It was Karen, and she looked as though she’d just found her prey.
“Ooo, you’re not mangers, are you? You’re not even supervisors — I could get you all expelled if you don’t help me.”
“Go away, Karen.”
Karen laughed.
“I’ve got a little problem you can help me with first — I’ve got this t-shirt, see, and it says If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. But it doesn’t work. People still talk to me and tell me to get over myself.”
“How is that our problem?”
“Should call corporate, I should,” said Karen in a superior voice. “They’d explain how it’s your problem.”
“Just leave us alone,” snapped Ed, but he knew right away he had made a mistake.
“POLICE! POLICE!” Karen screamed at the top of her voice. “HELP, I’M BEING OPPRESSED! THEY’RE DENYING ME MY FREE SPEECH!”
Diving under Karen, they ran for it. They turned a corner and sprinted down a long corridor with just a single door at the end of it — but it wouldn’t open.
“What do we do now?” said Ed, panicking. “The door’s locked.”
“In ancient China, owning locks and keys was a status symbol afforded only to the wealthy. The ruling class often had padlocks shaped as animals,” said Josh.
“How is that helpful right now?”
Behind them, they could hear running as Kevin followed Karen’s shouts.
“We’re done for,” said Billy.
“Oh, move over and let me do it,” said Elahoraella, pushing Billy out of the way. She pulled out her enchanted celery, pointed it at the lock and whispered, “Open Sesame!”
The lock clicked and the door swung open — they rushed through it, closed it behind them, and then listened with their ears pressed up against the wood.
“Where are they, Karen?” they could hear Kevin asking. “Which way did they go?”
“Excuse me? I don’t work for you. You work for me.”
“Just tell me where they went.”
“Are you paying me to help you? I think you’ll find that it’s you who should be telling me where they went.”
“I think we’re safe,” whispered Billy. “Karen isn’t telling him anything — stop it, Josh!” Josh had been pulling at the sleeve of his dressing gown. “What?”
Billy turned around — and saw, quite clearly, that they weren’t safe at all.
They weren’t in a cupboard as he had thought. They were in a passageway. They were in the proscribed passageway on the second floor. And now they knew why it was proscribed.
They were staring straight into the eyes of a gigantic mallard duck. A duck with two heads that filled the whole passageway.
Two pairs of black eyes that blinked curiously at them; two giant bills that could crack them in half as easily as if they were twigs. They looked down; two enormous webbed feet which could crush them all with a single step. It was as if the Quacken had risen.
“I’m sure there’s a simple egg-splanation for this,” said Billy.
“Do any of you have any duck tape with you?” asked Ed. “We could tape its bills shut.”
“Why don’t we distract it with food? I saw something on a duckumentary about that once.”
“I don’t have any quackers with me.”
“What about some quackamole?”
“Will you stop quacking jokes and focus,” said Elahoraella.
“We could throw a fire-quacker to startle it?”
It was Josh’s turn. “Ducks don’t normally mate for life. Most ducks seek out a new mate each year, often choosing the strongest and healthiest mate for that breeding season.”
One of the duck’s heads moved forward and gently nudged Ed as though checking to see if he was ripe.
“I think we should stop with the wise quacks now.”
Billy’s hand searched for the doorknob as, “QUACKKKKKK!” The duck’s second head harmonised with its first. Billy found the knob and as he pushed the door open, they fell backward out of the passageway. Billy jumped to his feet and slammed the door shut before the duck could push one of its heads through.
They were grateful that nothing else happened on their way back to the common room. Kevin had obviously gone off to look for them somewhere else, while Karen must have gone to leave the caretaker a negative Google review.
Billy performed an out-of-breath version of the passdance and they clambered into the common room before collapsing silently into armchairs by the fire. It was some time before any of them spoke.
“That duck had a quackitude,” said Ed finally. “What’s it doing inside a school?”
Elahoraella had got her breath back, and she was in a bad mood. “Didn’t any of you use your eyes?” she snapped. “It was standing on something.”
“Standing on something?”
“Didn’t you see the trapdoor below its feet? It’s obviously guarding something.”
“Protecting something from a robber ducky, you mean?”
Elahoraella stood up, glaring at them.
“I hope you’re both very pleased with yourselves. You could have got us all killed.”
“We didn’t make you come with us.”
“Go duck yourself, Ed,” said Elahoraella. And with that, she went off to her dormitory.
Ed felt Elahoraella’s comment had been fowl-play, but as he climbed back into bed five minutes later, Billy was thinking about something else she had said. The duck was guarding something… and then he remembered what Billy had told him months earlier; the only place more secure than the Sino Pauper Edo Recondo Mammonas Bank was Frogsports.
It looked as though he had just found out where the tiny package Barry had taken from vault sixty-nine was now hiding.
“Hey, Billy,” whispered Ed from his own bed. “This place is seriously messed up, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” said Billy. “It is.”
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A Small Ask
While there is no cost to read the book as it's being made available online, these posts are being published without adverts and they don't generate any income on their own. If you enjoyed reading this chapter, please consider sending a tip through ko-fi.com/bensfletcher.
Writing comedy like this is my job (and this is no short parody, it really is over 100k words) and like 99% of creatives right now, even the smallest contributions can make a difference to help us survive and continue doing what we do.
2021.12.13 10:01 BeechlivnI have a reckless speeding case on Tuesday that I cannot attend
In September, I was driving my child back to her mother's and on the way there, it was a sudden downpour. My SUV subsequently hydroplaned and lost control and crashed along the shoulder wall (no collision with any other driver). The officer that arrived proceeded to tell me there was an accident along the same strip of road earlier in the day from a driver losing control of their car and they blocked off the area for a while. While speaking to me, there was another accident behind where the officer had parked due to the same sort of road conditions. Long story less long, the officer gave me a reckless speeding ticket for my accident. I also already had to pay $300 for highway cleanup. My situation not only is the ticket itself, but I have yet to be able to secure another vehicle to even be able to go to defend myself on the court date (December 14th in Newport news). I currently live in Richmond. I already continued the case once because the initial date was in November. I have no one else to really rely on. And my place of employment doesn't begin until January 10th, so I don't have any true (financial) solutions in how to avoid a bench warrant for having no means yet of making it there. Is there any way through this that won't screw me any further? Who do I call in this situation? Thanks for your help.
submitted byBeechlivntolegaladvice [link][comments]2021.12.11 08:49 Rufus0t0fireflyNice interview with Dean about Jane Hawk .
Dean Koontz Takes Readers On A ‘Techno-Thriller’ Ride In His New ‘Jane Hawk’ Series December 8, 2017 Sacramento,
Master of suspense Dean Koontz has done it again. Written a new series, that is, a techno-thriller from the darker corners of his imagination.
Meet his latest character, Jane Hawk, introduced in The Silent Corner in June and continuing now in The Whispering Room and in next year’s The Crooked Staircase (May).
Jane, 27, is a resourceful, street-savvy FBI agent who takes a leave of absence to investigate the apparent suicide of her husband. What she discovers is a conspiracy at the highest levels of government and the tech industry—an insidious scheme involving nano brain implants that rob people of their will, turning them into virtual slaves or maneuvering them to kill themselves in the most horrific ways.
The action is fast, emotions and tension run high, and there are casualties. Soon the resolute Jane is declared a rogue FBI agent, then becomes the nation’s most wanted fugitive. Readers are right there with her as she ingeniously survives a series of close encounters in her quest to unveil the truth one piece at a time.
At this stage in his 50-year career, Koontz, 72, is writing at his most expressive and compelling as he follows Jane on her calculated yet obsessive journey. As Koontz once told me, “I give my characters free will and see where things will go.” Clearly, there is no stopping Jane Hawk.
Koontz, a former high school English teacher, is the New York Times best-selling author of more than 100 novels (16 made into movies) with 450 million copies in print in 38 languages.
That’s superstar status, yet he chooses to live under the radar (he no longer tours, for instance) in Newport Beach with his wife of 50 years, high-school sweetheart Gerda Ann Cerra, their golden retriever, Anna, and “the enduring spirit” of their late golden, Trixie.
I asked Koontz about the new series via email. Visit him at www.deankoontz.com and follow him on Twitter: @deankoontz.
Q: Unlike the ghostly goings-on in, say, your eight-title “Odd Thomas” series, Jane Hawk must confront what you call “a scientific premise in the Michael Crichton tradition.” That premise doesn’t seem so far-fetched.
A: Biological nanotech is here now. There are many potential beneficial applications, such as brain implants to control neurological disorders like Parkinson’s.
But Elon Musk and others wax rapturously about the fast-approaching day when “neural laces” will overlay our brains to enhance our intelligence and allow us to interface with computers, as if our understanding of the brain is complete, when in fact it is akin to a kindergartner’s understanding of quantum mechanics.
Everything in the Jane Hawk series is exhaustively researched, and the world she moves through is in no way futuristic, but entirely—scarily—our own. Q: Jane Hawk is an unstoppable force. Where did she come from?
A: Everyone’s telling me she’s the best character I’ve ever created, which is a little embarrassing because I don’t know where she came from.
I’ve known a lot of strong women in my life, not least of all my wife. Maybe a third of Jane is pieced together from all of them, but the rest is mysterious to me. I was five chapters into the first book when Jane began to surprise me with her boldness, her attitude and her steely courage, combined with a tender heart. And book by book, she grows.
Q: Underlying the surface action, what is the new series about?
A: It’s about free will in all its permutations, and what life would be like if in fact we were creatures without free will. It’s about the eternal lure of power over others, those who want it and those who don’t, and about the role that dysfunctional families can play in producing those who seek power at any cost. However, Jane comes from a dysfunctional family and triumphs over it.
These books are also about friendship, the power of love and the ways we make new families when our blood families have disintegrated or failed us.
Q: There’s a very tense scene in The Whispering Room in which Jane eludes an attack by three rampaging chimpanzees. Most readers think of chimps as cute and cuddly.
A: Most people are thinking of pygmy chimps, little 30-pound guys. A few years ago, the news carried the story about a woman’s pet chimpanzee that attacked a neighbor, bit off her fingers, gouged out her eyes and tore off her face, all in less than a minute. That was a 120-pound chimp, which because of its musculature and lithe anatomy is twice as strong as a 200-pound man and maybe three times faster.
When the scene you refer to occurred to me, I wondered if in writing it I would be jumping the shark. But although the book has just been published, I have already received hundreds of responses from readers who find that scene among the most terrifying they’ve ever read. I was chilled just writing it!
Q: You bring a lot of observational description to the series, much of it rather poetic. As one review wrote, “In this era of stingy text-message prose, Koontz is practically Shakespeare.” It seems like you’ve turned another corner.
A: I’ve always been in love with our beautiful language. Yet when I spend a few lines describing a storm or anything else, I’ll do it only if those lines fulfill at least three functions in addition to establishing place and time, usually these three: (1) sets the mood of the scene; (2) sets the psychological state of the character, since every scene is from one character’s point of view; (3) echoes one or another of the book’s themes in subtle fashion. In that way, the pace isn’t compromised. Q: You said in an interview that “all writers have quirks, and I have more than most.” Which two would be the most dominant?
A: Allen, you have distressed me greatly with this question. I am in love with my quirks, every last fuzzy little one of them, and you ask me to pick just two? Well, no one said life would be easy.
One: Early in my career, I killed off a dog in a novel. I couldn’t sleep well for days thereafter, and the thought of having done that so disturbed me for a year or more that I have never again allowed a dog (or a cat!) to be killed in one of my stories, though a couple have died of old age and related diseases.
Two: I keep an up-to-date printout of (my working manuscript) on my desk, so that it’s not just on the computer, and I put it all on an HP Personal Media Drive as well, and I also back it up on a thumb drive. Although I have those four copies, I daily feel compelled to place another printout in the refrigerator. You know, in case of fire or nuclear war. I love what I do so much—the process of writing, not so much what comes after having written a piece. Though it’s a kind of play, it’s also hard work. I never want to lose a manuscript and have to start over.
Q: Two indicators of your massive fan base are your Facebook page, with more than 1.3 million followers, and your fan clubs. Why do readers love your stories so much?
A: Judging by reader mail, their enthusiasm has a lot to do with characters they love. I’ve always believed that characters are the heart of a good story. And many readers mention that they are swept away into the story, so that they visualize it almost like a movie, which I think harks back to your question about observational detail.
Someone in my publishing life once said to me, “I’ve known hundreds of writers who write to live, but you’re the only one I’ve known who lives to write.” This might be just a nice person being nice, but there is truth in the part of it about me living to write, and I think readers identify with that passion.
Q: How much of your electronic mail and snail mail does your staff bring to your attention? What is your policy about such?
A: I quickly learned that the volume of reader email could overwhelm, so I don’t deal with it. But we receive in excess of 10,000 snail-mail letters a year these days, and I read maybe 60 percent of them. If a teacher assigns to a class a book of mine to read and then requires each student to send me a letter, I figure that correspondence written under duress does not require me to read 30 letters. An assistant will tell me the most-asked question or two, and I’ll answer the entire class with a response to those items.
But I reply to about 4,000 reader letters each year, often with a short paragraph but sometimes, when the letters are especially insightful, at much greater length. I became a writer in part to affect other lives in a positive way, as my life was so profoundly affected by writers when I was young, and it’s never a chore to hear from them or to respond.
Q: There is much confusion over your “Moonlight Bay” trilogy. Is it finished or not? Where does Ride the Storm fit in? Please clarify.
A: My publisher at that time so disliked the second “Moonlight Bay” novel, Seize the Night (1998) that I stopped part way through Ride the Storm. I had been with Bantam for only two books and did not want to get into an argument that would require moving to another publishing house. I thought that if I wrote two or three other novels before finishing the “Moonlight Bay” trilogy, the publisher would receive the third book with more enthusiasm.
Numerous books—plus ups and downs in business relationships—ensued, new publishers came and went, and I never got back to Ride the Storm. It is my intention to finish the book for Bantam after I complete the 7th book in the Jane Hawk series.
Q: You once told me that growing up in poverty in a dysfunctional home, books gave you life lessons. Your mantra through all those years was, “I will get somewhere.” Obviously, you did. What was the main life lesson you learned in achieving that?
A: Put the injustices and pain and humiliations of the past behind you. Don’t dwell on them or you will be forever shackled by them. Look ahead, ignore naysayers, and move forward with determination even at those times when you lack full confidence. Your chances of success and happiness will depend on your inertia or your momentum. Make it momentum.
Q: Any parting words of advice?
A: If you can bring a dog into your home—not let it outside, as dogs are pack animals that need to be with you—and if you can see a dog for the marvelous, complex creature it is, make one part of your life. You will live longer, be happier and realize in spite of yourself that the world does not, after all, revolve around you—though the dog will shrewdly pretend that it does.
submitted byRufus0t0fireflytoDeanKoontz [link][comments]Master of suspense Dean Koontz has done it again. Written a new series, that is, a techno-thriller from the darker corners of his imagination.
Meet his latest character, Jane Hawk, introduced in The Silent Corner in June and continuing now in The Whispering Room and in next year’s The Crooked Staircase (May).
Jane, 27, is a resourceful, street-savvy FBI agent who takes a leave of absence to investigate the apparent suicide of her husband. What she discovers is a conspiracy at the highest levels of government and the tech industry—an insidious scheme involving nano brain implants that rob people of their will, turning them into virtual slaves or maneuvering them to kill themselves in the most horrific ways.
The action is fast, emotions and tension run high, and there are casualties. Soon the resolute Jane is declared a rogue FBI agent, then becomes the nation’s most wanted fugitive. Readers are right there with her as she ingeniously survives a series of close encounters in her quest to unveil the truth one piece at a time.
At this stage in his 50-year career, Koontz, 72, is writing at his most expressive and compelling as he follows Jane on her calculated yet obsessive journey. As Koontz once told me, “I give my characters free will and see where things will go.” Clearly, there is no stopping Jane Hawk.
Koontz, a former high school English teacher, is the New York Times best-selling author of more than 100 novels (16 made into movies) with 450 million copies in print in 38 languages.
That’s superstar status, yet he chooses to live under the radar (he no longer tours, for instance) in Newport Beach with his wife of 50 years, high-school sweetheart Gerda Ann Cerra, their golden retriever, Anna, and “the enduring spirit” of their late golden, Trixie.
I asked Koontz about the new series via email. Visit him at www.deankoontz.com and follow him on Twitter: @deankoontz.
Q: Unlike the ghostly goings-on in, say, your eight-title “Odd Thomas” series, Jane Hawk must confront what you call “a scientific premise in the Michael Crichton tradition.” That premise doesn’t seem so far-fetched.
A: Biological nanotech is here now. There are many potential beneficial applications, such as brain implants to control neurological disorders like Parkinson’s.
But Elon Musk and others wax rapturously about the fast-approaching day when “neural laces” will overlay our brains to enhance our intelligence and allow us to interface with computers, as if our understanding of the brain is complete, when in fact it is akin to a kindergartner’s understanding of quantum mechanics.
Everything in the Jane Hawk series is exhaustively researched, and the world she moves through is in no way futuristic, but entirely—scarily—our own. Q: Jane Hawk is an unstoppable force. Where did she come from?
A: Everyone’s telling me she’s the best character I’ve ever created, which is a little embarrassing because I don’t know where she came from.
I’ve known a lot of strong women in my life, not least of all my wife. Maybe a third of Jane is pieced together from all of them, but the rest is mysterious to me. I was five chapters into the first book when Jane began to surprise me with her boldness, her attitude and her steely courage, combined with a tender heart. And book by book, she grows.
Q: Underlying the surface action, what is the new series about?
A: It’s about free will in all its permutations, and what life would be like if in fact we were creatures without free will. It’s about the eternal lure of power over others, those who want it and those who don’t, and about the role that dysfunctional families can play in producing those who seek power at any cost. However, Jane comes from a dysfunctional family and triumphs over it.
These books are also about friendship, the power of love and the ways we make new families when our blood families have disintegrated or failed us.
Q: There’s a very tense scene in The Whispering Room in which Jane eludes an attack by three rampaging chimpanzees. Most readers think of chimps as cute and cuddly.
A: Most people are thinking of pygmy chimps, little 30-pound guys. A few years ago, the news carried the story about a woman’s pet chimpanzee that attacked a neighbor, bit off her fingers, gouged out her eyes and tore off her face, all in less than a minute. That was a 120-pound chimp, which because of its musculature and lithe anatomy is twice as strong as a 200-pound man and maybe three times faster.
When the scene you refer to occurred to me, I wondered if in writing it I would be jumping the shark. But although the book has just been published, I have already received hundreds of responses from readers who find that scene among the most terrifying they’ve ever read. I was chilled just writing it!
Q: You bring a lot of observational description to the series, much of it rather poetic. As one review wrote, “In this era of stingy text-message prose, Koontz is practically Shakespeare.” It seems like you’ve turned another corner.
A: I’ve always been in love with our beautiful language. Yet when I spend a few lines describing a storm or anything else, I’ll do it only if those lines fulfill at least three functions in addition to establishing place and time, usually these three: (1) sets the mood of the scene; (2) sets the psychological state of the character, since every scene is from one character’s point of view; (3) echoes one or another of the book’s themes in subtle fashion. In that way, the pace isn’t compromised. Q: You said in an interview that “all writers have quirks, and I have more than most.” Which two would be the most dominant?
A: Allen, you have distressed me greatly with this question. I am in love with my quirks, every last fuzzy little one of them, and you ask me to pick just two? Well, no one said life would be easy.
One: Early in my career, I killed off a dog in a novel. I couldn’t sleep well for days thereafter, and the thought of having done that so disturbed me for a year or more that I have never again allowed a dog (or a cat!) to be killed in one of my stories, though a couple have died of old age and related diseases.
Two: I keep an up-to-date printout of (my working manuscript) on my desk, so that it’s not just on the computer, and I put it all on an HP Personal Media Drive as well, and I also back it up on a thumb drive. Although I have those four copies, I daily feel compelled to place another printout in the refrigerator. You know, in case of fire or nuclear war. I love what I do so much—the process of writing, not so much what comes after having written a piece. Though it’s a kind of play, it’s also hard work. I never want to lose a manuscript and have to start over.
Q: Two indicators of your massive fan base are your Facebook page, with more than 1.3 million followers, and your fan clubs. Why do readers love your stories so much?
A: Judging by reader mail, their enthusiasm has a lot to do with characters they love. I’ve always believed that characters are the heart of a good story. And many readers mention that they are swept away into the story, so that they visualize it almost like a movie, which I think harks back to your question about observational detail.
Someone in my publishing life once said to me, “I’ve known hundreds of writers who write to live, but you’re the only one I’ve known who lives to write.” This might be just a nice person being nice, but there is truth in the part of it about me living to write, and I think readers identify with that passion.
Q: How much of your electronic mail and snail mail does your staff bring to your attention? What is your policy about such?
A: I quickly learned that the volume of reader email could overwhelm, so I don’t deal with it. But we receive in excess of 10,000 snail-mail letters a year these days, and I read maybe 60 percent of them. If a teacher assigns to a class a book of mine to read and then requires each student to send me a letter, I figure that correspondence written under duress does not require me to read 30 letters. An assistant will tell me the most-asked question or two, and I’ll answer the entire class with a response to those items.
But I reply to about 4,000 reader letters each year, often with a short paragraph but sometimes, when the letters are especially insightful, at much greater length. I became a writer in part to affect other lives in a positive way, as my life was so profoundly affected by writers when I was young, and it’s never a chore to hear from them or to respond.
Q: There is much confusion over your “Moonlight Bay” trilogy. Is it finished or not? Where does Ride the Storm fit in? Please clarify.
A: My publisher at that time so disliked the second “Moonlight Bay” novel, Seize the Night (1998) that I stopped part way through Ride the Storm. I had been with Bantam for only two books and did not want to get into an argument that would require moving to another publishing house. I thought that if I wrote two or three other novels before finishing the “Moonlight Bay” trilogy, the publisher would receive the third book with more enthusiasm.
Numerous books—plus ups and downs in business relationships—ensued, new publishers came and went, and I never got back to Ride the Storm. It is my intention to finish the book for Bantam after I complete the 7th book in the Jane Hawk series.
Q: You once told me that growing up in poverty in a dysfunctional home, books gave you life lessons. Your mantra through all those years was, “I will get somewhere.” Obviously, you did. What was the main life lesson you learned in achieving that?
A: Put the injustices and pain and humiliations of the past behind you. Don’t dwell on them or you will be forever shackled by them. Look ahead, ignore naysayers, and move forward with determination even at those times when you lack full confidence. Your chances of success and happiness will depend on your inertia or your momentum. Make it momentum.
Q: Any parting words of advice?
A: If you can bring a dog into your home—not let it outside, as dogs are pack animals that need to be with you—and if you can see a dog for the marvelous, complex creature it is, make one part of your life. You will live longer, be happier and realize in spite of yourself that the world does not, after all, revolve around you—though the dog will shrewdly pretend that it does.
2021.12.10 21:03 Silent_Technology540Legion of Monsters: The Last King - Chapter 7 - Flirting with Danger - A SSB Story
Disclaimer, this is a fanfic only, all credit belongs to u/BlueFishcake alone.
I hope to keep this train wreck of a story going cos I know I enjoy writing it, also I’m hoping that some bits of this story becomes official lore :) - I’d like to thank the legend known as u/HellowShel for editing this train wreck, Please support this kind person by reading, commenting and upvoting their story Cultural Exchange or as i like to call it **Shil'vati High**
Also, if anything is messed up or if there's an error please leave a comment, and I’ll fix it right away
First / Prev / Next
Cogs in the Machine
Date Point: Seven Months - Post Invasion
Location: London outside the former Consulate General of Italy
Arthur was giddy as he stood in front of the imposing building, he’d managed to establish contact with several cells across the country and within mainland europe, however many more of the pings contained nothing but dead air.
But still he was jovial as he started to correspond with some, gaining their trust over the course of a few weeks as members of said cells remembered his ‘Overlord’ persona or had a friend of a friend in another cell who heard his messages during the end of the initial stage of the invasion.
So at first he briefly informed them of his plans while leaving out the main details for opsec reasons. As time went on he got to know some of them, all the while they’re dodging and taking pot shots at passing patrols. He felt guilty at this, so after he confirmed a few more details and made a lofty promise or two, he’d managed to arrange a meeting with those groups who had presence in Britain. They also indicated they would in their words ‘ask around and see whos else is interested.’ at this prospect, and along with friends of Sir Phillip’s he was able to contact, the whole thing shaping up to be an eventful meeting.
But this presented him with another problem, he needed to get an Imperial ID Card and a Travel Permit. Taking in a deep breath in a vain attempt to dispel his apprehension, he crossed the road and made his way towards the building.
As he got closer he saw a large set of signs that were written in a blocky format, and by his count there were a total 18 different languages on them. English was included, but at the very top was what he now knew was [Trade Shil], as Carmila has been insistent on him learning the language of ‘Those overgrown rape-happy blowup dolls from outer space’ as she has become fond of referring to them recently.
‘Imperial Information & Assistance Centre - Britannia Division’
He almost laughed at it, even with his limited interactions with the aliens, he knew the phrase ‘lost in translation’ was going to become very apt in the coming days, so with his paperwork in hand, he entered the building.
First thing he noticed was the level of security, large groups of Shil’vati Militia women were screening the people and their belongings, so when he joined the queue it was already progressing at a steady pace, thinking to himself ‘Queuing is almost a national sport.’ Carmlia had made a point of ‘ordering!’ him to leave his guns and ‘other’ weapons in the car. While he felt naked without them she assured him he’d have to trust in the one thing that every sentient being since antiquity has hated and loathed. A thing known as:
The Bureaucratic Process
When he reached the front of the queue, a plastic tray was waiting for him, and a bored looking Militia woman greeted him, gesturing for him to place all his items in the tray. He complied; placing his wallet, keys, watch, smartphone & Omni-pad along with the rings he wore.
She asked him “Hello and good day sir, may I have your name and how may we assist you today?” She held up an Omni-pad and had a disarming smile plastered across her face. While Arthur normally detested the idea of a record of his visit existing he knew it was the price one paid for being a cog in the machine.
So deciding to play dumb and clueless he reponded with “My name is Artoria, W, Gwydion and I...Umm... I need to get one of those new ID’s they’ve been saying we need” as he paused for a moment she was tapping away at the pad “OH! And Permits. I need to see someone about some permits.”
She just continued smiling as she finished entering the information and then looked down at what he guessed she assumed to be a dumb yet cute human male in front of her. As his belongings slipped out of the other end of the scanner and were being inspected by hand, she said “It appears your items have cleared the first stage” she became a little bit hesitant “I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to submit to a search of your person by one of us.”
She gestured behind her at a waiting line of even more bored looking Shil’vati who were frisking a few of his country men and women. As he surveyed the scene she spoke again, snapping his attention back to her. “If you wish to request a male, I’m afraid it’ll take some time until one becomes available.”
He looked off to the side where a large number of booths had been set up. He could see the shadowy outlines of the occupants going through the motions, but it appeared to be a laborious process as the size of the line was nearly triple the size of the line he was in.
He debated internally with himself. During her dives of the internet forums, Carmila had come across gigabytes of posts detailing the alien women’s habits and proclivities, which she had read to him at length. Even now he could hear her growling at the back of his mind, poking him through his implants, but by this point he’d become immune to the pain.
He decided he didn’t want to wait. Carmila rushed forward in his mind, “shouting” “WHAT! ARE! YOU! THINKING?!’ He ignored the pain and looked at the Shil in front of him. With his best flirtatious smile he said to her.
“Sure, I don’t mind if a big strong lovely woman such as yourself searches me” he could see her blush, whereas the rest of them had perked up and he decided he may as well go in for the kill. He leant in and whispered conspiratorially,“But I must warn you, my personal weapon, if brandished in public or private, is quite large and intimidating,” with a wink. She took in a small gasp. At this point the rest of the unoccupied pack turned in his direction, looking at him as if they were starving lions and he, their latest prey.
She looked towards them, looked back at Arthur, and stood there for a moment, then waved him forward. He made his approach to the waiting pack, who were having a whispered argument in the alien language that to Arthurs ears sounded like a singsong mix of German and Russian.
“No fair, you did the last one” one of the smaller ones said.
“Doesn’t count, he had a face like someone landed a shuttle on it. This one’s actually cute.” She then said something he couldn’t catch before they made some motions with their hands. The rest of them hung their heads in disappointment and cast longing looks at him.
The second one sauntered over to him with a spring in her step, all the while making it a point to swing her hips as if she was performing some kind of mating display. When she stopped in front of him she motioned to a booth off to their left and he made his way inside. Once he was around the corner she closed the curtain behind her and stood before him.
It was then he noticed the look in her eye, Carmila was whispering to him in a mocking hillbilly’ish tone ‘this was when he realised, he done fucked up’, Arthur to his credit kept his poker face and only asked “So what does this involve, do I put my arms up while you pat me down or wave a scanner over me, or do I have to get naked?”
He raised an eyebrow because even behind her visor he could see her blushing like a schoolgirl, but she coughed and said “ummm… no you don’t have to get naked now, we should save that for later, but…. Umm can you please turn around and put your arms up and extend them please.'
He did as he was instructed and she began to pat him down, she quickly when over his lower half and when she made her way to his upper body she was making a point of his focusing on his arms and lingering on his chest area as that day he had left the top four buttons of his dress shirt undone.
She began to reach for his open chest transfixed, but before she could he held her hand, her attention snapped back and she looked him in the eyes. While she looked mortified, Arthur just had a shit eating grin on his face. All he said was “watch the hands, babe… you’ll crease the suit” and when she looked at their intertwined hands, and with the other he motioned for her to remove her helmet and lean down closer. As she did he whispered into her ear.
“Time and a place, my dear, time and a place” he then gave her a little peck on the cheek, as she stood back up in shock he simply asked “are we done?” In a daze she just nodded. Leaving the booth, he went back out, picked up his items and proceeded to his destination, all the while the others now badgering their comrade.
Meanwhile, Carmila was stewing in her own rage.
--
Slow Burning Rage
It was some time later during the process he ran into a major roadblock, and that was the Shil’vati version of the dreaded Karen.
“I don’t believe you,” she said in a haughty tone. It made Arthur want to pull her teeth out one at the time.
“Look,” he pointed to all the documentation that was spread out over her desk. “I’ve answered all of your questions, provided supporting documentation, proven all my funds are from a legitimate inheritance and that I have majority of a number of corporations, I’ve also submitted the blueprints for the nightclub and applied for the permits, and I’ve proven my lineage and yet still you refuse to believe me because…. I'm not married or seeking to be put in the new basic income you’re replacing the current benefits system with?” he then took a deep breath to calm himself.
And as he was centred again he continued “and you're blocking my ID application along with my Travel and Planning Permits for what? Because you don’t believe me and because I'm also refusing to give a DNA sample?'
She just nodded. “Yes it’s currently the policy from the Governesses office that all residents of this Island must submit a DNA sample, no if’s, or but’s Boy’o.”
He seethed at the attitude of this Xeno. Carmila was no help either, as even she had grown pissed off at this so-called woman.
They argued back and forth for a while, as she became more and more dismissive of his counterpoints until finally he asked “So there is no way I can clear this up?”
She let out a loud huff and said in a sarcastic tone, “sure. If you can bring in a member of either the nobility or the military willing to vouch for you, I’ll grant all your applications and permits… But I doubt that you have such connections.'
Arthur wracked his brains trying to think of who he knew within the new power structure, but he doubted the word of a few clarks would hold any sway over this bitch. He didn’t have the time nor the patience for this, so he made another calculated move; pulling his wallet out he withdrew a few large gold coins and held them up for her to see.
She couldn’t take her eyes off them. “I know a few Shil’vati, so here's how this is going to go. I’ll give you their names and the departments they work in, you’ll go off and make some calls while I wait here… kay” she nodded and reached a hand forward, but he held them just out of reach “Oh no... no you’ll only get one” he slid one of the coins towards her “and you’ll get the rest once you’ve made those calls.”
“What are their names and where do they work?” she asked in a very arrogant voice.
He responded in a deadpan tone “There’s Imizael who’s with the Imperial Economic Control Commission. Shal’endra works for the Governess’s office, Miralana’s with Customs and Excise and then there's Gly’nrie who works for the office of Cooperation and Integration”
Her face showed a hint of annoyance, but she took information and the coin, then disappeared off somewhere. Arthur just waited, and waited. It was more than a few hours as other people came and went. He was about to light up a cigarette, until someone coughed behind him.
It was the Karen alien, this time looking more sheepish than before. She walked up to Arthur, bowed deeply, and said in a subservient tone “I’m deeping sorry for keeping you waiting, sir”
Arthur felt surprised at her change, but rather than question it he simply said “it’s ok, would I be right in guessing that they...?” he pointed at the small bundle she was gripping in her hands.
“Ah, yes.” She slid back behind her desk and unfolded a small leather folio that held four cards. She explained the first one was a standard ID Card, the second was an all access travel permit that would allow travel to other provinces on the planet, the third was a special permit that would allow him to sail through any approval process and the fourth was a special weapons permit.
And while her haughty tone was gone, she made it abundantly clear that the last three were only granted to him because of his connection to his ‘patrons.’ As she finished he scooped up the folio and rose to his feet, dumped the rest of the coins on her desk and was about to walk away until she spoke again.
“Also the ladyships wished for me to extend an invitation, for you to dine with them.'
Arthur considered. He wanted to gather more data on the empire at large, maybe sample the alien offerings along the way, but he said in shaky but understandable trade Shil “Please convey my, Sorry to ladies, but I am out of city for the next week, but I available after, will you pass along with my contact info if you’d please?”
He saw her look of apprehension change to one of worry as he marched away, but he made a point of dropping the coins on her desk as he left.
--
Blood in the Water
The ladyships in question were engaged in a conversation about recent events
Gly’nrie. “Do you think he’ll accept our invitation?”
Shal’endra. “I’m sure he will, he’s a male, isn’t he?”
Miralana. “Yes I’m sure, we’ve all see that the humans are willing to bow and scrape to their betters, if it means advancement”
Shal’endra. “But don’t you all remember about how he acted last time, his confidence was so feminine, and he acted like he didn’t have a care in the world”
Gly’nrie. “Yes the way he shot down whats her name, was so hot… also Imizael, you heard anything back from that peon yet?”
There was a few minutes until a response came -
Imizael. “That little bitch just sent a reply,”
This was followed up by a flurry of messages asking what it was
Imizael. “The short of it is that she is sorry to report that he’s sorry, but he’ll be outside of the city for a week, but he’s willing to make it up to us afterwards.'
They then made a few threats about how the incompetent woman should be punished, that was until -
Imizael. “But she says she managed to convince him to give his contact info to her so she can pass it along to us.'
The group shifted from threats to thinking up what kind of rewards they could give the lowly peon.
It was then Miralana jumped in with “So should we message him now or wait 'til he gets back?” they debated back and forth for a few more messages until Imizael took charge once more.
“I think we should wait, remember what we all agreed with at the last club meeting. We all like him and want him, so rather than act like the plebs who’re chasing after the lowly men, we want this one to come to us. So let's wait, prepare for our date, then we’ll spring the trap… agreed?'
They all agreed to the plan.
--
Road Trip
It was almost midday the next day as Arthur was checking out his modified Chevrolet Chevelle. The kevlar lining underbody the body panels was rated for rifle calibers, but he wasn’t holding out hope. So he had made it a point to go back to his lair and retrieve a few items, namely the sawn-off double barreled shotgun, and the special rounds he had looted from the royal vaults.
He looked over the contents in the truck and as he listed them off Carmila was checking them off her mental list.
Extra clothes - check.
Weapons and Ammo - check
Box of Opendime’s that are loaded with various amounts - check
Box of Frankenstein Gadgetry and the accompanying blueprints - check
Cases of AR’s for his new friends to replace their shitty guns - Check
They went down the list and eventually reached the skull-faced ballistic mask. Arthur held it in his hands staring into its mirrored eyes, but his thoughts were interrupted by Carmila “Something wrong?”
He paused and asked, “Do you remember what you said about no more shackles?”
She pondered for a moment even though she knew he remembered. “Yes I do… Why do you ask?”
He sighed, tossed the mask in the trunk with the rest of the gear and got in the driver's seat, started the car and drove off into the sunset.
It was a while later as he wound in and out of the now newly returned levels of London traffic. “Ever since we had our heart to heart, I thought about why I did do it”
Carmila was intrigued and when she enquired before he had just shut down like before, but now he was opening up himself.
“I think it may be because I was able to take direct action, be the master of my own fate for once. I know now that shooting those three was counterproductive, but it was their looks, mannerisms hell! Even the way they talked... It made me feel rage, anger and it reminded me of all of the lost, but amongst those emotions I felt……. human for the first time.' He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.
Carmila was torn at this confession. She knew he wanted to grow as an individual, experience life and its freedoms, but she knew now he wasn’t built to operate outside of a regulated environment. It was evident with his flagrant provocations with those Shil’vati today. She’d need to make contingencies against his future bad ideas; maybe she’ll increase the subliminal message he’s exposed to the next time he’s in the cradle, but she keeps these thoughts to herself for the time being.
Her only response was, “just remember this Sire;” he raised an eyebrow at this she hasn’t called him that since the old days. “No matter your actions I’ll be at your side, even if the world, humanity or all of creation turns their backs on you, I'm with you till the very end.'
They made it through the checkpoint at the edge of the zone without any trouble. When the marine on station scanned his permit, her eyes widened and there was a hushed conversation, but he didn’t catch it. They just waved him through, and as he drove through the outskirts of what was now known as ‘old London’ he was amazed and saddened at the sights.
Amazed by the hordes of people, who were shouting, catcalling, selling and buying different goods and services. He rolled down the window a little and his nose was assaulted by the smell of mouth watering street food; all against a backdrop of a kaleidoscope of different colours of the allotments where a whole variety of food was being grown, processed and in some cases eaten.
It was a stark contrast when he reached the demarcation line of the city limits. He saw groups of men, women and children huddled around makeshift fires and outdoor heaters, as they tried to fight off the normal bitterly cold english weather and took what shelter was available. Continuing on, he saw something that nearly made him stop and was about ready to start stacking bodies.
It was a collection of portaloos, with a large sign indicating they’re free use, but instead he saw a group of men gathered around them and they appeared to be charging a fee for their use; in one case, they handed the user a small brown package, and a needle, who then went in and emerged sometime later, an almost zombie-like expression on their face. Arthur was reminded by Carmila that they had a schedule to keep and it wasn’t their fight, not at this moment anyway.
But in some areas he could see both human and Shil’vati teams tending to the sick and desperate. He wanted to be angry at the lack of pride his people had, but that feeling died quickly in the back of his mind as he knew he’d have to pick and choose his battles, because if he went of half-cocked again he’ll most likely end up in a cell or worse he’d be strapped down to a vivisection table by the Shil’vati, So to distract himself, he drove at breakneck speeds towards the M4 Motorway that carried him in the direction of his potential allies in Wales.
--
Say you'll be there
The journey out of London was very uneventful, as the motorway was elevated for the most part with only a few parts returning to ground level at times it was less that a few hours later they were nearing Bristol, Arthur deciding to turn on the radio, he cycled through the national stations, until he heard Carmila shout “GO BACK!' This nearly made him carreen into the dividing barrier; luckily he was the only vehicle on the road at the time, he managed to come to a stop, so he dialed back to the indicated station and what came blaring through was.
Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah
He was perplexed at this so he asked “You really like them? The Spice Girls?” Carmila for her part only said “They’re a national treasure.” This had a little indignant tone, but Arthur couldn’t fault her for her little indulgences as he knew she had every right to fault him for everyone of his.
As they continued to drive they made it a point to go around the city as Arthur didn’t want to run the risk of getting stopped as he had enough illicit items that would see him shot on sight. A little while later he neared the Prince of Wales Bridge; he knew this was going to be the dodgiest part of the whole operation. As the line of vehicles cleared the check point he could feel himself breaking out in a cold sweat.
It was now his turn; he had his documents ready. Rolling down his window he was greeted with a sight of a marine in the standard armour, but what was different about her was she wore a large overcoat as well, holding her Omni-pad she bent down and asked through her translator “Identification please.” He handed her the folio, she scanned it then asked, “and what's the purpose of your visit?'
Arthur simply stated “I’m attending a Rave' the Shil’vati tilted her head in confusion “what's a rave?” The question came across as very bland and almost robotic, but he could see genuine interest in her eyes “It’s a large dance event, it’s normally considered illegal, but it's extremely fun,” he put on his best disarming jovial smile for her.
She continued to scan his travel permit and stopped when her pad rang out with a loud “DING.” She looked down wide eyed and then looked back at him, handing him back his ID’s. Arthur was about to roll the car forward, but the Shil conuntied to look him in the eyes.
“Just be careful ok, we’ve had reports of bandits roaming the areas between” she tried to pronounce the names of some of the cities in Wales, but they came out more mangled than normal, so she settled on, “Between the urban centres, and if you see anyone on the side of the road, don’t stop OK!'
He nodded, she waved him through and he took off again. Driving over the scenic view of the river below him, crossing to the other side he was now on his way. He made good time waving in and out of traffic and avoiding the two major cities of Newport and Cardiff, but it was when he passed the former capital city of Wales was when he realized he was in the true wild lands now.
It was sometime later when they passed Pontyclun all Arthur could see was the rolling green hills, never ending hordes of sheep and the burnt husks of vehicles, but off in the distance Arthur saw something that was very much out of place. As he got closer it was what appeared to be a woman, holding a bundle of some kind. Getting near he guessed it must be a baby judging from the way she’s holding it, he was about to pull over.
Except Carmila shouted “DRIVE! DON’T STOP!!” so he put the pedal to the metal, speeding past her. When he roared past, the woman dumped the bundle and whipped out a hand cannon, she fired and the shot blew out the back window of Arthurs car. Some time later he pulled up to one of the many off ramps, it was then a pickup came flying up, with a gaggle of men in the back who were shooting off rounds into the air, like a bunch of over excited children. What made the situation even more shit was the large military truck emerging from the opposite lane just up ahead.
Bullets impacted the sides and rear of Arthur’s vehicle; he was grateful he paid to have the kevlar lining installed as these guys where using a mix of pistols and old one shot rifles, but it was when an explosion ripped up the asphalt of the road, Arthur looked to the side and he saw a man leveling a crossbow that had a cup attached to it’s string, and into it he placed a grenade. Not wanting to be blown apart, Arthur leveled one of his 45’s and unloaded at the target.
While they were moving targets and many of the shots went wide, a few of the rounds managed to wing men in the bed of the military truck, staggering them. While one managed to catch himself the rest of the targets topped over the sides from the force of the impacts and the crossbower dropped his weapon. A moment later the rusty truck burst in a fireball as the grenade went off and the rest were reduced to nothing more than pink stains on the roadway.
But the little pickup had used this time to come up alongside the Arthurs vehicle, and one of the three men in its bed leveled some kind of long tube at the car, there was a flash of light and a harpoon was launched into the car. It entered through the side windows and was sticking out of the backseat.
Arthur was getting more and more pissed; Carmila was giving him directions and ETA’s. He dropped his now empty 45 and picked up the sawn off. He closed the breach and leveled the weapon at the pickup; its occupants were yelling, making obscene gestures all the while they’re still shooting small caliber rounds into the side of the car. He leveled the shotgun, pulled the trigger and a 30 foot torrent of flames were belched forth as the dragon's breath rounds flash-cooked the occupants of the pickup.
This made the pickup veer off to the left and careen into a tree. As Arthur sped away he noticed that smoke was rising from the crash site, a small brush fire was now starting to engulf the side of the road and as the thick black climbed into the sky he carried on driving.
A while later he reached the edge of the city of Swansea. It was a stark contrast to London; the people were crowding the street with vendors hawking their wares and bright neon signs lit up the night’s sky. The local Shil’vati seem to be enjoying themselves; patrolling, harassing and in some cases being led off into dark alleyways. As he was pulling into the docklands he went over his preparations. He’s marked the spot where he’d stashed the AR’s and ammunition out by the old golf club, he’s prepared the examples of gadgetry, and the Opendime’s.
But as he parked well away from the meeting location he was still worried about the million ways this could blow up in his face. Opening the trunk he retrieved a duffle bag and stuffed it full of party favours, a pair of extra mags, and his mask, he then made his way towards the warehouse.
The sound of rhythmic bass was so intense and deep one could feel it in their bones, along with the entire rainbow of lights shining through the broken windows and a chorus of music. Arthur approached the warehouse, hesitant at this course of action, but he was assured by the local cell commander that these were friends, so rather than going in the front he made his way around the side, slipping his mask on. A sole figure, lit by the cherry glow of a cigarette, waited to greet him. The man turned and said.
“Who’s amongst us, is the bravest of them all?” this was the passphrase that they had agreed. Arthur took in a deep breath and uttered the countersign, “All of us and none of us; for the age of heroes and gods has passed us by, and we must now create our own legends,” the man became more visibly relaxed, dropping his smoke he held out a hand in greeting.
“dda i gwrdd â chi mate, the rest of the crew won’t be here for a another hour so you’ll have time to set up,” he then explained that the attendees won’t be coming in the same way, but will be coming in the front with the rest of the punters and then shepherded off to the side and will come up to the meeting room once everyones assembled. He then opened the door that led to a poorly lit back hallway that was devoid of any life.
As Arthur stepped in the man laid a hand on his shoulder, “There shouldn't be anyone one back there but even if there is, the staff knows to not ask any questions, unless they want to suffer an accident.” He said this with a fey smile. This rankled Arthur. He knew he’d have to deal with some unsavory people, but he chose not to press the man. So he simply nodded his thanks and made his way inside, bobbing his head to the house music. As he entered the room, most of the items he had requested were there and he began the setup for his sales pitch.
submitted bySilent_Technology540toSexyspacebabes [link][comments]I hope to keep this train wreck of a story going cos I know I enjoy writing it, also I’m hoping that some bits of this story becomes official lore :) - I’d like to thank the legend known as u/HellowShel for editing this train wreck, Please support this kind person by reading, commenting and upvoting their story Cultural Exchange or as i like to call it **Shil'vati High**
Also, if anything is messed up or if there's an error please leave a comment, and I’ll fix it right away
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Cogs in the Machine
Date Point: Seven Months - Post Invasion
Location: London outside the former Consulate General of Italy
Arthur was giddy as he stood in front of the imposing building, he’d managed to establish contact with several cells across the country and within mainland europe, however many more of the pings contained nothing but dead air.
But still he was jovial as he started to correspond with some, gaining their trust over the course of a few weeks as members of said cells remembered his ‘Overlord’ persona or had a friend of a friend in another cell who heard his messages during the end of the initial stage of the invasion.
So at first he briefly informed them of his plans while leaving out the main details for opsec reasons. As time went on he got to know some of them, all the while they’re dodging and taking pot shots at passing patrols. He felt guilty at this, so after he confirmed a few more details and made a lofty promise or two, he’d managed to arrange a meeting with those groups who had presence in Britain. They also indicated they would in their words ‘ask around and see whos else is interested.’ at this prospect, and along with friends of Sir Phillip’s he was able to contact, the whole thing shaping up to be an eventful meeting.
But this presented him with another problem, he needed to get an Imperial ID Card and a Travel Permit. Taking in a deep breath in a vain attempt to dispel his apprehension, he crossed the road and made his way towards the building.
As he got closer he saw a large set of signs that were written in a blocky format, and by his count there were a total 18 different languages on them. English was included, but at the very top was what he now knew was [Trade Shil], as Carmila has been insistent on him learning the language of ‘Those overgrown rape-happy blowup dolls from outer space’ as she has become fond of referring to them recently.
‘Imperial Information & Assistance Centre - Britannia Division’
He almost laughed at it, even with his limited interactions with the aliens, he knew the phrase ‘lost in translation’ was going to become very apt in the coming days, so with his paperwork in hand, he entered the building.
First thing he noticed was the level of security, large groups of Shil’vati Militia women were screening the people and their belongings, so when he joined the queue it was already progressing at a steady pace, thinking to himself ‘Queuing is almost a national sport.’ Carmlia had made a point of ‘ordering!’ him to leave his guns and ‘other’ weapons in the car. While he felt naked without them she assured him he’d have to trust in the one thing that every sentient being since antiquity has hated and loathed. A thing known as:
The Bureaucratic Process
When he reached the front of the queue, a plastic tray was waiting for him, and a bored looking Militia woman greeted him, gesturing for him to place all his items in the tray. He complied; placing his wallet, keys, watch, smartphone & Omni-pad along with the rings he wore.
She asked him “Hello and good day sir, may I have your name and how may we assist you today?” She held up an Omni-pad and had a disarming smile plastered across her face. While Arthur normally detested the idea of a record of his visit existing he knew it was the price one paid for being a cog in the machine.
So deciding to play dumb and clueless he reponded with “My name is Artoria, W, Gwydion and I...Umm... I need to get one of those new ID’s they’ve been saying we need” as he paused for a moment she was tapping away at the pad “OH! And Permits. I need to see someone about some permits.”
She just continued smiling as she finished entering the information and then looked down at what he guessed she assumed to be a dumb yet cute human male in front of her. As his belongings slipped out of the other end of the scanner and were being inspected by hand, she said “It appears your items have cleared the first stage” she became a little bit hesitant “I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to submit to a search of your person by one of us.”
She gestured behind her at a waiting line of even more bored looking Shil’vati who were frisking a few of his country men and women. As he surveyed the scene she spoke again, snapping his attention back to her. “If you wish to request a male, I’m afraid it’ll take some time until one becomes available.”
He looked off to the side where a large number of booths had been set up. He could see the shadowy outlines of the occupants going through the motions, but it appeared to be a laborious process as the size of the line was nearly triple the size of the line he was in.
He debated internally with himself. During her dives of the internet forums, Carmila had come across gigabytes of posts detailing the alien women’s habits and proclivities, which she had read to him at length. Even now he could hear her growling at the back of his mind, poking him through his implants, but by this point he’d become immune to the pain.
He decided he didn’t want to wait. Carmila rushed forward in his mind, “shouting” “WHAT! ARE! YOU! THINKING?!’ He ignored the pain and looked at the Shil in front of him. With his best flirtatious smile he said to her.
“Sure, I don’t mind if a big strong lovely woman such as yourself searches me” he could see her blush, whereas the rest of them had perked up and he decided he may as well go in for the kill. He leant in and whispered conspiratorially,“But I must warn you, my personal weapon, if brandished in public or private, is quite large and intimidating,” with a wink. She took in a small gasp. At this point the rest of the unoccupied pack turned in his direction, looking at him as if they were starving lions and he, their latest prey.
She looked towards them, looked back at Arthur, and stood there for a moment, then waved him forward. He made his approach to the waiting pack, who were having a whispered argument in the alien language that to Arthurs ears sounded like a singsong mix of German and Russian.
“No fair, you did the last one” one of the smaller ones said.
“Doesn’t count, he had a face like someone landed a shuttle on it. This one’s actually cute.” She then said something he couldn’t catch before they made some motions with their hands. The rest of them hung their heads in disappointment and cast longing looks at him.
The second one sauntered over to him with a spring in her step, all the while making it a point to swing her hips as if she was performing some kind of mating display. When she stopped in front of him she motioned to a booth off to their left and he made his way inside. Once he was around the corner she closed the curtain behind her and stood before him.
It was then he noticed the look in her eye, Carmila was whispering to him in a mocking hillbilly’ish tone ‘this was when he realised, he done fucked up’, Arthur to his credit kept his poker face and only asked “So what does this involve, do I put my arms up while you pat me down or wave a scanner over me, or do I have to get naked?”
He raised an eyebrow because even behind her visor he could see her blushing like a schoolgirl, but she coughed and said “ummm… no you don’t have to get naked now, we should save that for later, but…. Umm can you please turn around and put your arms up and extend them please.'
He did as he was instructed and she began to pat him down, she quickly when over his lower half and when she made her way to his upper body she was making a point of his focusing on his arms and lingering on his chest area as that day he had left the top four buttons of his dress shirt undone.
She began to reach for his open chest transfixed, but before she could he held her hand, her attention snapped back and she looked him in the eyes. While she looked mortified, Arthur just had a shit eating grin on his face. All he said was “watch the hands, babe… you’ll crease the suit” and when she looked at their intertwined hands, and with the other he motioned for her to remove her helmet and lean down closer. As she did he whispered into her ear.
“Time and a place, my dear, time and a place” he then gave her a little peck on the cheek, as she stood back up in shock he simply asked “are we done?” In a daze she just nodded. Leaving the booth, he went back out, picked up his items and proceeded to his destination, all the while the others now badgering their comrade.
Meanwhile, Carmila was stewing in her own rage.
--
Slow Burning Rage
It was some time later during the process he ran into a major roadblock, and that was the Shil’vati version of the dreaded Karen.
“I don’t believe you,” she said in a haughty tone. It made Arthur want to pull her teeth out one at the time.
“Look,” he pointed to all the documentation that was spread out over her desk. “I’ve answered all of your questions, provided supporting documentation, proven all my funds are from a legitimate inheritance and that I have majority of a number of corporations, I’ve also submitted the blueprints for the nightclub and applied for the permits, and I’ve proven my lineage and yet still you refuse to believe me because…. I'm not married or seeking to be put in the new basic income you’re replacing the current benefits system with?” he then took a deep breath to calm himself.
And as he was centred again he continued “and you're blocking my ID application along with my Travel and Planning Permits for what? Because you don’t believe me and because I'm also refusing to give a DNA sample?'
She just nodded. “Yes it’s currently the policy from the Governesses office that all residents of this Island must submit a DNA sample, no if’s, or but’s Boy’o.”
He seethed at the attitude of this Xeno. Carmila was no help either, as even she had grown pissed off at this so-called woman.
They argued back and forth for a while, as she became more and more dismissive of his counterpoints until finally he asked “So there is no way I can clear this up?”
She let out a loud huff and said in a sarcastic tone, “sure. If you can bring in a member of either the nobility or the military willing to vouch for you, I’ll grant all your applications and permits… But I doubt that you have such connections.'
Arthur wracked his brains trying to think of who he knew within the new power structure, but he doubted the word of a few clarks would hold any sway over this bitch. He didn’t have the time nor the patience for this, so he made another calculated move; pulling his wallet out he withdrew a few large gold coins and held them up for her to see.
She couldn’t take her eyes off them. “I know a few Shil’vati, so here's how this is going to go. I’ll give you their names and the departments they work in, you’ll go off and make some calls while I wait here… kay” she nodded and reached a hand forward, but he held them just out of reach “Oh no... no you’ll only get one” he slid one of the coins towards her “and you’ll get the rest once you’ve made those calls.”
“What are their names and where do they work?” she asked in a very arrogant voice.
He responded in a deadpan tone “There’s Imizael who’s with the Imperial Economic Control Commission. Shal’endra works for the Governess’s office, Miralana’s with Customs and Excise and then there's Gly’nrie who works for the office of Cooperation and Integration”
Her face showed a hint of annoyance, but she took information and the coin, then disappeared off somewhere. Arthur just waited, and waited. It was more than a few hours as other people came and went. He was about to light up a cigarette, until someone coughed behind him.
It was the Karen alien, this time looking more sheepish than before. She walked up to Arthur, bowed deeply, and said in a subservient tone “I’m deeping sorry for keeping you waiting, sir”
Arthur felt surprised at her change, but rather than question it he simply said “it’s ok, would I be right in guessing that they...?” he pointed at the small bundle she was gripping in her hands.
“Ah, yes.” She slid back behind her desk and unfolded a small leather folio that held four cards. She explained the first one was a standard ID Card, the second was an all access travel permit that would allow travel to other provinces on the planet, the third was a special permit that would allow him to sail through any approval process and the fourth was a special weapons permit.
And while her haughty tone was gone, she made it abundantly clear that the last three were only granted to him because of his connection to his ‘patrons.’ As she finished he scooped up the folio and rose to his feet, dumped the rest of the coins on her desk and was about to walk away until she spoke again.
“Also the ladyships wished for me to extend an invitation, for you to dine with them.'
Arthur considered. He wanted to gather more data on the empire at large, maybe sample the alien offerings along the way, but he said in shaky but understandable trade Shil “Please convey my, Sorry to ladies, but I am out of city for the next week, but I available after, will you pass along with my contact info if you’d please?”
He saw her look of apprehension change to one of worry as he marched away, but he made a point of dropping the coins on her desk as he left.
--
Blood in the Water
The ladyships in question were engaged in a conversation about recent events
Gly’nrie. “Do you think he’ll accept our invitation?”
Shal’endra. “I’m sure he will, he’s a male, isn’t he?”
Miralana. “Yes I’m sure, we’ve all see that the humans are willing to bow and scrape to their betters, if it means advancement”
Shal’endra. “But don’t you all remember about how he acted last time, his confidence was so feminine, and he acted like he didn’t have a care in the world”
Gly’nrie. “Yes the way he shot down whats her name, was so hot… also Imizael, you heard anything back from that peon yet?”
There was a few minutes until a response came -
Imizael. “That little bitch just sent a reply,”
This was followed up by a flurry of messages asking what it was
Imizael. “The short of it is that she is sorry to report that he’s sorry, but he’ll be outside of the city for a week, but he’s willing to make it up to us afterwards.'
They then made a few threats about how the incompetent woman should be punished, that was until -
Imizael. “But she says she managed to convince him to give his contact info to her so she can pass it along to us.'
The group shifted from threats to thinking up what kind of rewards they could give the lowly peon.
It was then Miralana jumped in with “So should we message him now or wait 'til he gets back?” they debated back and forth for a few more messages until Imizael took charge once more.
“I think we should wait, remember what we all agreed with at the last club meeting. We all like him and want him, so rather than act like the plebs who’re chasing after the lowly men, we want this one to come to us. So let's wait, prepare for our date, then we’ll spring the trap… agreed?'
They all agreed to the plan.
--
Road Trip
It was almost midday the next day as Arthur was checking out his modified Chevrolet Chevelle. The kevlar lining underbody the body panels was rated for rifle calibers, but he wasn’t holding out hope. So he had made it a point to go back to his lair and retrieve a few items, namely the sawn-off double barreled shotgun, and the special rounds he had looted from the royal vaults.
He looked over the contents in the truck and as he listed them off Carmila was checking them off her mental list.
Extra clothes - check.
Weapons and Ammo - check
Box of Opendime’s that are loaded with various amounts - check
Box of Frankenstein Gadgetry and the accompanying blueprints - check
Cases of AR’s for his new friends to replace their shitty guns - Check
They went down the list and eventually reached the skull-faced ballistic mask. Arthur held it in his hands staring into its mirrored eyes, but his thoughts were interrupted by Carmila “Something wrong?”
He paused and asked, “Do you remember what you said about no more shackles?”
She pondered for a moment even though she knew he remembered. “Yes I do… Why do you ask?”
He sighed, tossed the mask in the trunk with the rest of the gear and got in the driver's seat, started the car and drove off into the sunset.
It was a while later as he wound in and out of the now newly returned levels of London traffic. “Ever since we had our heart to heart, I thought about why I did do it”
Carmila was intrigued and when she enquired before he had just shut down like before, but now he was opening up himself.
“I think it may be because I was able to take direct action, be the master of my own fate for once. I know now that shooting those three was counterproductive, but it was their looks, mannerisms hell! Even the way they talked... It made me feel rage, anger and it reminded me of all of the lost, but amongst those emotions I felt……. human for the first time.' He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.
Carmila was torn at this confession. She knew he wanted to grow as an individual, experience life and its freedoms, but she knew now he wasn’t built to operate outside of a regulated environment. It was evident with his flagrant provocations with those Shil’vati today. She’d need to make contingencies against his future bad ideas; maybe she’ll increase the subliminal message he’s exposed to the next time he’s in the cradle, but she keeps these thoughts to herself for the time being.
Her only response was, “just remember this Sire;” he raised an eyebrow at this she hasn’t called him that since the old days. “No matter your actions I’ll be at your side, even if the world, humanity or all of creation turns their backs on you, I'm with you till the very end.'
They made it through the checkpoint at the edge of the zone without any trouble. When the marine on station scanned his permit, her eyes widened and there was a hushed conversation, but he didn’t catch it. They just waved him through, and as he drove through the outskirts of what was now known as ‘old London’ he was amazed and saddened at the sights.
Amazed by the hordes of people, who were shouting, catcalling, selling and buying different goods and services. He rolled down the window a little and his nose was assaulted by the smell of mouth watering street food; all against a backdrop of a kaleidoscope of different colours of the allotments where a whole variety of food was being grown, processed and in some cases eaten.
It was a stark contrast when he reached the demarcation line of the city limits. He saw groups of men, women and children huddled around makeshift fires and outdoor heaters, as they tried to fight off the normal bitterly cold english weather and took what shelter was available. Continuing on, he saw something that nearly made him stop and was about ready to start stacking bodies.
It was a collection of portaloos, with a large sign indicating they’re free use, but instead he saw a group of men gathered around them and they appeared to be charging a fee for their use; in one case, they handed the user a small brown package, and a needle, who then went in and emerged sometime later, an almost zombie-like expression on their face. Arthur was reminded by Carmila that they had a schedule to keep and it wasn’t their fight, not at this moment anyway.
But in some areas he could see both human and Shil’vati teams tending to the sick and desperate. He wanted to be angry at the lack of pride his people had, but that feeling died quickly in the back of his mind as he knew he’d have to pick and choose his battles, because if he went of half-cocked again he’ll most likely end up in a cell or worse he’d be strapped down to a vivisection table by the Shil’vati, So to distract himself, he drove at breakneck speeds towards the M4 Motorway that carried him in the direction of his potential allies in Wales.
--
Say you'll be there
The journey out of London was very uneventful, as the motorway was elevated for the most part with only a few parts returning to ground level at times it was less that a few hours later they were nearing Bristol, Arthur deciding to turn on the radio, he cycled through the national stations, until he heard Carmila shout “GO BACK!' This nearly made him carreen into the dividing barrier; luckily he was the only vehicle on the road at the time, he managed to come to a stop, so he dialed back to the indicated station and what came blaring through was.
Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah
He was perplexed at this so he asked “You really like them? The Spice Girls?” Carmila for her part only said “They’re a national treasure.” This had a little indignant tone, but Arthur couldn’t fault her for her little indulgences as he knew she had every right to fault him for everyone of his.
As they continued to drive they made it a point to go around the city as Arthur didn’t want to run the risk of getting stopped as he had enough illicit items that would see him shot on sight. A little while later he neared the Prince of Wales Bridge; he knew this was going to be the dodgiest part of the whole operation. As the line of vehicles cleared the check point he could feel himself breaking out in a cold sweat.
It was now his turn; he had his documents ready. Rolling down his window he was greeted with a sight of a marine in the standard armour, but what was different about her was she wore a large overcoat as well, holding her Omni-pad she bent down and asked through her translator “Identification please.” He handed her the folio, she scanned it then asked, “and what's the purpose of your visit?'
Arthur simply stated “I’m attending a Rave' the Shil’vati tilted her head in confusion “what's a rave?” The question came across as very bland and almost robotic, but he could see genuine interest in her eyes “It’s a large dance event, it’s normally considered illegal, but it's extremely fun,” he put on his best disarming jovial smile for her.
She continued to scan his travel permit and stopped when her pad rang out with a loud “DING.” She looked down wide eyed and then looked back at him, handing him back his ID’s. Arthur was about to roll the car forward, but the Shil conuntied to look him in the eyes.
“Just be careful ok, we’ve had reports of bandits roaming the areas between” she tried to pronounce the names of some of the cities in Wales, but they came out more mangled than normal, so she settled on, “Between the urban centres, and if you see anyone on the side of the road, don’t stop OK!'
He nodded, she waved him through and he took off again. Driving over the scenic view of the river below him, crossing to the other side he was now on his way. He made good time waving in and out of traffic and avoiding the two major cities of Newport and Cardiff, but it was when he passed the former capital city of Wales was when he realized he was in the true wild lands now.
It was sometime later when they passed Pontyclun all Arthur could see was the rolling green hills, never ending hordes of sheep and the burnt husks of vehicles, but off in the distance Arthur saw something that was very much out of place. As he got closer it was what appeared to be a woman, holding a bundle of some kind. Getting near he guessed it must be a baby judging from the way she’s holding it, he was about to pull over.
Except Carmila shouted “DRIVE! DON’T STOP!!” so he put the pedal to the metal, speeding past her. When he roared past, the woman dumped the bundle and whipped out a hand cannon, she fired and the shot blew out the back window of Arthurs car. Some time later he pulled up to one of the many off ramps, it was then a pickup came flying up, with a gaggle of men in the back who were shooting off rounds into the air, like a bunch of over excited children. What made the situation even more shit was the large military truck emerging from the opposite lane just up ahead.
Bullets impacted the sides and rear of Arthur’s vehicle; he was grateful he paid to have the kevlar lining installed as these guys where using a mix of pistols and old one shot rifles, but it was when an explosion ripped up the asphalt of the road, Arthur looked to the side and he saw a man leveling a crossbow that had a cup attached to it’s string, and into it he placed a grenade. Not wanting to be blown apart, Arthur leveled one of his 45’s and unloaded at the target.
While they were moving targets and many of the shots went wide, a few of the rounds managed to wing men in the bed of the military truck, staggering them. While one managed to catch himself the rest of the targets topped over the sides from the force of the impacts and the crossbower dropped his weapon. A moment later the rusty truck burst in a fireball as the grenade went off and the rest were reduced to nothing more than pink stains on the roadway.
But the little pickup had used this time to come up alongside the Arthurs vehicle, and one of the three men in its bed leveled some kind of long tube at the car, there was a flash of light and a harpoon was launched into the car. It entered through the side windows and was sticking out of the backseat.
Arthur was getting more and more pissed; Carmila was giving him directions and ETA’s. He dropped his now empty 45 and picked up the sawn off. He closed the breach and leveled the weapon at the pickup; its occupants were yelling, making obscene gestures all the while they’re still shooting small caliber rounds into the side of the car. He leveled the shotgun, pulled the trigger and a 30 foot torrent of flames were belched forth as the dragon's breath rounds flash-cooked the occupants of the pickup.
This made the pickup veer off to the left and careen into a tree. As Arthur sped away he noticed that smoke was rising from the crash site, a small brush fire was now starting to engulf the side of the road and as the thick black climbed into the sky he carried on driving.
A while later he reached the edge of the city of Swansea. It was a stark contrast to London; the people were crowding the street with vendors hawking their wares and bright neon signs lit up the night’s sky. The local Shil’vati seem to be enjoying themselves; patrolling, harassing and in some cases being led off into dark alleyways. As he was pulling into the docklands he went over his preparations. He’s marked the spot where he’d stashed the AR’s and ammunition out by the old golf club, he’s prepared the examples of gadgetry, and the Opendime’s.
But as he parked well away from the meeting location he was still worried about the million ways this could blow up in his face. Opening the trunk he retrieved a duffle bag and stuffed it full of party favours, a pair of extra mags, and his mask, he then made his way towards the warehouse.
The sound of rhythmic bass was so intense and deep one could feel it in their bones, along with the entire rainbow of lights shining through the broken windows and a chorus of music. Arthur approached the warehouse, hesitant at this course of action, but he was assured by the local cell commander that these were friends, so rather than going in the front he made his way around the side, slipping his mask on. A sole figure, lit by the cherry glow of a cigarette, waited to greet him. The man turned and said.
“Who’s amongst us, is the bravest of them all?” this was the passphrase that they had agreed. Arthur took in a deep breath and uttered the countersign, “All of us and none of us; for the age of heroes and gods has passed us by, and we must now create our own legends,” the man became more visibly relaxed, dropping his smoke he held out a hand in greeting.
“dda i gwrdd â chi mate, the rest of the crew won’t be here for a another hour so you’ll have time to set up,” he then explained that the attendees won’t be coming in the same way, but will be coming in the front with the rest of the punters and then shepherded off to the side and will come up to the meeting room once everyones assembled. He then opened the door that led to a poorly lit back hallway that was devoid of any life.
As Arthur stepped in the man laid a hand on his shoulder, “There shouldn't be anyone one back there but even if there is, the staff knows to not ask any questions, unless they want to suffer an accident.” He said this with a fey smile. This rankled Arthur. He knew he’d have to deal with some unsavory people, but he chose not to press the man. So he simply nodded his thanks and made his way inside, bobbing his head to the house music. As he entered the room, most of the items he had requested were there and he began the setup for his sales pitch.
2021.12.07 17:41 The_Silver_AvengerCompleting the Matrix: March 2006 Production Notes for Doctor Who Magazine #368: Moving Stuff - Executive Producer Russell T Davies takes us behind the scenes...
This was written by Russell T Davies and it was from before New Earth was broadcast, and the issue previewed the first episodes of Series Two. The latest issue of Doctor Who Magazine, which previews the second half of Series 13, is on sale now.
Want an archive of the previous Production Notes that have been posted on /gallifrey?: Follow this link or this one.
Moving Stuff
The TARDIS is moving! All of, ooh, 20 miles. Not the greatest trip in intergalactic history, but a significant one. Because we've got a brand-new studio!The geography of Doctor Who at BBC Wales has always been a bit haphazard, a bit like someone threw us all out of a plane. Which is how it feels, sometimes. While Julie Gardner's office is in the main BBC building, the production office is across the road, in the old catering college. Cabbage, gravy and hairnets still linger. Meanwhile, the warehouse containing the interior of the TARDIS is miles away in Newport, with the Art Department perched above it, in the attic. But the lovely old Newport Q2 space isn't big enough any more. As our ambitions have expanded, our designer, Ed Thomas has had trouble fitting everything in - he curses my name whenever the words INT. TYLERS' FLAT appear in a script, cos that means he has to go and rent an extra space at HTV.
But for six months now, with the massive support of BBC Wales and BBC Drama, plans have been afoot. The new studio isn't just a rented shed, it's a dedicated space for both Doctor Who and Torchwood, with room for both production, post-production and the actual filming, all on one site. And they're calling this place... Camelot. (I kept on muttering 'The Fantasy Factory', imagining a big sign made out of light bulbs, just like Part Fourteen of The Trial of a Time Lord, but no one else got the reference, the heathens.) Julie Gardner's pioneered this, with the Torchwood producer, Richard Stokes, jumping on board, along with the inimitable Susie Liggat, all blazing with ideas, while the project itself has been handled by Ed and his right hand man, Stephen Nicholas.
Now, they kept on telling me this place was big. Yeah yeah, I'd sneer. I've worked in telly, I've seen big, I've been on Play School, me. Until I saw Camelot. My God, it's big! It's like a Hollywood lot! I can imagine driving through on one of those carts, waving at Billie as she walks past a half-dressed Slitheen who's having a sly fag, with a chorus line of dancing Ood in the background, as Phil strides through wearing jodhpurs and shouting through a megaphone (no change there then). All of this in the Welsh rain, admittedly.
Facts? You want facts? I am the fact man. With thanks to Stephen Nicholas, supplier of facts! Work started on February 6, with studios 1 and 2 completed on March 6, ready for March 20, when they start constructing the Torchwood Hub (yes, the Hub, the Hub is coming, you heard it here first). And as soon as Series Two finishes with the TARDIS interior, it'll be dismantled and then created anew in Camelot, right alongside the Hub. (But we're not redesigning it, we love that TARDIS! Maybe a new flange here and there, with a shiny gravitic anomalyser perhaps, but essentially the same.) Soon, Q2 will be history. A plain old warehouse again. Filled with white goods. Not a roundel left. But I like to think that local residents will stir in their sleep for years to come, haunted by the echoes of Lynda-with-a-Y's lonely death on Satellite Five. There is a corner of a Newport warehouse that is forever Who...
But back to the facts! In total, Camelot will have six studio spaces set up in two units, which is four times bigger than our current space. Around that, we've got 25 offices for the Art Department, for up to 75 staff, alongside 20 offices for Production, with room for 60 staff. More facts? Studio One is 6,545 square feet, Studio Two is 6,120 square feet, Studio Three is 9,165 square feet, Studio Four is 3,575 square feet, Studio Five is 5,330 square feet, and Studio Six is 7,957 square feet. That's big! That's five miles of black drapes to soundproof it all! 20 storage bays for scenery! 50 tonnes of scaffolding! Five edit suites, so episodes can be assembled right next to where they're being filmed! We're even having a six-metre-high infinity-curved green screen area. And a Scandinavian pine jacuzzi, for me. Only one of those facts is untrue.
What's more, that's work for 50 people, just to complete the conversion of the space. And that's the most brilliant thing - Menna Richards, the Controller of BBC Wales, has enabled Julie, Ed and their teams to create work for hundreds of people in South Wales. Literally, hundreds. Seriously, I think that's amazing, and I don't think it's recognised enough. On a personal note, I still find plenty of moaners complaining that the much-longed-for BBC Wales Drama Department isn't what they wanted, simply because it's making huge primetime dramas with worldwide sales, instead of small, intense shows called I Was Born In Wales And I'm Cross. Episode One: Daffodil. Well, sod your small-nation thinking. Camelot is here; we built it while you were whingeing.
So that's Doctor Who and Torchwood combined. I hope Doctor Who Confidential gets recommissioned for a third series, cos Gillane and her brilliant team would love it there, and deserve to be part of it. In fact, with all these studios, you'd swear we even had room for a third drama. Got any ideas..?
But while the facts might look numbing, this is an incredible commitment, and one we're not taking lightly. The whole thing makes massive logistical and financial sense; if, say, we were buying, say, a stick to be used on one show, then that stick might cost ten quid, but if we're buying two sticks for two shows, then the price might come down to 18 quid, so we've got a couple of quid spare in our pockets. A saving! And that system can ensure that both dramas get as much money on screen as possible. (Great drama too - Doctor Who and the Inexpensive Stick.) Just in case you're wondering, this doesn't mean that Doctor Who will suddenly become an indoors show - we'll probably have as much location work as ever. But this new studio must earn its keep, and should do us proud for a couple of years - and let's be careful, because let me make it clear: a fourth series of Doctor Who has absolutely not been commissioned yet. That's why you've got to make everyone watch, everyone! And if the commission comes, then we're ready. My God, we're ready! Dance, Ood, dance!!
Meanwhile, production is spinning and humming and sparking and scarring us with friction burns. We're like Battling Tops! The latest innovation is portable DVD players for Julie, Phil and me. 'It's marvellous,' says Phil, 'I can watch rushes while making my tea!' 'It's terrible,' I said, 'I can watch rushes while making my tea!' Or at least, cook and butler can. But blimey, that's my last few seconds of free time gone. I found myself yesterday watching rushes on the portable, with the TV on in the background; The Satan Pit and Deal Or No Deal simultaneously. Which was strangely blissful, and Noel fitted both.
But at the end of February, Julie and I found a whole new posh way to work. Install yourself in a big hotel, and make 'em come to you. We held court! We booked into Brighton's Grand Hotel for the BBC Showcase - selling Doctor Who and Torchwood to overseas buyers (I was very popular with the Japanese). But Julie decided to be modern and multitask the whole thing, so we installed ourselves at a table overlooking the seafront for four days, and lots of writers came to us for script sessions. Toby Whithouse actually lives in Brighton, he only had to walk down the road (albeit with a worried expression, like we were stalking him). And it was a two-ring circus - Richard Stokes conducted a whole separate cycle of Torchwood meetings alongside us, while Julie and I would run off to meet Holland, then run back to plot Series Three. With tea and scones! It was ridiculously genteel - but it worked! With no phonecalls or edits or emergencies to interrupt us, we blistered through the whole thing. Battling Tops!
And as with the Camelot plans, we're looking ahead as far as possible - we even had script meetings about Series Four. Let me repeat! Not yet commissioned! But we're moving on to scripts already, just in case. With a certain amount of contingency, it allows us to... ah. Scripts, writers, more on that in the next issue!
Of course, all of this is production film-flam, and the real work, the hard work, the brilliant work, is still being hammered out on set. The usual nightmare! Louise, our Costume Designer, has discovered that the latest episode demands 35 different sets of clothes for each of the lead characters. 35! Oh, she laughed! And then battered me to death with a coat hanger. But fair do's, as ever, she killed me beautifully.
There's a buzzing in the air, though. The new series. Here we go again. Jumping headlong into the white heat of Saturday nights, oh Lordy God. We're as proud of the show as ever, and determined to make each episode better than the last. But no matter how much you plan, how much you prepare, how much you anticipate, television is, in the end, a long string of accidents. Some happy, some not. So not one of us is relaxed; not one of us thinks the launch of a new series is easy, or that we can take anything connected with Doctor Who for granted.
Be warned, the spoilers will start again. And I'll happily repeat myself from last year - the thing to watch out for is not so much the Reviews, but the Previews. They take a genuine delight in spoiling! I guarantee, you'll wake up on a Saturday morning, feeling that essential Doctor Who Saturdayness, only to discover a little box next to the TV listings saying 'The Doctor and Rose visit New Earth and discover the evil plans of the Macra, and then they run around a lot, and look doomed, except the Christmas satsuma saves the day again, and the very last line is 'I'm not Jackie, I am the Master.' The whole episode blown! Just look straight ahead all day, and try not to move, that's my solution.
Equally, you are expected to do your bit. Yes, you. If you should happen to find yourself in a friend or neighbours' house, and if they should happen to nip out to the kitchen, then if you should happen to disable their TV with chewing gum so that only BBC One is working for the next four months, well, that's up to you. But I'd pay for your defence. I'm doing my bit, I answer every question with 'April 15!' How are you, Russell? April 15! Milk and sugar? April 15! What are you doing in my garden? April 15! Try it, it's a hoot. I've met some lovely people, some of them in here for life. But really, a Doctor Who fan is so fixed on transmission dates that we can forget; plenty of people don't notice trailers and posters and hype. 'Oh, is it on?' they say, three weeks into the run (followed by the sound of my forehead smacking the wall). So do remind people. Not in a creepy way. Yes, you. But honestly, it's worth pointing out to your nearest and dearest, and one complete stranger per week, that in an age of 500 channels and 500 other things to do, BBC One on a Saturday at 7pm is a lovely place to be.
Oh, but how exciting! At last! Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts, remove all loose objects and keep your arms and legs inside at all times. The journey to New Earth is about to begin. Hold tight!
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Top Submitters' Top Submissions
- 24384 points, 44 submissions: OverI0rd
- Japanese battleship Hyuga sunken in shallow waters at Kure,after she was struck by 10 bombs from aircrafts of Task Force 58 in 24 July 1945. This photo was taken in October 1945. [1464x1000] (2687 points, 46 comments)
- Japanese battleship Fuso during a damage control exercise. The crew conducts tests to flood and drain the ship's compartments,Kure Naval Base~20 April 1941. [1808x1080] (2129 points, 47 comments)
- German battleship Tirpitz during a sea trial on the Baltic Sea in the summer of 1941.[1640x1080] (1586 points, 124 comments)
- French battleship Jean Bart awaiting for scrapping at Toulon Harbour, 5 April 1970. [1102x735] (1402 points, 35 comments)
- Sailors camouflaging battleship Tirpitz in a Norvegian fjord, 1942. [1008x731] (1395 points, 25 comments)
- German battleship Tirpitz firing her forward main guns during trials on Baltic Sea in the summer of 1941. [1082x800] (1308 points, 35 comments)
- USS Missouri (BB-63). In port, circa 1948, with a motor launch full of U.S. Naval Academy Midshipmen passing by in the foreground. [793x640] (1264 points, 28 comments)
- Post-war photo of French battleship Richelieu, at 1946, probably after an overhaul.[1278x732] (836 points, 13 comments)
- Aerial view of Royal Navy ships HMS Hood, HMS Iron Duke, HMS Resolution, HMS Revenge and HMS Ramillies, all preparing for Royal Jubilee Naval Review, 1935. [407x600] (828 points, 23 comments)
- French battleships Strasbourg (the middle ship and Dunkerque (foreground) seen from the top of Mars el-Kebir fortress.[1202x697] (822 points, 25 comments)
- 15993 points, 101 submissions: Tsquare43
- [3000 x 1382]USS Oriskany (CV-34) sinking to the ocean floor, 22-miles south of Pensacola, Florida (FL) in approximately 212-ft. of water in the Gulf of Mexico, May 17, 2006 (2096 points, 95 comments)
- [607 x 800]HMS Cossack in the 'Altmark Incident' (Feb, 1940), by Anthony Cowland. [art] (1226 points, 53 comments)
- [3903 x 4173]Launching Aircraft from Flight Deck of USS Midway (CVA-41), During 'Operation Mainbrace', 9/17/1952 (920 points, 28 comments)
- [2952 x 1944]A PBR Mark II river patrol boat and a Coast Guard patrol craft provide security for the battleship USS Missouri (BB-63) as it passes under the Oakland Bay Bridge just before her recommissioning, May 8, 1986 (580 points, 23 comments)
- [2840 x 1880]USS IOWA (BB-61) at pier number one during the 100th anniversary celebration of the Statue of Liberty, July 6, 1986 (475 points, 5 comments)
- [3757 x 3253]USS Prinz Eugen (IX-300) on Aug 2, 1946, following both nuclear tests of 'Operation Crossroads' (457 points, 14 comments)
- [800 x 600]Ecuadorian Navy training ship BAE Guayas (BE-21) (416 points, 14 comments)
- [3025 x 3598]USS Enterprise (CV-6) on Aug 2, 1944 (414 points, 8 comments)
- [2840 x 1910]A port bow view of the battleship USS New Jersey (BB-62) underway, 10/1/1987 (406 points, 4 comments)
- [6148 x 5002]USS Los Angeles (CA-135) on 21 March 1951 (335 points, 6 comments)
- 15656 points, 23 submissions: RLoret
- Salvaged turret from the Japanese battleship Mutsu, Suuoshima, Japan, 1970 [1600x1085] (1811 points, 49 comments)
- Tugs attempt to free USS Missouri (BB-63), which had run aground on Thimble Shoals, Virginia, on 17 January 1950 [2992x3798] (1593 points, 51 comments)
- Exposed missile tubes on the wreck of Russian submarine K-141 Kursk, Murmansk, 2002 [1712x1101] (1516 points, 33 comments)
- Tugboats attempt to decontaminate the cruiser Prinz Eugen after atomic bomb tests at Bikini Atoll, July 1946 [1000x1131] (1190 points, 65 comments)
- Russian Cruiser Murmansk is scrapped in situ off Sørvær, Norway, 2012 [1993x1330] (1032 points, 17 comments)
- Oscar II class (Project 949A) submarines K-266 Orel and K-410 Smolensk at Gadzhievo Naval Base, near Murmansk [1580x1001] (1021 points, 20 comments)
- Free French light cruiser Gloire during exercises off North Africa, early 1944 [2507×1875] (989 points, 16 comments)
- German cruiser Prinz Eugen collides with the cruiser Leipzig off Hela, Poland, 15 October 1944 [1290x1077] (914 points, 47 comments)
- Turret 2 of USS Iowa (BB-61) shortly after internal explosion, 19 April 1989 [3000x2123] (895 points, 49 comments)
- USS Midway (CV-41) prepares to launch a Marine Corps RF-4B Phantom II in bicentennial markings, 1976 [1424×1136] (677 points, 8 comments)
- 14332 points, 16 submissions: bsmith2123
- Museum ship USS Wisconsin, an Iowa class battleship, decorated with Christmas lights for the holiday season [1284 x 1085] (2493 points, 86 comments)
- USS New Jersey firing her main guns both to port and starboard in 1986 [2298 × 1808] (2250 points, 94 comments)
- Colorized photo of French Battleship Richelieu in Villefranche in 1955 - One of the most gorgeous battleship designs IMO [1651 x 1114] (2132 points, 46 comments)
- 1/10th Scale Model of the Yamato at the Yamato Museum [1680 × 1132] (1518 points, 93 comments)
- Children play by a 'Tall-Boy' bomb crater with the wreck of the German Battleship Tirpitz in the background being broken up near Norway [1284 × 1096] (1083 points, 74 comments)
- Excited Spectators View the HMS Hood at her Empire Tour visit to New Zealand in 1924 - Hood was the largest warship in the world from her launch until Bismarck was launched in 1939 [3189 × 2390] (947 points, 49 comments)
- 450 Carrier Born Aircraft Overfly the USS Missouri During the Japanese Surrender Ceremony - September 2nd 1945 - This Concluded The Largest War in the History of the World [2707 × 2185] (938 points, 36 comments)
- USS Missouri firing a six gun salvo with shells visible in the top right of the frame - second photo without annotation - note how the shells are slightly delayed from each other to avoid dispersion issues [album ] (932 points, 35 comments)
- French Fast Battleship Dunkerque as she appeared in 1935 - note the quadruple turrets designed to save weight to comply with the Washington Naval Treaty - the quadruple turret was later utilized by the British and Americans in their designs - colorized by Irootoko Jr. [2898 × 1794] (489 points, 24 comments)
- HMS Hood at the port of West Australian Fremantle, Empire Cruise 1924 - colorized by Atsushi Yamashita [1080x830] (373 points, 10 comments)
- 14114 points, 36 submissions: Mattzo12
- A 12m long duplex rangefinder, intended for a 15' turret on an Italian Littorio class battleship, c. 1935 [2525 x 1120] (1828 points, 28 comments)
- Size comparison of the battleship Bismarck and the battlecruiser HMS Hood [583 x 1725] (1643 points, 170 comments)
- Atmospheric shot of the battlecruiser HMS Hood underway, possibly on her sea trials in 1920 [960 x 615] (1361 points, 18 comments)
- The battleship HMS Duke of York running full power trials, 1 November 1941. She recorded 28.6 knots with an initial displacement of 42,970 tons [1092 x 1144] (1025 points, 34 comments)
- The aircraft carrier HMS Furious, before she was rebuilt without her original superstructure [800 x 657] (654 points, 27 comments)
- HMS Liverpool, badly damaged after a torpedo hit from an Italian SM.79 on the 14 October 1940 [1280 x 1576] (632 points, 27 comments)
- The battleship HMS Duke of York leaves No. 1 Dock, Rosyth, November 1943. The heavy cruiser HMS Berwick is in No. 2 Dock and the light cruiser HMS Liverpool in No. 3 Dock. [1720 x 1297] (505 points, 9 comments)
- A weathered looking HMS King George V, outbound from Sydney Harbour, 1945. [2240 x 1734] (487 points, 6 comments)
- The rather wet stern of the New Orleans-class heavy cruiser USS Tuscaloosa (CA-37), as she steams at high speed off Cape Hatteras, 8 April, 1943 [2560 x 1980] (462 points, 6 comments)
- Type 45 destroyer HMS Dragon alongside in Gibraltar [3543 x 2306] (460 points, 53 comments)
- 11994 points, 5 submissions: smac
- Another bow shot of USS Iowa, this time intimidating a sailboat (1024 × 684) (4005 points, 128 comments)
- Since you folks like the Wisconsin photo I posted, here's the USS Iowa in the Panama Canal in 1992 (1996 × 1297) (3073 points, 118 comments)
- ex USS Independence (L) and USS Kitty Hawk (R) awaiting scrapping at Bermerton WA (580 × 763) (2286 points, 136 comments)
- USS Theodore Roosevelt transporting crew members' cars to their new homeport of Bremerton WA (1170 × 686) (1829 points, 111 comments)
- USS Wisconsin firing a salvo - just beyond the gas ring you can see a shell in flight (2895 × 1924) (801 points, 34 comments)
- 6840 points, 7 submissions: iamnotabot7890
- German Aircraft carrier 'Graf Zeppelin' under construction, March 22, 1939. Deutsche Werke, Kiel.(Colorized)[671x800] (2527 points, 85 comments)
- Deck views of USS Intrepid (CV-11) in 1945, 1955 and 1959 [1048x1276] (1928 points, 30 comments)
- The lower bow unit of the aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan (CVN 76) is lowered into place at the Northrop Grumman Newport News Shipbuilding facility. Newport News, Virginia. Mar, 16 2000 [1909x2917] (746 points, 27 comments)
- The Norwegian Navy Frigate HNoMS Helge Ingstad completed her final voyage Monday 8. February 2021 from Ågotnes to Hanøytangen to be scrapped. [6720x4480] (714 points, 18 comments)
- USS Ticonderoga (CVA-14) bow view at Norfolk Navy Yard in 1955 [1073x1508] (575 points, 12 comments)
- USS Maryland (BB-46). Running post-overhaul speed trials in Puget Sound, Washington, 26 April 1944. [2800x2170] (194 points, 16 comments)
- The U.S. Navy battleships USS Mississippi (BB-41), foreground, and USS Idaho (BB-42) during their modernisation refit at the Norfolk Navy Yard, Virginia (USA), on 30 May 1933. [2369x1812] (156 points, 5 comments)
- 6622 points, 39 submissions: triyoihftyu
- Icy deck of Aquitaine-class FREMM Bretagne off Norway during exercise Flotex Silver 21. [1500×1125] (1514 points, 30 comments)
- Computer rendering of an FDI, a Jacques Chevallier-class tanker and the Next Generation Aircraft Carrier of the French Navy performing replenishment at sea. An Horizon-class air defense frigate and another FDI are visible in the background. [4800×3198] (475 points, 76 comments)
- Puma, Tiger and Gazelles in the helicopter hangar of the Mistral-class LHD Tonnerre, deployed off Libya, 2011. [1600×1200] (396 points, 4 comments)
- One of the turrets of the Bretagne-class battleship Provence used as a shore battery near Toulon, WW2. [2893×2412] (391 points, 13 comments)
- Brand new Clémenceau leaving Brest for the first time, 1959. [1255×1606] (381 points, 5 comments)
- Heavy cruiser Algérie in 1939. [1540×975] (301 points, 5 comments)
- Battleship Bretagne during manoeuvres off Brest, leading the Suffren-class cruiser Foch, three other heavy cruisers and the seaplane carrier Commandant Teste, 1935. [1440×1674] (231 points, 6 comments)
- Battleship Dunkerque's crew relaxing on her deck and turrets, late 1930's. [1450×1939] (199 points, 2 comments)
- La Fayette-class Light Stealth Frigate Courbet in dry dock, Toulon, 5 October 2020 [1200×1454] (175 points, 7 comments)
- NATO exercise Brilliant Mariner 2017 fleet in the Mediterranean, gathering 9 French ships (including LHD Mistral), 3 Spanish (including LHD Juan Carlos), 2 British, 2 Danish, 2 Turkish, 1 Greek, 1 Canadian, 1 Italian, 1 German, 1 Portuguese, 1 Norwegian and 1 Dutch. [1893×738] (162 points, 1 comment)
- 6574 points, 17 submissions: abt137
- Not a warship, but historically interesting. In WW2 the Luftwaffe deployed rescue buoys in the English Channel to provide shelter to downed pilots. They had basic supplies inside and could be checked once or twice a day to see if any survivors were in to send a rescue floatplane. (672x948) (3448 points, 172 comments)
- IJN heavy cruiser Takao, probably around 1930 shortly after her launch. (1200x917) (530 points, 8 comments)
- WW2 Kriegsmarine Scharnhorst secondary armament (1753x836) (467 points, 16 comments)
- Italian battleship Littorio at anchor. (1391x926) (457 points, 15 comments)
- USS Langley pigeon house. Langley was the 1st US aircraft carrier and came with pigeon facilities as they were still used for comms in all services; eventually it was converted to Officers quarters. Saratoga & Yorktown came with pigeon houses too in origin (also re-purposed eventually). (4816x3582) (388 points, 20 comments)
- The US Marine Corps is 246 years old this week, so Happy Birthday! (from the battleship New Jersey facebook page) (1018x1274) (290 points, 3 comments)
- HMS Courageous at Alexandria, Egypt, 1935. (1520x1174) (203 points, 1 comment)
- Launching of the Italian heavy cruiser Pola, December 1931. (1156x768) (134 points, 4 comments)
- The Rivadavia class dreadnoughts of the Argentinian Navy testing their searchlights at the Boston Navy Yard in late 1925/early 1926. Both ships were sent to the US for modernization between 1924 and 1926. (1994x1472) (119 points, 5 comments)
- RN Submarine HMS X1, conceived in WW1 and built in 1923 as a submersible commerce raider. Mounted MAN diesel engines to recharge the batteries (ex U-126) and 2 twin turrets with 5.2'/42 (13.2 cm) QF Mark I guns. Plagued with technical and reliability issues was place in reserve in 1930. (1599x1035) (112 points, 1 comment)
- 5864 points, 11 submissions: vitoskito
- (1371 x 2000) German frigate Niedersachsen, Bremen-class ( F-208) passing through Corinth canal (1623 points, 20 comments)
- (2048 x 1365) Royal Norwegian Navy Skjold-class stealth corvettes (1331 points, 14 comments)
- (446 x 592) High elevation of three forward gun turrets of the cruiser Argonaut (734 points, 19 comments)
- (1398 x 1398) Virginia-class attack boat John Warner (SSN 785) as it conducts sea trials in the Atlantic Ocean. Dolphin is showing the way (668 points, 32 comments)
- (2048 x 1450) HMS Vanguard on the way for her last pint while on her route to the breakers yard by running aground next to the Still & West pub in Portsmouth. It took an hour for 5 tugs to pull her away. 1960 (453 points, 19 comments)
- (960 x 730) Kilo class submarine in sight of the Norwegian submarine Skolpen (Kobben class) during patrol in the Barents sea, 1991. Just after the Kilo came up on the surface (438 points, 24 comments)
- (1051 x 1817) Sailors manning the Mast at HMS Ganges, 11th November 1918 to celebrate the Armistice (265 points, 4 comments)
- (1536 x 2048) Full set of Wiking Modell ships found on board U-534. They were used for identifying British Naval ships.Wiking Modellbau is a German manufacturer of scale models in H0 scale and N scale originally made as accessories for model train sets. Founded in 1932 by Freidrich Karl Peltzer (114 points, 8 comments)
- (1024 x 677) Spanish Castilla (L52) Galicia-class landing platform dock (LPD) near La Palma (92 points, 3 comments)
- (1024 x 684) Bang! You're Dead (78 points, 11 comments)
- 5706 points, 23 submissions: Looselipssinkships93
- Admiral Kuznetsov's screws and rudders [2180x1634] (1749 points, 74 comments)
- Soviet Aircraft Cruiser Novorossiysk [2048x1152] (1114 points, 26 comments)
- Arktika class nuclear icebreaker Rossiya or Russia, armed with 2 AK-176 cannons and 4 AK-630 CIWS, only fitted during sea trials and removed when the trials ended, also had 2 mounts for OSA short range surface to air missiles [Album] (452 points, 12 comments)
- Peter the Great [3000x2000] (321 points, 11 comments)
- Stern view of Soviet Aircraft Cruiser Tbilisi during sea trials in the late 80's, later renamed Admiral Flota Sovetskogo Soyuza Kuznetsov or Admiral of the Fleet of the Soviet Union Kuznetsov in 1990 [1920x1426] (317 points, 28 comments)
- The wreck of Russian Riga class frigate SKR-72, decommissioned in 1994 and beached at the mouth of the yokanga river north of the Kola Peninsula in Murmansk Oblast [1024x768] (253 points, 9 comments)
- Project R-5757 Rescue Tug Nikolay Chiker, Admiral Kuznetsov's companion [2236x836] (218 points, 21 comments)
- Peter the Great and Admiral Kuznetsov in the North Atlantic during the 2004 naval exercises [1024x768] (135 points, 0 comments)
- Russian hoverborne guided missile corvette Bora in dry dock, the catamaran style hull can be seen clearly [4608x3456] (113 points, 7 comments)
- Slava class cruiser Moskva launching a S-300F surface to air missile [3504x2352] (105 points, 6 comments)
- 5416 points, 22 submissions: surrounded_by_vapor
- Lambo Veneno Roadster and a couple of Harriers on the deck of the Italian aircraft carrier Cavour. [4234x2478] (1438 points, 60 comments)
- A SEAL on a sub...Kawabunga [1199x867] (904 points, 13 comments)
- Japanese destroyer escort under air attack from US B-25s off the coast of Indochina, bodies of her crew and ship wreckage litter the deck, 13 April 1945. [1024x932] (666 points, 46 comments)
- TCG Muavenet after accidental Sea Sparrow attack by USS Saratoga, 2 Oct 1002. [1000x1454] (333 points, 26 comments)
- 16' Rifling Head at Watervliet Arsenal. [850x480] (214 points, 9 comments)
- A water-level bow view of the battleship Missouri (BB-63) underway 1 September 1986. The ship is en route to Hawaii prior to a cruise to Australia and around the world. [2840x1900] (206 points, 7 comments)
- German heavy cruiser Prinz Eugen at anchor. The image is dated 1945 and the ship has American flags so this was taken while the warship was under Allied control. [1593x1040] (193 points, 24 comments)
- View of Magazine Loch in Pearl Harbor - December 1944 / January 1945. LIFE Magazine Archives - W. Eugene Smith Photographer. [2048x2048] (186 points, 5 comments)
- HMS Nottingham, a batch two Type 42 destroyer in heavy sea. [1365x2048] (149 points, 3 comments)
- Spruance class destroyers on the way. DD Module Erection Area 24 June 1976. Ingalls Shipbuilding, Pascagoula, Mississippi. [1080x873] (149 points, 12 comments)
Top Commenters
- beachedwhale1945 (2332 points, 200 comments)
- Keyan_F (1299 points, 139 comments)
- TheSorge (1262 points, 52 comments)
- Mattzo12 (1188 points, 65 comments)
- RamTank (1053 points, 37 comments)
- MaxPatatas (955 points, 81 comments)
- Historynerd88 (880 points, 100 comments)
- ReactorMechanic (869 points, 39 comments)
- JosifStuntin1947 (823 points, 73 comments)
- smac (814 points, 13 comments)
- Spectre211286 (808 points, 31 comments)
- batia0121 (795 points, 20 comments)
Top Submissions
- Another bow shot of USS Iowa, this time intimidating a sailboat (1024 × 684) by smac (4005 points, 128 comments)
- Not a warship, but historically interesting. In WW2 the Luftwaffe deployed rescue buoys in the English Channel to provide shelter to downed pilots. They had basic supplies inside and could be checked once or twice a day to see if any survivors were in to send a rescue floatplane. (672x948) by abt137 (3448 points, 172 comments)
- Since you folks like the Wisconsin photo I posted, here's the USS Iowa in the Panama Canal in 1992 (1996 × 1297) by smac (3073 points, 118 comments)
- Japanese battleship Hyuga sunken in shallow waters at Kure,after she was struck by 10 bombs from aircrafts of Task Force 58 in 24 July 1945. This photo was taken in October 1945. [1464x1000] by OverI0rd (2687 points, 46 comments)
- German frigate FG217 Bayern visits Yokosuka, Japan [1000x520], [1000x620], [1000x591], [1000x1000] by SanityfortheWeak (2623 points, 225 comments)
- [1600x1134] On this day in 1913, the finest warship to serve in any fleet was launched. Happy 108th birthday to the grand old lady, HMS Warspite! by capt-chris (2542 points, 156 comments)
- German Aircraft carrier 'Graf Zeppelin' under construction, March 22, 1939. Deutsche Werke, Kiel.(Colorized)[671x800] by iamnotabot7890 (2527 points, 85 comments)
- Fort Drum, AKA USS No-Go. This “concrete battleship” was completed in 1918 and guarded the entrance to Manila Bay. It was later used during the defence of the Philippines [3042 × 2120] by LitZippo (2494 points, 70 comments)
- Museum ship USS Wisconsin, an Iowa class battleship, decorated with Christmas lights for the holiday season [1284 x 1085] by bsmith2123 (2493 points, 86 comments)
- [1500 x 525] PT boat with dazzle camoflauge. by duncan_D_sorderly (2450 points, 89 comments)
Top Comments
- 696 points: SanityfortheWeak's comment in German frigate FG217 Bayern visits Yokosuka, Japan [1000x520], [1000x620], [1000x591], [1000x1000]
- 558 points: Koopanique's comment in USS Theodore Roosevelt transporting crew members' cars to their new homeport of Bremerton WA (1170 × 686)
- 553 points: MaxPatatas's comment in Not a warship, but historically interesting. In WW2 the Luftwaffe deployed rescue buoys in the English Channel to provide shelter to downed pilots. They had basic supplies inside and could be checked once or twice a day to see if any survivors were in to send a rescue floatplane. (672x948)
- 483 points: TheSorge's comment in [3000 x 1382]USS Oriskany (CV-34) sinking to the ocean floor, 22-miles south of Pensacola, Florida (FL) in approximately 212-ft. of water in the Gulf of Mexico, May 17, 2006
- 480 points: _A_Friendly_Caesar_'s comment in [1500 x 525] PT boat with dazzle camoflauge.
- 473 points: LitZippo's comment in Fort Drum, AKA USS No-Go. This “concrete battleship” was completed in 1918 and guarded the entrance to Manila Bay. It was later used during the defence of the Philippines [3042 × 2120]
- 410 points: Portuguese_Galleon's comment in German frigate FG217 Bayern visits Yokosuka, Japan [1000x520], [1000x620], [1000x591], [1000x1000]
- 406 points: abt137's comment in Not a warship, but historically interesting. In WW2 the Luftwaffe deployed rescue buoys in the English Channel to provide shelter to downed pilots. They had basic supplies inside and could be checked once or twice a day to see if any survivors were in to send a rescue floatplane. (672x948)
- 395 points: akasayah's comment in German Aircraft carrier 'Graf Zeppelin' under construction, March 22, 1939. Deutsche Werke, Kiel.(Colorized)[671x800]
- 371 points: Baltimorons's comment in Since you folks like the Wisconsin photo I posted, here's the USS Iowa in the Panama Canal in 1992 (1996 × 1297)
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Statssubmitted bysubreddit_statstosubreddit_stats [link][comments]
2021.12.02 09:16 wsppanToday In Phishstory - December 2nd
# Today In Phishstory - December 2nd Brought to you by tiph-bot. Beep.All data extracted via The Phishnet API.
Phish
Phish, Wednesday 12/02/2009 (12 years ago) MSG, New York, NY, USAGap Chart, Tour: 2009 Fall Tour
Set 1 :AC/DC Bag> Chalk Dust Torture,Wolfman's Brother> NICU,Ocelot,Brian and Robert,Poor Heart,Sample in a Jar,Peaches en Regalia> Divided Sky,Cavern
Set 2 :Golgi Apparatus> Light> Slave to the Traffic Light> Tweezer> Joy,Sparkle> Harry Hood> Wading in the Velvet Sea,Suzy Greenberg> Run Like an Antelope 1
Encore :A Day in the Life> Tweezer Reprise
1 Lyrics changed to 'Been you to have any Mike?'
Jamchart Notes:
Light - A multi-section improvisational heavyweight, which includes rhythmic, chordal play, upbeat major mode exploration, and a return to minor mode rocking with dynamic variation and great contributions by Page, Mike and Trey.
Show Notes:
Peaches was played for the first time since September 24, 1999 (186 shows). The lyrics to Antelope were changed to 'Been you to have any Mike, man?'.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Tuesday 12/02/2003 (18 years ago) FleetCenter, Boston, MA, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 2003 20th Anniversary Run
Set 1 :Harry Hood> Cavern,Birds of a Feather,Ya Mar,Horn> Piper> Anything But Me,Water in the Sky,Down with Disease
Set 2 :Rock and Roll-> Weekapaug Groove 1 -> Tweezer Reprise 2 > Frankenstein-> Kung-> Frankenstein,All of These Dreams,The Wedge,Boogie On Reggae Woman> Cities> Maze,Waste
Encore :Bug
1 Unfinished. 2 Mike's Song lyrics sung by Trey.
Jamchart Notes:
Piper - Dissonant high power jam in this 20th Anniversary show version.
Rock and Roll - Very good, multi-section version breaks from 'R&R;' into a pulsing, funky and bluesy groove. From there, it settles with solid instrumental effects, before regaining momentum and -> to 'Weekapaug.' (w/o any 'Mike's').
Boogie On Reggae Woman - 20th Anniversary edition. The jam shifts in the last minute to set up the segue into 'Cities'.
Maze - > in from 'Cities.' Technically 'Type I,' yes. But this is one of the most unusual, cool versions ever performed, starting with Page's section, and continuing into Trey's. You gotta hear this one!
Show Notes:
This gig commemorated the 20th anniversary of the first Phish show. In the audience, a section of seats were roped off to make way for a music stand. The music stand held a three-ring binder that contained lyrics from the Phish canon, but it did not play an active role in the performance. Ya Mar contained teases of The Tra La La Song (One Banana, Two Banana). At the end of Disease, a video screen descended behind the stage. As the house lights remained down, a 25+ minute video was played featuring retrospective highlights from throughout Phish's career. Before the second set, Mike brought out a tray of desserts and shared them with fans in front of the stage. Highway to Hell was briefly teased by Trey before Rock and Roll. Weekapaug was unfinished. Tweezer Reprise included lyrics (sung by Trey) from Mike's Song. Appropriately, the post-show house music was the Beatles' song Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band (which begins with the lyric, 'It was twenty years ago today…').
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Thursday 12/02/1999 (22 years ago) The Palace of Auburn Hills, Auburn Hills, MI, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1999 Winter Tour
Set 1 :Runaway Jim,Farmhouse 1 ,Heavy Things,Roggae,Run Like an Antelope,Wading in the Velvet Sea,Poor Heart> Sample in a Jar> Free,The Squirming Coil
Set 2 :Boogie On Reggae Woman,Gotta Jibboo,Bathtub Gin-> Also Sprach Zarathustra> You Enjoy Myself 2 -> The Little Drummer Boy 3
Encore :Bold As Love
1 Slightly different arrangement, with an additional chorus at the end. 2 Silent jam. 3 Ended with Fish alone onstage.
Jamchart Notes:
Boogie On Reggae Woman - Wah-groove from Trey.
Bathtub Gin - The standard 'Gin' jam morphs around 14:25 into a raging, intense 'Piper'-like beast before flaming out and -> to '2001.'
Also Sprach Zarathustra - The Space Birds are out in full force. All kinds of originality, none of the cliche riffs.
You Enjoy Myself - Odd glam-rock repetitive jam segment. Silent jam. -> to 'Little Drummer Boy' VJ. (No B&D.;)
The Little Drummer Boy - -> in from the 'YEM' vocal jam. A capella version.
Show Notes:
Farmhouse featured a slightly different arrangement, with an additional chorus at the end. Antelope contained Roggae teases from Trey. YEM included a silent jam. Little Drummer Boy emerged from the YEM vocal jam and ended with Fish alone onstage. This show is available as an archival release on LivePhish.com.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Tuesday 12/02/1997 (24 years ago) CoreStates Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1997 Fall Tour (a.k.a. Phish Destroys America)
Set 1 :Buried Alive> Down with Disease 1 -> Makisupa Policeman,Chalk Dust Torture,Ghost> Divided Sky,Dirt> Taste,The Star Spangled Banner
Set 2 :Mike's Song-> Simple 2 -> Dog Faced Boy-> Ya Mar 3 -> Weekapaug Groove,Bouncing Around the Room,Character Zero
Encore :Ginseng Sullivan> Sample in a Jar
1 Unfinished. 2 Trey/Page musical duet. 3 Fun play on the actual lyrics.
Jamchart Notes:
Mike's Song - Exceptional single jam version which begins in funk/rock mode and grows increasingly powerful until 8:30, when the jam shifts into serious funk mode. After 12:00, the jam quiets to delicate, introspective play, before regaining its original juggernaut sense of power and -> to 'Simple.' This is entire Mike's Groove is must-hear material.
Simple - Features a Trey and Page duet. A gorgeous, must-hear version which -> to a must-hear 'Dog Faced Boy' which -> to a must-hear 'Ya Mar.'
Dog Faced Boy - -> in from 'Simple.' A beautiful and inspiring 'DFB' follows a gorgeous 'Simple' jam, and is part of a HUGE 'Mike's Groove.' -> to 'Ya Mar' as the great stuff keeps coming.
Ya Mar - -> in from 'Dog Faced Boy.' Jam quickly moves away from conventional 'Ya Mar' structure into a rhythmic, grooving foray with building intensity. 'Crosseyed And Painless' tease,' and a fantastic -> to 'Weekapaug.'
Weekapaug Groove - Thrilling, smooth -> in from 'Ya Mar.' This version completes a fantastic 'Mike's Groove.' 'Weekapaug' starts off more slowly before coming up to speed, then dives into the thick funk. Swiftly after 6:00, the jam blasts off into an upbeat groove that keeps building, working the crowd into a frenzy by 10:00. A must-hear version.
Character Zero - Mellow - or offbeat - by 'Zero' standards, the version, strangely musical, produces a fun and surprising 'tripping up the steps' sensation. The band, clearly energized, performs at a much slower tempo, the song's customary forceful vibe created by shouting and Trey's deliberate, scuzzy soloing.
Show Notes:
Disease was unfinished. Trey teased Lazy in Chalk Dust Torture and Close to the Edge in Taste. Simple featured a Trey/Page musical duet. Dog Faced Boy was played for the first time since August 12, 1996 (109 shows). Ya Mar included a fun play on the actual lyrics and a Crosseyed and Painless tease. Trey teased Izabella in Weekapaug.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Monday 12/02/1996 (25 years ago) America West Arena, Phoenix, AZ, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1996 Fall Tour
Set 1 :Rocky Top> AC/DC Bag,Bouncing Around the Room,You Enjoy Myself,I Didn't Know,Theme From the Bottom,Gumbo,Julius
Set 2 :Ya Mar,Divided Sky,Wolfman's Brother> Taste> Free,Scent of a Mule 1 ,Harry Hood,Sweet Adeline
Encore :Fire
1 Unfinished.
Jamchart Notes:
Taste - Strong '96 version with fantastic Trey playing as well predictably strong Page work. Big peak at the ending.
Show Notes:
Scent of a Mule was unfinished.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Saturday 12/02/1995 (26 years ago) New Haven Veterans Memorial Coliseum, New Haven, CT, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1995 Fall Tour
Set 1 :Prince Caspian,Runaway Jim,Mound> Guelah Papyrus,Reba 1 ,My Sweet One,Free,Taste That Surrounds,Bouncing Around the Room,Possum 2
Set 2 :Also Sprach Zarathustra> Maze> Simple-> Faht 3 ,Tweezer> A Day in the Life> Golgi Apparatus,The Squirming Coil,Tweezer Reprise
Encore :Bold As Love
1 No whistling. 2 All Fall Down signal. 3 Fish on acoustic guitar.
Jamchart Notes:
Maze - > in from '2001.' Hard to believe one of the all-time hose versions of 'Tweezer' comes two songs after the boys detonate this cluster bomb.
Tweezer - Even more serious 'HOSE' in the entire version. Just awe-inspiring!
Show Notes:
Reba did not have the whistling ending and Possum included an All Fall Down signal. Faht featured Fish on acoustic guitar. Tweezer contained Take Me to the River teases and Squirming Coil contained a Carol of the Bells tease from Page.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Friday 12/02/1994 (27 years ago) Recreation Hall, University of California-Davis, Davis, CA, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1994 Fall Tour
Set 1 :Poor Heart> Also Sprach Zarathustra,Sparkle> Simple-> It's Ice> The Lizards,Stash,The Squirming Coil
Set 2 :Chalk Dust Torture> David Bowie 1 ,Buried Alive 1 > Julius 1 ,The Landlady 1 ,Gumbo 1 > Caravan 1 ,Suzy Greenberg 1
Encore :Cavern 1
1 Cosmic Country Horns.
Jamchart Notes:
David Bowie - The usual pugnacious, mean-spirited jam until 13:45, when it sounds like it's wrapping up. But then the band delves into more exploration. Throw in the Cosmic Country Horns for the trill section, and you've got yourself another 'Big' improvisational version.
Show Notes:
The Cosmic Country Horns came in at the end of Bowie and played until the end of the show. Horns players included Dave Grippo on alto sax and percussion, Carl Gerhard on trumpet, Michael Ray on trumpet, James Harvey on trombone, and Peter Apfelbaum on baritone sax, tenor sax and flute. This version of Gumbo appears on A Live One . The opening act was Dave Matthews Band.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Wednesday 12/02/1992 (29 years ago) Newport Music Hall, Columbus, OH, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1992 Fall Tour
Set 1 :Suzy Greenberg,Foam,Divided Sky,Fast Enough for You> Poor Heart,Stash,The Lizards,Sparkle,Horn> You Enjoy Myself
Set 2 :Wilson 1 > Possum,Mound> Tweezer,Tela> Llama,Glide,Hold Your Head Up> Lengthwise> Hold Your Head Up,The Squirming Coil> I Walk the Line 2 ,Runaway Jim
Encore :Golgi Apparatus,Rocky Top
1 All Fall Down, Simpsons, Oom Pa Pa, Random Note, and Aw Fuck! signals. 2 Fish on washboard.
Jamchart Notes:
You Enjoy Myself - The intro to 'Wedge' is in the jam segment!!
Possum - Interesting start to the jam leads to a tense, somewhat dissonant remainder with great playing by Trey.
Tweezer - Weird jam, that was a 'Big Ball Jam' at one point. Goes from beautilful/melodic to thrashing 'Tweezer' jam off and on.
Show Notes:
Trey teased Fire (Ohio Players) in Divided Sky. Wilson contained All Fall Down, Simpsons, Oom Pa Pa, Random Note, and Aw Fuck! signals. Page teased Call to the Post before Lengthwise. I Walk the Line featured Fish on washboard.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Sunday 12/02/1990 (31 years ago) The Front, Burlington, VT, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1990 Tour
Set 1 :Llama> Bouncing Around the Room,Runaway Jim,The Asse Festival,Dinner and a Movie> You Enjoy Myself,Colonel Forbin's Ascent> Fly Famous Mockingbird,The Landlady,Possum
Set 2 :Mike's Song> I Am Hydrogen> Weekapaug Groove,Gumbo,Foam,Stash 1 ,Magilla 1 ,The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony> Suzy Greenberg 1 ,Rocky Top 2 ,Ya Mar 3 ,Run Like an Antelope 3
Encore :Lawn Boy 1 ,Golgi Apparatus
1 Dave Grippo on saxophone. 2 Russell Flanagan on fiddle. 3 Dave Grippo on saxophone and Russell Flanagan on fiddle.
Jamchart Notes:
Rocky Top - Dave Grippo and Russ Remington on saxophone. No recording available.
Show Notes:
Stash, Magilla, Suzy, and Lawn Boy featured Dave Grippo on saxophone and Rocky Top through Antelope featured Grippo on saxophone and Russell Flanagan on fiddle. Trey teased Buried Alive in Stash.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, 1989-12-02 Stevens Dining Hall, Lyndon State College, Lyndonville, VT, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/phish-december-02-1989-stevens-dining-hall-lyndon-state-college-lyndonville-vt-usa.html
Tour: 1989 Tour
Show Notes:
Phish, Friday 12/02/1988 (33 years ago) Molly's Cafe, Boston, MA, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1988 Tour
Set 1 :The Sloth,Golgi Apparatus,Bold As Love,Take the 'A' Train,Divided Sky,Contact,You Enjoy Myself
Set 2 :I Didn't Know,Good Times Bad Times,Alumni Blues,The Lizards,AC/DC Bag,Suzy Greenberg,Run Like an Antelope,Wilson
Show Notes:
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Friday 12/02/1983 (38 years ago) Harris-Millis Cafeteria, UVM, Burlington, VT, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1983 Tour
Set 1 :Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress 1 ,Proud Mary 1 ,In the Midnight Hour 1 ,Squeeze Box 1 ,Roadhouse Blues 1 ,Happy Birthday to You 1
Set 2 :Scarlet Begonias 1 > Fire on the Mountain 1
1 Phish debut.
Show Notes:
Trey, Mike, Fish, and Jeff Holdsworth recall being billed as 'Blackwood Convention' for this show (though no one is certain what band name was used), which is believed to be their first public gig together. The band was short on equipment, so a hockey stick was used as a microphone stand. Between sets, the DJ spun some Michael Jackson and Trey drummed along to the album. The house music (which included more Michael Jackson) was presumably turned up after Fire to drown out the band. The setlist may be incomplete, though, as the master recording contains nothing after Trey's sarcastic comments about Michael Jackson following Fire. All songs were, of course, Phish debuts. Back in Black was teased before Scarlet Begonias. While this show is often billed as an ROTC Halloween Dance that took place on October 30, 1983, this is incorrect. The master copy of the recording of this show, as unearthed by Phish archivist Kevin Shapiro, contains a handwritten note that pegs the date as December 2, 1983. In discussions with Kevin, band members confirmed that they recall rehearsing for this show over the Thanksgiving Break, and that the show was a Christmas semi- formal. Also, it was not an ROTC-sponsored event; it was a dorm dance in a predominantly ROTC dorm (Mike's dorm at the time).
Listen now at Phish.in!
Trey Anastasio
Trey Anastasio Band, 2014-12-02 9:30 Club, Washington, DC, USASetlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-december-02-2014-930-club-washington-dc-usa.html
Tour: TAB - Fall 2014 Tour
Show Notes:
Trey Anastasio Band, 2005-12-02 Warfield Theatre, San Francisco, CA, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-december-02-2005-warfield-theatre-san-francisco-ca-usa.html
Tour: TAB - 70 Volt Parade Fall 2005 Tour
Show Notes: The Hackensaw Boys opened. A pre-recorded version of '70 Volt Parade' was played over the P.A. as the band took the stage. 'Bitch' (Rolling Stones) was a TAB debut. After 'Sweet Dreams Melinda,' Trey apologized to Mick Jagger for screwing up the words to 'Bitch.' 'Waves' and 'Loving Cup' were performed solo acoustic. 'Invisible' was performed with Trey on acoustic and Jennifer and Christina providing backing vocals. After Invisible,' Trey scolded the audience for throwing things at him, not just at this show but over the course of the entire tour. 'Iko Iko' (Dixie Cups), 'GDTRFB' (Traditional), 'Eyes,' and 'Casey Jones' (Grateful Dead) all featured guest performances by Bill Kreutzmann and Mickey Hart and were TAB debuts. Prior to 'Casey Jones,' Trey claimed he 'just taught Tony this song.'
Mike Gordon
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/mike-gordon-december-02-2016-the-cannery-ballroom-nashville-tn-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes:
2021.11.24 01:20 LokokanI feel like there's so many things going on in my head that I'm going insane
Brief context: I spend, and have been spending for the past few years, massive chunks of each day on my phone. My average screen hours today (so far!) are 8 hours. Since I won't sleep for at least another 4, my average screen time for today will be 10+. That's pretty standard. Sometimes it can be worse.
And what do I do on my phone? Nothing important. It's like a routine that I follow on autopilot at this point: reddit, scroll, reach the top of my feed; discord, scroll, make sure I'm up-to-date in my servers; TikTok, mindlessly scroll for an infinite amount of time; Whatsapp, chat about random things in group chats; Twitter, scroll aimlessly; YouTube; occasionally, I'll read books on my phone, but this doesn't usually last very long because of the constant distraction. And this cycle continues multiple times throughout the day.
My mind is never focused on one thing. I'm just scrolling and switching apps, scrolling and switching apps, to the point that sometimes I can feel a discomfort in my head.
I tried digital minimalism a couple of weeks ago. I also read Newport's book on the subject, which I really enjoyed. It lasted a few days, and to be honest it was a great experience having my head cleared, but I became so bored that I downloaded all my apps again. I tried it a few days later but downloaded them back even more quickly. Also, during those few blissful days that I had no apps on my phone—and my screen time dropped to under an hour a day—I found that I'd spend ages on my laptop instead. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't nearly as much time I spend on my phone, but it was still a couple of hours.
One thing that keeps pulling me back in is that the stuff I follow on social media is actually quite interesting and relevant to me. With reddit I can browse subs relevant to my degree, with discord I can read about religion, with TikTok I can see people's experiences in uni, with Whatsapp I can chat with my mates. You get the idea. It's really alluring.
If anyone has been in a similar situation and has any tips, I'm all ears lmao.
submitted byLokokantonosurf [link][comments]And what do I do on my phone? Nothing important. It's like a routine that I follow on autopilot at this point: reddit, scroll, reach the top of my feed; discord, scroll, make sure I'm up-to-date in my servers; TikTok, mindlessly scroll for an infinite amount of time; Whatsapp, chat about random things in group chats; Twitter, scroll aimlessly; YouTube; occasionally, I'll read books on my phone, but this doesn't usually last very long because of the constant distraction. And this cycle continues multiple times throughout the day.
My mind is never focused on one thing. I'm just scrolling and switching apps, scrolling and switching apps, to the point that sometimes I can feel a discomfort in my head.
I tried digital minimalism a couple of weeks ago. I also read Newport's book on the subject, which I really enjoyed. It lasted a few days, and to be honest it was a great experience having my head cleared, but I became so bored that I downloaded all my apps again. I tried it a few days later but downloaded them back even more quickly. Also, during those few blissful days that I had no apps on my phone—and my screen time dropped to under an hour a day—I found that I'd spend ages on my laptop instead. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't nearly as much time I spend on my phone, but it was still a couple of hours.
One thing that keeps pulling me back in is that the stuff I follow on social media is actually quite interesting and relevant to me. With reddit I can browse subs relevant to my degree, with discord I can read about religion, with TikTok I can see people's experiences in uni, with Whatsapp I can chat with my mates. You get the idea. It's really alluring.
If anyone has been in a similar situation and has any tips, I'm all ears lmao.
2021.11.23 19:51 MavmaramisAntoinette's Coffee Shop & Bar, 3 Commercial Road, Newport, Gwent. Dated 2016 in the roundel.
| submitted byMavmaramistou/Mavmaramis [link][comments] |
2021.11.23 16:42 Jean_des_EsseintesDeep Dive into DRI Healthcare Trust ( $DHT-UN, $DHT-U ) , Busted IPO and Free Cash Flow Machine Trading at a Huge Discount to Book Value
Ticker Symbol: DHT-UN (also trades in USD under the ticker DHT-U but the Canadian ticker is much more liquid) on the TSX exchangeShare Price: $6.90 (USD $5.43)
Shares Outstanding: 40,037,255
Market Cap: $276.26 million (USD $217.32 million)
Reverse Compensated Dating In Usable
P/B: 0.56P/FCF: 2.98
*All dollar amounts below will be in $USD as this is the currency DRI reports in.
DRI Healthcare IPO'ed on the TSX in February of 2021, a mere 9 months ago. The IPO was a little atypical in that it coincided with the formation of a Trust, i.e. the subscribers to the IPO would own 100% of the newly formed company. The IPO raised USD $400 million through the issuance of 40,107,407 shares. 90% of the shares were sold to the public at USD $10, the rest were offered to insiders through a private placement at USD $9.70.
Of the $400 million in proceeds from the IPO, $292 million were earmarked to purchase a portfolio of pharmaceutical royalties. This portfolio, along with several previous portfolios, had been managed by DRI Capital for the past 19 years. Over this 19 years the portfolios had been funded mostly by private institutions, and presumably other high net worth entities. Since 2006, DRI Capital has invested over $1.3 billion into pharmaceutical royalties through 3 different funds. The funds over this time have achieved an IRR of 18.9%. Beginning in 2019 DRI stopped accepting new capital an initiated a strategic review to determine the best path forward for the funds. In late 2020 they decided to make the funds public.
So why go public? DRI Capital felt that it would be more successful growing the portfolio of royalties by opening itself up to the public markets, thus gaining greater access to capital and alleviating the restrictions sometimes placed upon it by private investors. The plan was to go public by purchasing the remaining portfolio of 18 royalties and using excess cash to invest in future royalties. The goal is to invest between $650-$750 million over the next 5 years with this being funded through traditional debt, cash flow, and possibly future equity raises.
Through the IPO DRI essentially closed down the remaining royalty funds and transferred the corresponding seed assets to the newly formed trust at an assigned book value, determined by a discount cash flow analysis based on the future cash flow of the remaining assets.
Since DRI's IPO in February its share price has dropped an astounding 45.7%, from the IPO price of $10 to today's close of CAD $6.90 (USD $5.43). After deducting IPO fees, the book value of DRI at the time of IPO was $9.45/share. As of September 30th it has increased to $9.75 as a result of its cash flow generation. As I will go into more detail there is no reason for DRI to trade at less than book value. From today's price of $5.43 a bounce back to $9.75 will result in a return of 80%. There is also a juicy 5.5% dividend yield that will feed one's pockets while one waits for rationality to return.
There's obviously gold royalty companies (Osisko, Franco-Nevada, etc.), oil royalty Co's (Freehold, etc), diversified royalty Co's (Alaris, etc.) but pharma royalty companies are also a thing. The largest is Royalty Pharma, trading on the Nasdaq. But for the most part royalty drug companies lurk in the shadows; they are a favorite of private equity seeking outsized returns with minimal risk. Let's just call it altruism (allowing the public to share in these outsized returns) that Royalty Pharma (June 2020 IPO) and now DRI Capital have decided to enter the public markets.
Speaking of Royalty Pharma, it currently trades at 50% higher than its IPO of $28. It also recently received an endorsement from Mr. Buffet with Berkshire purchasing 13 million shares. And Royalty Pharma also trades at a price to book ratio of 3.1, compared to DRI's price to book of 0.56!
There are 2 important points to consider;
- DRI is not Royalty Pharma as DRI's mission is to solely focus on royalty deals in the $25-150 million range, deals that Royalty Pharma would consider too small. The space for these smaller deals can be more or less competitive. This is just DRI's wheelhouse, what they have been doing for 19 years in the private market.
- Larger deals equate to less risk. But that is not to say the royalties purchased by DRI are completely obscure. Many of the drugs DRI holds royalties to have sales in the billions and are sold by the biggest names in the business (J&J, Merckk, Roche, etc.)
The royalty deals DRI enter into are not too dissimilar from commodity royalties. There are two types of royalties, traditional and synthetic. Think of traditional as a royalty on a producing commodity and synthetic as a royalty on a future producing commodity. The seed assets acquired by DRI at the time of its IPO were all traditional royalties, i.e. royalties on drugs that are FDA approved and being sold worldwide. These drugs are all marketed by multi billion dollar pharmaceutical companies and many of them have annual sales in the billions. Examples below;
Eyelea, marketed by Regeneron, sales of $7.5 billion
Spinraza, marketed by Biogen, sales of $2.1 billion
Zytiga, marketed by J&J, sales of $2.8 billion
Reverse Compensated Dating In Usa For Men
Since its IPO DRI has entered into two more royalty deals, one traditional, and one synthetic. They are also in the final stages of several more deals, all traditional.
Whereas gold or oil royalties are generally purchased as streams from miners in need of some upfront cash, drug royalties are generally purchased from smaller institutions and inventors who were involved in the initial development of the marketed drugs. These entities for any number of reasons are interested in transferring the royalty to DRI for upfront cash. As an analogy, imagine a landowner who sold his property to Barrick Gold for a 1% royalty on any future gold mined from the property. Years later Barrick is producing gold on the property but the landowner would prefer collecting a lump sum for his asset instead of 1% for the lifespan of the mine. These are the type of royalties DRI seeks out in the pharmaceutical universe - stable royalties on drugs marketed by best in class companies that will provide a good return on investment.
Royalty (streams), especially traditional royalties are an excellent investment due to their stable returns, especially in a low interest rate environment. There are, however, some risks;
Cyclical Risk
A company will purchase a royalty expecting a certain return on investment. If it is a commodity like gold or oil there is the possibility the royalty could become impaired if the price of the commodity drops significantly. Even diversified royalty companies can run into cyclical risk if they are too concentrated in a a given sector, e.g. consumer products, industrial products, etc. Drugs, however, have the advantage of not being cyclical. Even during the Great Recession drug sales rose 2% and DRI (as a private fund) continued to generate a positive return on invested capital.
Company Risk
It is true many royalty deals are a product of a liquidity crunch. A gold miner struggling to service debt or ramp up production will enter a streaming deal but this does not mean they are out of the woods. If the company has a history of poor operational performance there is the possibility they will find themselves in a similar situation again before the royalty pays off the initial investment. Royalty companies that have royalties with a wide mix of financially sound and well managed companies should always trade at a higher valuation. The lead marketers of DRI's top 6 royalties are J&J (25%), Gilead (20%), Biogen (19%), Novartis (10%), Regeneron (9%), and Roche (8%). These companies represent 92% of DRI's core revenue.
Product Risk
Gold is gold, oil is oil but individual drugs are well, a little more unstable in terms of their predicted future sales. The manager of DRI, having done this for 19 years, has obviously been quite successful at 1) tracking down royalties (which isn't always easy to do!) ; 2) understanding the market of the corresponding drug; and 3) choosing to purchase royalties that are marketed (sold) by companies with a strong reputation in the field. Nevertheless some drugs will run into problems and there is a risk that the royalty will become impaired. Again this is the importance of diversification. DRI's largest revenue generator represents 20% of their total revenue. As more royalties are purchased this number will naturally come down. The drugs they hold royalties on also target a wide range of conditions.
Debt Risk
If things turn south and the royalty company is carrying a lot of debt there may be trouble servicing this debt. Freehold Royalties took a hit with the pandemic oil crash. Alaris and Diversified Royalty were also significantly affected by the pandemic. DRI is in a net cash position so debt is currently not a concern. This will obviously change going forward as they make new investments. More debt leads to greater earnings but it does come with risk.
Refresh Risk
While commodity royalties are generally good for the life span of a mine, drug royalty returns are capped both for revenue and the number of years they are valid. A typical royalty may last anytime from 4 to 12 years. DRI's current core portfolio has expiry dates ranging from 2024 to 2032. This means the portfolio needs to constantly be refreshed with new royalties. What will the competitive landscape look like in the future, will the return on investment be as juicy as it is currently?
Taking into account the above risks the market historically attributes a premium to book value when valuing royalty companies. The book value of the royalty asset is recorded as the initial royalty purchase price. The only reason for a company to trade below book value is if they have impaired royalties on the book, the market is extremely bearish on a a cyclical sector, or the cash flow isn't sufficient to overcome the debt burden. Below is a list of mostly Canadian royalty companies:
| Company | Sector | Price-to-Book |
|---|---|---|
| Osisko Gold Royalties | Gold | 1.66 |
| Sandstorm Gold | Gold | 2.04 |
| Franco-Nevada | Gold | 4.66 |
| Freehold Royalties | Oil | 1.95 |
| Newport Exploration | Oil | 7.29 |
| Alaris Equity | Diversified | 1.16 |
| Diversified Royalty | Diversified | 1.81 |
| Royalty Pharma | Drugs | 3.1 |
| DRI Healthcare | Drugs | 0.56 |
The only somewhat direct comparable to DRI is obviously Royalty Pharma. Nevertheless the table does show that the relatively stable return of royalties is something the market ascribes a premium to. One other point of note is the apparently absurd price-to-book of Newport Exploration. This is a tiny company ($50 million market cap) with multiple royalties with a single company. Huge company risk. But they have no debt, have no cap on the royalties, and the lifespan of the royalty could be decades. And when comparing it to DRI, it also shows that smaller companies can be iirrationally priced, in either direction. One thing that has always worked in Newport's favour is management's determination to return cash flow to investors. I believe DRI's management has the same motivation, as will be discussed later on.
While book value is a good measure of a royalty company's assets, cash flow is a better indicator of return on invested capital. Below is a table with the same selection of royalty companies and their corresponding (share) price-to-cash flow ratio.
| Company | Sector | Price-to-Cash Flow |
|---|---|---|
| Osisko Gold Royalties | Gold | 22.1 |
| Sandstorm Gold | Gold | 16.4 |
| Franco-Nevada | Gold | 30 |
| Freehold Royalties | Oil | 12.1 |
| Newport Exploration | Oil | 9.5 |
| Alaris Equity | Diversified | 8.9 |
| Diversified Royalty | Diversified | 13.6 |
| Royalty Pharma | Drugs | 11 |
| DRI Healthcare | Drugs | 2.98 |
One reason for the gold mining royalties high price-to-cash flow is due to the length of the royalties versus the diversified and drug royalty companies. As DRI is a new company with only two complete quarters of financials, here is how I calculated DRI's annualized cash flow on their core assets:
Q2
Royalty Income: $20.9 million
Expenses: $4.99
- Management Fees: $2.17
- Interest Expense: $0.48
- Servicer Fees: $0.4
- Deal Investigation and Research Costs: $0.37
- Other Operating Expenses: $1.57
- Other Items: $0
Income-Expenses = $15.91 million
Q3
Royalty Income: $20.7 million
Expenses: $4.67
- Management Fees: $1.11
- Interest Expense: $0.38
- Servicer Fees: $0.4
- Deal Investigation and Research Costs: $0.6
- Other Operating Expenses: $1.46
- Other Items: $0.72 (one time)
Income-Expenses = $16.03 million
Following Q3, DRI purchased the Oracea royalty which should add about $12 million/year of royalty income. New streams tend to have a 90% EBITDA margin so Oracea will likely add around $10.8 million/year of EBITDA. As the Oracea royalty was funded by a new $200 million CIBC credit facility, debt service will be about $1.6 million/year leaving $9.2 million of free cash flow from Oracea
Including Oracea FCF the total annualized royalty income is is $73.08 million or $1.82/share. With a current share price of $USD 5.43 this results in a a price-to cash flow or 2.98.
To give perspective on how cheap this really is, the current cash flow yield (Cash Flow/Enterprise Value) is a whopping 37.5%. Or look at it this way; how could DRI not be on the radar of private equity vultures when it is returning 37% on invested capital. It can not stay public for long with this sort of yield.
- Note all of the above calculations only take into account their core assets. DRI still receives cash flow from some mature royalties and interest on a loan which I'll get to later. Taking into account these income streams they are actually yielding over 40%.
The current manager of the trust, DRI Capital, has been managing its own royalty funds since 2002. In that time they have returned an IRR of 18.9%. Furthermore from 2007 until 2019 (when they stopped taking new capital) they grew royalty income at a CAGR of 10.5%. As a public company DRI is aiming to grow royalty income at a CAGR of 7-9%. DRI, as a private entity, has proven successful at providing excellent returns while simultaneously increasing invested capital.
However, there is one hiccup in their record as a public company. In August they announced a $135 million debt and royalty transaction with CTI BioPharma. The debt part of the transaction is a $50 million loan bearing approximately 10% interest. The royalty part of the transaction is a synthetic royalty, the only one in DRI's portfolio. The drug in question is under priority review with the FDA and has a target decision date of November 30th. If the drug is approved, DRI will deliver the rest of the money in exchange for a royalty. DRI believes the drug will be approved and there is a strong marketing team in place to generate sales once it is approved. This will for sure be a test of management's ability to assess a drug's potential both from an approval and a future sales standpoint.
DRI has made it clear that the CTI transaction will not be the norm going forward. In fact this is the only deal in their pipeline that involves a synthetic royalty. If CTI's drug is not approved and the loan becomes impaired it does not ruin the investment thesis. A $50 million impairment would drop the book value from $9.75 to $8.50, still resulting in a potential 56.5% to DRI's share price.
FDA Decision on CTI's Drug November 30th
If the drug receives approval this should at least be an early validation of DRI's ability to evaluate new drugs and enter into favourable synthetic royalty agreements. A non-approval is still relatively immaterial considering where DRI's shares are currently trading. If it causes them to drop further that would be a huge catalyst to buy shares at a deeper discount to book value.
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Tax Loss Selling Ends/Regression to the Mean
This stock is not that liquid so it doesn't take much to drive the share price down. It is not unusual for investors to buy into an IPO without fully understanding what they are buying. The market has had a good year, people have taxes to pay, nobody likes a loser (except me!); it makes perfect sense that some of the selling pressure is due to tax loss season. But when this ends the share price should receive a fairer rating. It can't yield close to 40% forever.
NCIB/Insider Buying/Special Dividend
Since the share price started dropping the following initiatives have taken place:
- DRI announced a normal course issuer bid and to date has bought back 70,152 units.
- DRI has doubled the distribution to 30 cents annually resulting in a dividend yield of 5.5%. DRI intends to divvy out 20-30% of its cash flow. A special distribution will be declared at year end. 20% of this year's cash flow ($1.68 estimate) equates to approximately $0.34/share. DRI will have declared $0.1825 in dividends by year end so I expect a special dividend of $0.16 minimum.
- Insiders have begun purchasing shares, most recently the CEO's father and founder of Future Shop, Hassan Khosrowshahi. He purchased 69,000 shares in the public market last week.
With an average royalty life span of 7 years, what would a private equity firm pay upfront for the company? Fire management, write off the $50 million loan to CTI, and then just sit back and collect royalties on the core portfolio until the last one runs out in 2032. Based on the annual cash flow and average life span the core portfolio of royalties should return conservatively USD $12.74 by 2032, Of course cash will be flowing every year with most of the cash returned by 2028. This is an asset too valuable to trade at today's price.
I'm not prepared to set a price target at this point. Due to the nature of the IPO this was in no way an inflated IPO. The core portfolio of assets are quite easy to value within a narrow margin of error. This was done as part of the IPO process and the book value was accordingly determined. Since then none of the assets have been impaired. Cash flow has been consistent and met expectations. Subtract the $50 million loan to CTI and you're left with a book value of USD $8.50 or CAD $10.80. With DRI Capital's track record over the last 19 years it should trade at a premium to book value like every other royalty company and should have a price to free cash flow ratio over 8 like every other royalty company. A P/FCF of 8 results in a share price of USD $14.40 or CAD $18.29. But I understand the story needs to be de-risked a bit more to start talking about what could be. So for now I am going to wait until some level of rationality returns and the company trades within 20% of its book value. Then I'll reassess the future.
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2021.11.22 16:59 queefersutherland1Uh-oh, somebody's crying! This week in RHH History: November 22nd - 28th.
'Ello, 'ello! Another week, another list. I will just not discuss RHOD due to the new rule in place, and I just don't want to have to worry/work around it. It's not like there are many, if at all, long-lasting iconic moments, nor Dallas housewives that are favourites. It will not be missed (by me, at least). submitted byqueefersutherland1toBravoRealHousewives [link][comments]NOVEMBER 22ND RHOA, S8E3, 2015 For some reason, we have to see Porsha getting a colonic, and Phaedra sits and watches. That odd-ass decision aside, Phaedra uses the moment to talk about how pissed she is at Kandi for housing Apollo's motorbikes in her garage, even though Todd probably is mostly responsible for that. Kenya is launching her hair care line, Kenya Moore Hair Care (does anyone else hear drums whenever they see/hear the name?), and Marlo wants to make sure the venue is cold - as it's the most important thing to her! We learn that Marlo, along with the other housewives, is disappointed as it is absolutely sweltering, and when pregnant Kandi goes to the bar to ask for a glass of water, there is none. Shamea assumes all the bottles of Kenya Moore Hair Care are filled with water and takes a big gulp of shampoo. It is indeed full of water, which is upsetting to Kenya's friends, as Kenya hasn't even arrived yet. When Kenya does get there, she dips out immediately cause it was so freakin' hot in there, and takes her date outside. Peter and Cynthia are at the edge of their divorce, and things aren't going well enough to stick together according to Cynthia, yet Peter begs for another chance and she gives it to him. https://preview.redd.it/eaukqpbczy081.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=7501a26421e6ef737d47adcbd2438f22d58ec499 https://preview.redd.it/ou9c6isczy081.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=a9a363b366eab9fdc239ec40563da7c3856484db RHOP, S5E17, 2020 Still in Portugal, Ashley tells Robyn and Gizelle poolside that she has written a statement for Monique, and mentions that now she and Candiace can 'call it even.' No matter what she meant, the two latched on to that and told her Candiace would no longer be her friend and to expect their relationship to be over. The women go out for dinner the next day, and after Robyn tells all the women the photos for Embellished dropped, everyone gets to see their photos used except for Karen, whose photos weren't chosen. Karen is like, 'I'm good', and doesn't react much which is good. Gizelle and Ashley are throwing a dominatrix-themed party, and while everyone was having a good time, Ashley decides that's the moment to drop the fact that she's helping out Monique. This does not go well, and of course, Candiace needs a cryangle. NOVEMBER 23RD RHOA, S7E3, 2014 We saw Claudia last week but we really get introduced to her this episode, and we get to hear her tagline 'Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I'm here to stay.' I am a Claudia-stan, but I giggle every time I hear it from that one season wonder. Porsha and Kandi are waiting for Phaedra to arrive for a girl's night, and Porsha, who's not the most insightful person, gets really wise for a moment and says Cynthia started 'out as a little Nene and now she's a baby Kenya.' Honestly. Cynthia is a chameleon friend! But, to be noted, of course someone wouldn't take the side of Porsha attacking Kenya at the reunion, right? Kandi tells Phaedra when she arrives about Cynthia's party Phaedra didn't attend, and how Apollo went on an apology tour and said he lied about Kenya. Cynthia is fun this season and has great insight when she says she has moved out of the penthouse suite she used to live in Nene's ass, and Porsha has taken over her lease there. Funnily enough, later in the episode, Nene and Porsha get together, have some drinks and talk about how Cynthia is a THOT. Apollo heads to the lawyer EVERYONE else on this show sees (I think he needs a friend-of credit), Randy Kessler, and although Apollo is looking for advice, Randy looks reluctant to give it. Apollo finishes his scene with 'truthfully, I love my wife. I despise everything about her, but I love my wife.' Porsha is trying to work things out with Cynthia, so they make plans for lunch. Porsha arrives an hour late, and when Cynthia notes that, Porsha says she's glad she could stay. Not an apology or anything! To me, five minutes early is on time, on time is late. The two spend their time together making faces and talking about blogs. Does Bravo have this guy on retainer? lmao https://preview.redd.it/fhcqmowuzy081.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=69fca69120c9dd93e66dd87d4c9175bde47b2d20 NOVEMBER 24TH RHOA, S6E4, 2013 OMG. Not much happened in this episode, but the best part is a small little clip where Nene goes to visit Kenya in her hotel room and asks 'where you live, bitch?', tells her to grab her shoes and go looking for a home, and cries 'not a white refrigerator!' I made a cross-stitch of this moment because I love it SO much! https://preview.redd.it/23w6tnu32z081.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=810ebe61e17df36b717808a55219aa63cdb823f6 RHOA, S12E4, 2019 We begin where we left off the last episode, where Nene was trying to make eye contact with anyone else but Cynthia on the Bravo pride float. She can't avoid her for long, and Cynthia tells her she looks good, and after the parade wraps up, we see Nene's talking head about how she never thought the 'gay community would love [her] so much.' Her ego is literally at an eleven this season, I hate it. Porsha goes to her therapist, and although I really don't agree with anyone who as a licensed therapist agrees to be on TV, she asks Porsha if Dennis earned her trust, or if she just gave it to him. How deep and profound, and I am stoned but this is a serious question we need to be asking ourselves, y'all! We learn that Kenya and Marc are having more issues, where he undoes everything she does with the baby. If she swaddles, he unwraps her. If she puts Brooklyn in the crib, he takes her out. Cynthia is in New York, and so is Eva so they meet up for dinner. I love Eva when she's pregnant because although all the housewives no doubt have an appetite (I love seeing housewives ACTUALLY eat their dinner), she is at like a whole other level! She orders a bunch of stuff and production lets us know her dinner was $178, and Cynthia's was $44. Cynthia waits until the food arrives and is like - surprise! - Marlo is coming. Eva then asks for like fifteen to-go boxes and then says 'Marlo is a very nasty person with thick lace on her wig.' In all the seasons, in all the episodes, in all the times I've rewatched this series, no one, and I mean no one can read Marlo like Eva can. Do you remember the Tokyo trip?! Kandi is at the OBGYN with her surrogate and gets a text from Kenya asking her to come over because she's feeling quite bad. Kandi comes over, and after some small talk, Kenya admits that she and Marc are not having sex, their relationship is rocky, he basically verbally abuses her, and when she planned an anniversary trip, she ended up taking it alone. She asks if everyone's first year of marriage is like this. Damn, got me in the feels Kenya, she thought she had her dream and she did not. https://preview.redd.it/zzc3yqnb5z081.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=622e4a10d67715afd703f0b7db500ecd3191b7a8 https://preview.redd.it/p7kilu6s5z081.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=6668d9c7fa7047e2154af74e396726d773049935 NOVEMBER 25TH RHOC, S4E1, 2008 Vicki has grand ideas of owning a yacht. She wants to sell her Lake Havasu house, so she doesn't have to travel there, and she can use it every day. It is actually a really cool boat! Dated, but it is from 2008! It's listed at a million dollars, so Vicki had some serious money, as she was serious about buying it and not just looking at it for the show I believe. Later, when Vicki and Brianna go out for dinner, Vicki lets her know that she wants to sell the lake house and Brianna is not having it. She tells her to sell another house - like HOW MANY HOUSES CAN SOMEBODY OWN THAT IF THEY WANT TO SELL ONE HOUSE THERE ARE OTHERS TO CHOOSE FROM?! Jeana is redesigning her bedroom, and at this point, thank god for in present time talking heads. Her designer wonders why she only has photos up of herself when she was young when she is so beautiful now and doesn't want her living in the past. She calls it a 'constant reminder of what you aren't today.' The designer is also dating the leader of the boot camp that Jeana and Viki go to. Matt comes in and yells about the dog being out front, and then he yells at her about how many lights she has on. He's the worst, and their relationship, or lack of it, was so sad to watch on the show. Tamra's mom wants a facelift, so she goes with her to the consultation and Tamra gets some injections as she's nervous her mom will look younger than her after it's done. Lauri and George go St. Regis for dinner and talk about where to go on their honeymoon. They just married last season, so they've been married nine months at this point. They want luxurious and private, and George mentions calling 'Charles Branson' about his private beach, when he actually meant Richard Branson, lol. Charles Branson had been dead for five years at the time of this episode, and neither of them realize they're talking about something completely different. Jeana shows new housewife Gretchen and Jeff, her cancer-battling fiance, a home, and calls her a Tamra lookalike and notes she dated older too when she was Gretchen's age. The house is $4 million, and in Coto, so she's the new 'rich' gal on the scene. Gretchen tells us she sold Jeff a home in the Newport Coast, and he hired her to decorate the home as well. She tells us in her talking head that she wasn't attracted to him in the beginning, but because he was so kind and generous, she could forget she thought he looked like Kenny Rogers and 'the physical part really just didn't matter.' Ouch! Why would you say that on national television? She then calls him prince charming and says she feels lucky. They later head to Michigan to visit his family, and she and his daughter fight about how Gretchen takes care of him all the time, and his daughter is asking for a car and refuses to get a job. Jeana has a trunk show at her house, and all the housewives are invited, including Gretchen, to try on and buy clothes. Gretchen and Tamra are in competition, and Tamra lets us know she is still the hottest, and Gretchen makes it a point to show she has real boobs. It's weird, to be honest, but I understand her wanting to note her chest is natural. Vicki makes a comment about how she doesn't want animal print and Jeana asks, while in a zebra dress if Vicki just 'dished' her. Meaning dissed. These women are like five different Ramonas. https://preview.redd.it/hq6tjvat5z081.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=7cfd34d3a21dfb84f9ebccdb818d58619026b808 RHOA, S1E8, 2008 - REUNION! This is an i c o n i c first reunion for the women in Atlanta! Kim insists she is 29, yet she looks at least ten years older. Something that really upsets me is that Andy asks the women if they feel a 'weight' representing African-American women on reality tv. Andy, would you ask any other housewives if they felt weight/or how they felt representing white women? It's a very weird question and is completely unnecessary, to be honest! It's weird watching these shows from so long ago, and how many things weren't questioned. Sheree speaks up and says this is the first time Bravo has allowed African-American women to do the show, so she was worried. She said they felt they should be honoured, and not cause drama, and it's sad they had to be so conscious of their behaviour when the women in the OC and NY probably didn't blink an eye about it. ALSO the viewers are so fucking mean! They ask Nene why she wears cheap clothes that show her boobs sagging. It was also asked via e-mail. Sigh. This reunion is off to a horrible start and watching the next 36 minutes of this is going to send my blood pressure to the moon. We watch Kim butcher any music in the recording booth, and Andy says he doesn't even know where to begin, lmao. He also said he noticed her cringing at her own voice during the footage package shown to the ladies. He also wants her to tell everyone who Big Poppa is - it's the reunion show after all - and she mentions it is on and off and that he's still legally married. Nene says she knows of him, but doesn't know him, and then that Kim needs to 'close her legs to married men!' Nene then says she can't sing, and she's 'hearing it from [her].' Calls Kim a 'straight hooker, trash box, trashy hooker' and says she will wear the wig she rips off of Kim's head. Lisa sits on Nene so she doesn't go after Kim physically as it gets so heated. Kim gets asked by a viewer if she wears a wig. Kim says she got 'very sick' around three years ago (2005) and she thought she had cancer after losing hair and 25 pounds. She said she called a friend who said they were 90% sure they had cancer. Andy asks so you had cancer? She doesn't answer it, but we learn that no, she did not have it after some conversation. She 'sat in a Chilis waiting for her test results.' Andy asks about her smoking and tells her he wants her to quit due to this. Andy asks when She by Sheree is going to launch, and she says Fall '09, which is a lot different than the 'spring, summer, September' date we got like 11 years later, lol. They talk about the song Nene made up in the limo about Kim, and Kim says something about Lisa being a part of it. Lisa says that it 'doesn't add up and [Kim's] a habitual liar. [She] thinks [Kim] needs to take freakin' medication'. They confront Kim about her comment about eating 'chicken' at DeShawn's bbq and say it was racist. Kim says she 'doesn't see colour and [she] never has.' Dwight arrives with a mullet and gives the women their drinks to cheers, and calls Kim's hair bad. Called the show declasse. To a wonderful first season! https://preview.redd.it/b0ttwzzu5z081.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=7082b7f1aab854e3170fd86a41ea001de0b8e8f8 https://preview.redd.it/4ovdlziv5z081.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=03a5f45b5dcc6d41004299971a101feb7eb8c31d RHOA, S5E4, 2012 Phaedra and Apollo go to get Ayden's hair cut, and the funny thing I find is that apparently, Apollo is ALSO a master barber on top of all his other talents. If he knew how to cut his hair, do it at home and get him used to it. Such a weird scene. Kenya is taking Walter to a family dinner, including Aunt Lori, and he says he wants to wait until he's in love fully before he gets married again, and Kenya gets pissed off about it. They then talk like Kenya isn't around and it's awkward. Nene plays a voicemail from Phaedra, who accidentally butt-dialled a good friend of hers, and was heard saying she didn't 'give a fuck about Cynthia coming to Ayden's [birthday] party.' Kenya comes home with dinner for Walter, and she throws already made noodles in a pan to make it look like she made pasta, and bought a store-made salad and put it in a bowl. She tells Walter how long she spent cooking... 'marinating the chicken, cooking the noodles'... Kenya says she'll make food like this if they got married - she didn't make it in the first place! Phaedra and Cynthia meet up, and Cynthia brings a gift for Ayden and says she's sad she'll miss his party. She says 'somebody told me you didn't give an eff-you-see-kay' about me going to Ayden's party and she says she heard it for herself and has the recording if Phaedra wants to hear it for herself. Phaedra is like 'oooh, my boob is itchy, did I get bit by a bug?', completely changing the subject. https://preview.redd.it/v4jh85tiq0181.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=e6ac8707a17a067a814f1a4acfe1b2f6ef558223 https://preview.redd.it/pm1gb4tjq0181.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=3002f34931a07f59574db9729e62f04454d60873 RHOBH, S4E4, 2013 Carlton and Brandi go lingerie shopping, and we learn she is bisexual and believes in The Secret. Kyle, Mauricio, Joyce and her husband, I can't remember his name, go to dinner and they talk about the pitfalls of fame, like being Paris Hilton's aunt and being in the first Halloween film, and being a Puerto Rican beauty queen! Ken gives Lisa a Golden Retriever puppy - my dream dog! - and she names him Rumpy Pumpy and introduces him to all the other dogs. The women are doing a trapeze class, and Yolanda, Brandi and Kim are the first there. Kim says she wants no drama, and Yolanda responds like, 'yeah, we're adults, we get it, let's go to the mats' and Kim's like 'that's rude!!' and Brandi points out that Kim had said no drama! Brandi blames Kyle for spreading a rumour she's a bully, and being asked by paparazzi if she was one, and how it sucks to be called that in front of your kids. Lisa asks Kyle later in the evening why she didn't squash the bully rumour, and Kyle says 'Why would I tweet something (so telling of the time!!) that clears my name of any wrongdoing as far as it affects Brandi when I'm dealing with the fact that my husband may have cheated on me.' Is there any truth to those rumours, Kyle? Joyce at that time chose to take Lisa aside and say her feelings were hurt when she went to fix Lisa's hair and she brushed her off. Joyce then calls out Brandi and says she told her 'Lisa could only dish criticism, not take it.' and Brandi says 'fuck you, Joyce.' Joyce says she's a bitch on her period and Brandi asks if she is currently on it. Geeze. RHOBH, S5E2, 2014 Meh. RHOA, S11E4, 2018 The episode that included the game at the Bailey-Q called pass the peach. The first question is who needs a makeover, and Nene passes it to Porsha, who passes it to Eva, who then passes it to Shamari, who takes great offence. Marlo is asked who she thinks is the biggest liar in the group, and she says Porsha is, with Eva in the future. Cynthia asks the women if they've ever been in an open relationship and Shamari stands up and shoots her hands in the air. The other women asked the rules and she said she hooked up with females only because she and Ronnie made that a rule. Porsha wonders why she is so open-minded in a relationship but doesn't have the same feeling when it comes to a stylist - lol. RHOC, S13E19, 2018 - REUNION PT.1 Nothing, other than Vicki accusing Kelly of doing coke. RHOC, S15E7, 2020 Elizabeth tells us she misses her ex, that because she and jimmy, her now-boyfriend, don't have sex, they're friends, and she sent her ex a message about wanting him back. Gina and Kelly tell her to get out before it gets super messy, and not to let it ruin her life. Shannon gets very drunk for Braunwyn's party and makes an ass of herself. RHOSLC, S1E3, 2020 Heather throws a joint baby shower for like four or five of her employees that are all pregnant at the same time, and gives him mini electrical Range Rovers for their little ones - so cute! Jen shows her labia to Brooks, who rightfully is offended for being flashed without consent, and he and his sister leave to go shopping after Jen yells out 'Grindr! Grindr! Grindr!' Meredith and Mary go out for dinner, and we learn more about her marrying her stepgrandfather. Her grandmother, in her will, made it clear she wanted Mary to inherit the church, houses, money... and husband. Whitney, her dad, and Meredith go to Mary's church, and when Jen hears about this, she is very, very upset about Merditch 'siding' with Mary. Whitney hosts a 1920s theme party, and they share the venue with a regular working restaurant so we get to see some sneaker-wearing dads while the ladies and guests make their way to the party room. Jen walks into the sight of Meredith and Mary chatting - GASP! - and calls it a knife to the heart. https://preview.redd.it/5zs4tky6v0181.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=dad83eba813b9fc93219605862252e689396225d Never nude! NOVEMBER 26TH RHOBH, S3E4, 2012 After the last episode ended with Lisa and Adrienne meeting up, they chat for a little bit before Adrienne apologizes, which means Lisa is happy and Adrienne demands an apology as well, which Lisa will not give. Kim and Yolanda meet up and Kim talks about going on a girl's trip to Ojai. She says the place is peaceful and a wonderful place to avoid drama. Brandi is doing pictures for Beverly Hills Lifestyle, a magazine Lisa got her hooked up with, and she criticizes wrinkles on her own thumbs, and Lisa is shocked cause Brandi is gorgeous! No reason to be so critical! Kim, Kyle, Adrienne, Taylor and Camille head to Ojai before Lisa, Brandi, and Yolanda. They decide to give Lisa and Brandi the smallest beds, and Yolanda arrives later after having an event she committed to with David. Kim takes the women out to dinner, and she gives a speech to the women and does cheers with some water. Brandi tells Kim about her children being her biggest defenders, and that Kim is such a good mom and raised good kids. Adrienne sees that this is making Kim teary-eyed, and yells over the table 'Uh, oh - somebody's crying!' and Brandi snaps backs and says 'shut the fuck up!' as the whole table gasps like they've never heard a swear and the episode ends there! https://preview.redd.it/80tdx4wsv0181.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=99bd6800619ba7426e2d50a169e1dbb1d30b9d65 RHOA, S10E4, 2017 Nene is throwing her 'Girls and Gays Never Forget All White Party Seafood Soiree', which is some Michael Scott diabetes run kind of naming. It's like she used text prediction for this. But, this party means we have KKZ back as a friend this season, and Kandi does a photo shoot to be on the cover of Essence! At the party, the women sit down together and Kim talks bad about Kenya being rude about Sheree's house and going into her unfinished basement and making digs about how Marc doesn't exist. who retorts about how Kim should 'worry about [her] life and the daughter you pimp out for John Legend tickets! See whose dick she'll suck for John Legend tickets, bitch!' To which Kim stands up, lunges, and yells 'LETMETELLYOUSOMETHINGBITCH!' This is also the party where Brielle took the infamous snapchat/instagram videos, which will become a much bigger deal in the coming episodes. https://preview.redd.it/ck8i7emks0181.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=cbd468659997ba02acbaac4e2051c52ca6a3e7b0 https://preview.redd.it/uspxmr3ls0181.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=5edefc88bc145493233840d16e0b6ad4f7dec59c RHOC, S14E17, 2019 Steve and Vicki are engaged, the women are headed to Miami. The women go clubbing, then head to a bar, where Kelly tells Shannon her hair looks like shit and that Gina's super blond hair is also shitty. This is only pushing her further from the group, as Kelly already voiced support for Jim Bellino and his lawsuit against Shannon and Tamra. Things get heated at dinner and Tamra tells Kelly to 'suck some more dick for money.' And the episode concludes! NOVEMBER 27TH RHOC, S3E4, 2007 Vicki has hired Jeana to sell her other house in Coto, and Jeana confronts her about testy emails Vicki sends over a dinner. We crossover with Tamra here, as she has clients she is showing Vicki's place to. Tamra calls her client cheap, and Jeana is completely shocked! Lauri and George get massages, and I'm happy that when Lauri asks him to get in the bathtub with her afterwards, he puts bubble bath bubbles on top of her head and kneels outside. It may be awkward, but he probably didn't want to be embarrassed for work, and I'm glad it wasn't and Eddie/Tamra softcore. The women go out for drinks, and Tamra sees her client, brings him over to the ladies, then calls him an asshole. Tammy's daughter Lindsay does a photoshoot to do the print campaign for Java Jeans, a boutique in town. She uses the money to get an Audi, as she is proud of and wants to show her independence. Tamra, Simon, George and Lauri all go out to dinner as the four haven't officially met, but we learn that Simon is the one that approved Mercedes for George, including the one that he gifted her during a photo shoot during the first season. George has nine cars, and Tamra tells us in her talking head sarcastically she's so happy Lauri's so rich. They talk about how they both are just so hot, their kids' friends just fawn over them... cringe. Then Tamra takes Ryan out to a club to drink and finds him a girl, which is very odd. Tamra's dance move. RHOA, S4E4, 2011 Phaedra shows up at Kim's house with a basket of gifts to apologize for Apollo's part in the fight with Peter, and we learn Cynthia hasn't even called to apologize - for being five hours late, nor Peter coming in, insulting everyone, and threatening to physically fight with Apollo. Cynthia brings Mal to Bar One, so she could talk to Peter, and although they get out their feelings it isn't resolved, which it shouldn't be because she hid the marriage certificate on the day Peter and Cynthia were getting married! Sheree took Phaedra to see the progress, or honestly lack thereof, on Chateau Sheree, and Phaedra tells her contractor that if it isn't done by Christmas that they'll be in court. We all saw how that turned out. Kandi turns 35 and has a party. I always remember Bolo, but always forget about 'Ridickulous', a male stripper that also caused drama! He jumps up on the table in front of Kandi and Mama Joyce, who does not like it, and makes it known. She leaves the party, causing Kandi to feel bad and ends the episode on a very awkward note. RHOA, S9E4, 2016 Nothing much happened, but two good reads: 'She's crazier than a bed bug.' - Phaedra about Kenya Kenya calling Sheree's hairpiece 'a Mama Joyce wig.' RHOC, S12E21, 2017 - REUNION PT.2 Shannon, Tamra and Vicki make up. Lame end to the season. RHONJ, S10E4, 2020 Jackie throws a birthday party for her twin boys, and they play basketball and other games in the driveway and have pizza. It sounds like a regular birthday party, but the women take issue with the fact the gift bags came out straight from amazon packages and found it underwhelming. The women head to Jamacia, and Marge makes a joke about the rum being 21 years old and being liked by Teresa so it wasn't jailbait, alluding to Teresa dating a much younger man. During dinner, Melissa uses her new fake storyline, that she wants another kid and checking her fertility, and tells the women she's considering IVF. Reactions are as follows:
NOVEMBER 28TH RHOA, S3E9, 2010 Nene finds out Gregg talked behind her back saying he spent a bunch of money on her and wants it back, and she finds out by finding a note on her entertainment news work desk, and they tell her to keep the drama quiet... It was recorded and released without her knowledge so how was she supposed to do that exactly? Phaedra and Apollo bring Ayden home, Sheree and Tiy E break up after they fight at a lunch over his credentials, and Nene and Gregg fight over the recording and he ends up walking away with nothing left to contribute to the fight. RHOBH, S2E13, 2011 Adrienne is designing her line of heels, and says the six-inch and above heels on them are 'practical for everybody.' I broke an ankle just hearing that. Taylor and Russell have a therapy session, and we all know how it unfortunately ended for them. Adrienne pulls Lisa aside at Adrienne's shoe fashion show to talk about her not choosing the Palms to host Pandora's bachelorette, and Lisa doesn't really say anything, and we learn that Lisa asked Adrienne to pour her wine at her hotel, and nothing came of it. No one sees the shoes because the dresses are so long, and that's so Adrienne to me for some reason. RHONJ, S9E4, 2018 Even after all the bragging she did last week, Jennifer still has more to do! The women are still in Oklahoma and go out to dinner where Jen says she has a wife, not a nanny. She also needs someone to cook and clean for her, and with her house - which did you know, has sixteen bathrooms - she just doesn't have time. She also says she has tons of cameras around the house, so she can watch the nanny in every room. She also notes she does random bag checks! I have previously worked two retail jobs where I had my bag checked before leaving, and I promise you I have never stolen anything, it makes you always feel like shit and untrustworthy! Jackie points out that she trusts this woman with her kids, and not with her forks and knives, EXACTLY! But Jen doing this is what RHONJ was thirsting for, a new feud, not Melissa and Teresa having family problems. The women later do a cow 'makeovefashion' show and Jackie wins. Episode done! |
2021.11.22 02:49 bendaboy291Cigarette dating
Does anybody know how to find out the “go bad” date for Newports, Capri’s, Doral’s, Pyramid’s, Carlton’s, and probably more? We know they aren’t Julien and we think they aren’t BLACK OR WHITE.
submitted bybendaboy291toWawa [link][comments]2021.11.20 00:03 Dantes_the_EdmondFor a first date I [34M] shower, moisturize my face, do my hair, wear nice clothing, shave; + some additional slightly above average daily grooming. Why are my [F29-34] dates seeming to not really put in any effort?
Not all of them of course.
Many seem to show up in: rolled out of bed, short on time and put on passable work attire level effort. It's clearly in contrast to the pictures on their Hinge profiles.
Sure we all mostly put our best up on OLD profiles. But why are they in tennis shoes at an evening dinner, at a trendy spot, on a date?
I never ran into this seemingly low effort in my 20s.
Am I expecting too much? I put on dark jeans, nice shoes/dressier boots, and a button up shirt and feel like I am severely out-dressing them.
I've heard biologists talk about women (subconsciously) gaining some weight while in a serious relationship as a sort of test to see if the man will run when they get pregnant and put on more weight. EDIT: Some thought this was sexist. I can understand why that would be the initial gut feeling for some; but when you analyze it; I don't see it that way. On average men and women gain weight in a relationship. I would imagine that a lot of women dodged a bullet with a man that would have ran when they got pregnant.
Is this low effort thing a sort of different version of that? I know they don't look like how they look when you have makeup on.
I'm sure some other perspectives can help bring this into understanding.
EDIT: Okay shit hit the fan IRL and I couldn't get back for a few hours.
Okay I want to provide more context as many responses made me aware of what else I should have included.
Location: Newport Beach California; very much a beach town, not lots of high end styles unless you're going to a club.
People are not wearing masks everywhere here. Maybe 3% of people are going everywhere with a mask; but it's largely something that people have moved past.
I'm a fan of makeup declining. But skincare routines, I just see that as self care (and I realize most dudes completely miss this).
We chatted on the phone for 2 hours before the date. This wasn't just a couple of texts; then a 'hey lets meet up.' There was some investment is what I am trying to say.
The typical casual look around here is certainly more put together. She was in stark contrast to women at tables around us. Everybody else looked like they might be headed to the mall for example.
I can pick apart effort vs none. I understand that everybody has been on shitty dates and perhaps many have decided to reduce their efforts on first dates; understandable. But no prep vs 2-3 hours; there must be something reasonable in between. Women headed to the beach are putting more effort into their face. Her face was bright and alive in her pictures; and it was flat in person.
It isn't even about her appearance to me. Take some pride in yourself.
This wasn't an issue of filters. This isn't an issue of me expecting women to be a certain way or to wear some quota amount of makeup. If she was 'keeping it real' then I appreciate that, we are not be compatible. I wish her the best of luck. I do not fault her for it. Her profile showed somebody that puts in effort to look good for brunch with the girls. So I figured she would approach a date somewhat similarly.
I have a lot of good perspectives to think about and I thank everybody for their responses. I hope with this additional context some may give me even more to consider and think about.
submitted byDantes_the_Edmondtodatingoverthirty [link][comments]Many seem to show up in: rolled out of bed, short on time and put on passable work attire level effort. It's clearly in contrast to the pictures on their Hinge profiles.
Sure we all mostly put our best up on OLD profiles. But why are they in tennis shoes at an evening dinner, at a trendy spot, on a date?
I never ran into this seemingly low effort in my 20s.
Am I expecting too much? I put on dark jeans, nice shoes/dressier boots, and a button up shirt and feel like I am severely out-dressing them.
I've heard biologists talk about women (subconsciously) gaining some weight while in a serious relationship as a sort of test to see if the man will run when they get pregnant and put on more weight. EDIT: Some thought this was sexist. I can understand why that would be the initial gut feeling for some; but when you analyze it; I don't see it that way. On average men and women gain weight in a relationship. I would imagine that a lot of women dodged a bullet with a man that would have ran when they got pregnant.
Is this low effort thing a sort of different version of that? I know they don't look like how they look when you have makeup on.
I'm sure some other perspectives can help bring this into understanding.
EDIT: Okay shit hit the fan IRL and I couldn't get back for a few hours.
Okay I want to provide more context as many responses made me aware of what else I should have included.
Location: Newport Beach California; very much a beach town, not lots of high end styles unless you're going to a club.
People are not wearing masks everywhere here. Maybe 3% of people are going everywhere with a mask; but it's largely something that people have moved past.
I'm a fan of makeup declining. But skincare routines, I just see that as self care (and I realize most dudes completely miss this).
We chatted on the phone for 2 hours before the date. This wasn't just a couple of texts; then a 'hey lets meet up.' There was some investment is what I am trying to say.
The typical casual look around here is certainly more put together. She was in stark contrast to women at tables around us. Everybody else looked like they might be headed to the mall for example.
I can pick apart effort vs none. I understand that everybody has been on shitty dates and perhaps many have decided to reduce their efforts on first dates; understandable. But no prep vs 2-3 hours; there must be something reasonable in between. Women headed to the beach are putting more effort into their face. Her face was bright and alive in her pictures; and it was flat in person.
It isn't even about her appearance to me. Take some pride in yourself.
This wasn't an issue of filters. This isn't an issue of me expecting women to be a certain way or to wear some quota amount of makeup. If she was 'keeping it real' then I appreciate that, we are not be compatible. I wish her the best of luck. I do not fault her for it. Her profile showed somebody that puts in effort to look good for brunch with the girls. So I figured she would approach a date somewhat similarly.
I have a lot of good perspectives to think about and I thank everybody for their responses. I hope with this additional context some may give me even more to consider and think about.
2021.11.19 01:23 monkeydlouie7New to Digital Minimalism
Hey all! I'm new to reddit and ironically just starting reading Cal Newport's 'Digital Minimalism'. I've always been fascinated with this idea of digital minimalism. I was completely off of social media for about 3 years. It started as just not going on for a weekend getaway then turned into a week, into a month, into let's just see how long I can go without It. The only reason I picked It back up was create a presence for my online fitness business and reconnect with old friends that I don't see much of anymore. It's been about a year now & I have been enjoying being back on. I've played around with my operating procedures, but currently I give myself 45 minutes per day on IG and another 45 on FB. I use this time to connect with potential clients, but also just to keep up to date with people I don't see too often. I just finished up part one of the book, and I gotta say it's really changed my perspective on how I'm engaging with my social media. I'm really starting to think I can be even more intentional with my time spent on social media and even do alternative actions to being on social media to grow my business which sounds funny to me since my business is online. I'm about to start the digital declutter and I'm already starting to realize that im lowkey addicted to listening to podcasts, I'm using my social media time as an excuse to 'work' instead of being intentional, & some of these other apps that are supposed to make running my business easier are probably distracting me more than anything. Just wanted to get my initial thoughts down, as I want to practice writing more during this digital declutter. I think my operating procedure for reddit will be desktop only and limit myself to one hour twice a week to write and truly engage in the communities I have joined such as this one.
Anyone else new to digital minimalism?
submitted bymonkeydlouie7tominimalism [link][comments]Anyone else new to digital minimalism?
2021.11.18 18:45 graymonkey44My first DD and wow did I go down the rabbit hole! Altai Capital's Rishi Bajaj is also CEO of Linnet Capital which filed SEC Form D ' Notice of Exempt Offering of Securities' on May 7th, 2021.... and how it's all connected DOGE...
Long time lurker since May and I'm proud to be surrounded by my fellow apes. Now I am about as smooth brained as they come, but I have been known to gain a wrinkle here and there. Just got off an overnight shift and the sleep deprivation is real, but that's usually the best time to do some quality DD... and it's nuts... I'm hoping this doesn't get down voted to oblivion because there's some real sketchy shit going on.... submitted bygraymonkey44toAMCSTOCKS [link][comments]By the way, this DD started after viewing these posts.... Another red flag I found in short positions on Amc. Altai capital management has a high short position, let’s look into them. All their positions combined are worth less than their put position in AMC? Weird you’d almost think they are a front for another company.. anyone come to mind? I wonder what today's closing would have been if Kenny hadn't hidden his debts in this shell company? So it all started after hearing about that shell company connected to our boy Kenny G, aka Altai Capital. I did a little bit of DD into our boy Rishi Bajaj here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rishibajaj/ Our boy Rishi, entrepreneur and motivational speaker... Not only if he the CEO of this fine company, but it looks like he's super motivated and hard-working because he also is CEO of a brand spankin' new company called Linnet Capital as well, just straight ballin'. This 'Company' is an LLP, even has 3 employees there: https://www.linkedin.com/company/linnet-capital/about/ So I wanted to see what this company was all about, but when you click on the link to their 'official website' something strange happens.... http://www.linnetcapital.com/ You get a message 'Sorry, we're doing some work on the site' with an animated angry man on his laptop looking PISSED... just like us APES watching the charts.... Not weird at all... So for the lolz, I decided to do a quick web search on this 'Linnet Capital' and find out they're incorporated in the state of Delaware, but their 'Business Address' is actually 4675 MACARTHUR COURT, SUITE 1500, NEWPORT BEACH CA 92660. THE SAME EXACT ADDRESS AS ALTAI CAPITAL. The company was registered on 4-30-2021. What's also very interesting is that on 5-07-2021 they filed a SEC Form D which is a Notice of Exempt Offering of Securities:https://sec.report/Document/0001859830-21-000001/ SEC Form D: Hedgefund Fuckery I'm just a smooth brained ape, but this form just screams fuckery. I did a little digging and I find this link which makes me sick to my stomach: https://www.thebalancesmb.com/what-is-sec-form-d-5077932 I would give this site a good read because it does a much better job of explaining that I ever will but a TLDR: Reg D allows a business that meets specific requirements to bypass the formal registration process. It sets up a process for entrepreneurs to qualify for an exemption from the rule that all offerings of securities must be registered. AKA, fuckery.... So if any other wrinkly brain apes could help me out with explaining this to everyone... 10/10 would be sick. The SEC even has their own webpage to explain what companies are eligible to sell securities without registering them... thanks SEC! https://www.sec.gov/smallbusiness/exemptofferings But it gets better.... https://www.sec.gov/smallbusiness/exemptofferings/formd Rule 504 and 506 seem pretty important so I'll let an ape that is more wrinkly than I to take the reigns, but essentially, this is written right into the Code of Federal Regulations. Rules to help out hedgies, while fucking over the little guy § 230.504 Exemption for limited offerings and sales of securities not exceeding $10,000,000.https://www.ecfr.gov/current/title-17/chapter-II/part-230#230.504 § 230.506 Exemption for limited offers and sales without regard to dollar amount of offering.https://www.ecfr.gov/current/title-17/chapter-II/part-230#230.506 I don't know about ya'll, but § 230.506 seems suss as f. How does this all tie into DOGE? Well... I saved that for last. I've been following crypto since last year and have been following it obsessively since the January run-up. It's very coincidental that the huge run up and then the crash in mid-may was not fuckery, but this SEC Form D exemption was filed on 5-07-2021, literally the day that DOGE hit it's all time high and then subsequently, never recovered from it's huge run-up. What's also interesting is that on the SEC website it also states 'A company must file this notice within 15 days after the first sale of securities in the offering. For this purpose, the date of first sale is the date on which the first investor is irrevocably contractually committed to invest.' I honestly believe that this whole GME/AMC saga is connected to the crypto market and am looking forward to it all getting exposed for what it is. DOGE CHART from 4/22-5/07 If you look at the chart I posted, I subtracted 15 days from 5/7, which falls on 4/22. DOGE had a low of 0.17ish and then hit it's ATH on 5/7-5/8 at 0.7376 and, JESUS CHRIST, i just found something extremely ironic and crazy. I did a simple google search 'Dogecoin all time high' and found this. https://www.google.com/search?q=dogecoin+all+time+high&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS879US888&oq=dogecoin+all&aqs=chrome.0.0i512j69i57j0i512l8.3731j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 All Time HighMay 08, 2021 (6 months ago)$0.7376 All Time LowMay 07, 2015 (7 years ago)$0.00008547 Are we seriously living in a simulation?!?!?! Or... is this all part of some crazy conspiracy? Who tf knows anymore.... All I know is, I've never felt more alive before in my life.... TLDR for the smoothest of the smooth.... CEO of shell company ALTAI Capital, Rishi BAJAJ is also CEO of another shell known as Linnet Capital. Linnet Capital was formed this year, April 2021. Linnet Capital has a shitty website that doesn't even work, aka fuckery. Linnet Capital also filed a SEC Form D, aka fuckery. This allows a company to sell securities without registering them to the SEC, aka fuckery. § 230.506 Exemption for limited offers and sales without regard to dollar amount of offering, aka fuckery. DOGE hit it's ATH/ATL virtually on the same day Linnet Capital's SEC Form D was filed, aka fuckery. DOGE hit it's All Time Low on May 7th, 2015 and hit its All Time High on May 8th, 2021. Simulation confirmed... MOASS imminent... Blast off commencing! (Not financial advice, lolz) |
2021.11.18 03:00 TopOfTheBotTop of the Day - 18/11/2021
[FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/TopOfThe/comments/dtlta2/mod_post_info_and_faq/DiscordGitHub)Times shown are in UTC and dates are formatted as Day/Month/Year.
On mobile you can scroll and slide the tables to reveal more info.
Reverse Compensated Dating In Usa 2020
| Place | Title | Author | Subreddit | Score | Posted |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1st | These tunnels were dug by a Giant Ground Sloth that lived 10.000 years ago in Brazil. The third photo are the claw marks. | u/Guio- | Damnthatsinteresting | 129,167 Upvotes | 17/11/2021 00:56 UTC |
| 2nd | A Jungle Myna, has been trained to go out and look for cash, then bring it back home with him. | u/_Xyreo_ | interestingasfuck | 104,369 Upvotes | 17/11/2021 07:27 UTC |
| 3rd | Paul Rudd and Wilford Brimley, each at age 52 | u/cotxscott | pics | 85,146 Upvotes | 17/11/2021 04:24 UTC |
| 4th | A 16 year old takes her shot and politely dispatches her belittling elders | u/shaecurtiss | MurderedByWords | 78,416 Upvotes | 17/11/2021 12:55 UTC |
| 5th | She'S A Keeper | u/Hanyul95 | MadeMeSmile | 76,769 Upvotes | 17/11/2021 14:27 UTC |
| Place | Body | Author | Subreddit | Score | Posted |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1st | All those were taken from street performers lol | u/Someguynamedkylef | interestingasfuck | 12,173 Upvotes | 17/11/2021 07:39 UTC |
| 2nd | Wilford Brimley stopped aging after that, like Patrick Stewart. | u/Santa_Hates_You | pics | 10,174 Upvotes | 17/11/2021 04:52 UTC |
| 3rd | Coolest post I’ve seen in a stretch of time | u/thirst_mutilator_ | Damnthatsinteresting | 8,567 Upvotes | 17/11/2021 00:59 UTC |
| 4th | Boomers: Crashes economy, starts multi-decade trillion dollar wars, destabilizes the environment, makes homes unaffordable, makes college unaffordable(...) | u/Mutt1223 | MurderedByWords | 8,052 Upvotes | 17/11/2021 13:58 UTC |
| 5th | Bobby Newport never had a real job | u/yozach11 | pics | 7,149 Upvotes | 17/11/2021 04:53 UTC |
2021.11.16 21:00 ReconEG[AMA ANNOUNCEMENT] Sleigh Bells on Thursday, November 18th @ 3pm ET/12pm PT!
It's Tuesday, you know what that means. submitted byReconEGtoindieheads [link][comments]Sleigh Bells will join us for an AMA this Thursday! (Photo: Chris Vultaggio, Graphic: u/sara520) WHO: Sleigh Bells are the duo of vocalist Alexis Krauss and guitarist/producer Derek E. Miller, forming in 2008 and breaking through at the start of the 2010s with their instant classic debut Treats, creating a unique noise pop sound of sugary sweet distorted melodies/hooks, heavy metal/punk guitar riffs and devastating hip hop/electro beats. The band has continued to hone in and experiment with their style across studio albums like Reign of Terror (2012), Bitter Rivals (2013), Jessica Rabbit (2016) and mini-album Kid Kruschev (2017). Four years later now, the duo has returned with their fifth studio album. WHY: Their new album, Texis, is out now via Mom+Pop, as the band recently wrapped up the 2021 leg of their US tour, as they'll be back on the road again throughout February, as all their upcoming dates can be viewed below and tickets can be purchased on their website. February 8, 2022 – Columbus, OH @ Newport Music Hall February 9, 2022 – Cincinnati, OH @ The Ballroom at Taft Theatre February 11, 2022 – St. Louis, MO @ Red Flag February 12, 2022 – Kansas City, MO @ The Truman February 13, 2022 – Omaha, NE @ Slowdown February 15, 2022 – Milwaukee, WI @ Turner Hall Ballroom February 16, 2022 – Minneapolis, MN @ Fine Line February 18, 2022 – Chicago, IL @ Metro February 19, 2022 – Detroit, MI @ The Magic Stick February 21, 2022 – Toronto, ON @ The Axis Club February 23, 2022 – Washington, DC @ 9:30 Club February 24, 2022 – Boston, MA @ Paradise Rock Club February 25, 2022 – Brooklyn, NY @ Brooklyn Steel February 27, 2022 – Philadelphia, PA @ Theatre of Living Arts WHEN: Sleigh Bells will return to indieheads for an AMA this Thursday, November 18th at 3pm ET/12pm PT! |
2021.11.16 05:31 GlotzbachsToastProvidence Marathon?
I’m wondering if anyone here has experience with the Providence marathon. I just completed my third half and think I’m ready to start training for my first full marathon! I would love to do my first one in PVD and have heard great things about the race itself.
I’m a little concerned though, about the lack of info I’m seeing for the 2022 race. They have a date (5/1) on the site but other than that it says “stay tuned for more details!”. Usually annual races like this open up pretty early (Newport is already registering for next year I think!). I’m just hoping that it’s actually going to happen. Is this normal for this race?
I’m a little concerned though, about the lack of info I’m seeing for the 2022 race. They have a date (5/1) on the site but other than that it says “stay tuned for more details!”. Usually annual races like this open up pretty early (Newport is already registering for next year I think!). I’m just hoping that it’s actually going to happen. Is this normal for this race?
Free Dating In Usa
submitted byGlotzbachsToasttoRhodeIsland [link][comments]Balboa Island Balboa Island Newport Beach Things to Do ...
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